Michael Jackson’s dead, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. Sure, you could moonwalk circles around what will probably be his Lincoln Monument-esque tomb, but all that’s gonna get you is a really large dead ring of grass.

The more ardent of his fans – the ones that whited out Peter, James & John from their New Testements and added in Michael, MJ & Jacko – well their religious adoration of him may not be the first. That’s right – it seems the Egyptians may have worshipped his likeness thousands of years ago.

So says a crazy looking statue, anyway.

When Michael Jackson first died he gave us a whole bunch of clues about it in his Off The Wall album. Since we were apparently the only ones savvy enough to catch on, we had to wait until his lighter skinned, hornier substitute died for the rest of the world to join us in our tremendous grief.

Now that we’re all finally crying in unison, we just want you to know that we’re not the first generation to feel this way about the gloved one. That’s right – Egyptians also worshipped him thousands of years ago. They made statues in his likeness, wrote rhyming hieroglyphs about how certain girls’ babies weren’t his or his brothers, and they even prophesied that he would one day laminate his severed nuts and bury them in the cold, blue hands of Princess Diana.

That last prophesy has never been ‘officially’ (ahem) fulfilled, but personally we think Di’s got a couple little somethings rolling around there in her coffin.

Archeologists someday will be so lucky with a find like that.

In getting to the heart of the matter, there is a statue of an ancient Egyptian woman that’s been getting in the headlines recently. It’s been so press-worthy because this long dead woman is the spitting image of Michael Jackson. See for yourself up in the corner there.

Also – this according to the Chicago Sun Times:

“It’s eerie, and it’s creepy: An ancient limestone Egyptian bust in the Field Museum is a dead bang look-a-like of singer Michael Jackson. The big question: Did Jackson, who went under the plastic surgeon’s knife numerous times, pattern his ultimate appearance after the statue carving?

“Answer: “I have no idea whether Jackson ever visited the museum, but the similarity between the limestone statue of a woman — which is about 3,000 years old — and Jackson is astounding,” said a museum spokesman.”

Since Michael Jackson kicked the bucket all those weeks ago we’ve learned several things about the King of pop. For starters – his children were sired by his skin doctor, Oliver Twist and possibly that one crazy lady who claims she carried all three of them after repeatedly wringing Michael’s tenders dry.

On top of that, his brain was scooped out, he’s got a Dutch son or something, someone’s going to turn his body into diamonds and Janet’s had to constantly remind us about how famous she was when her boob fell out at a football game.

Yes Janet, we remember all the news shows.

All things Michael are now certainly shifting into overdrive. And although the Egyptian statue, in the long run, probably won’t be as lasting or meaningful as the MJ sculpture a bunch of dairy farmers want to cut out of butter or something, it’s still nice to know that even all those years ago vast amounts of people knew that someday Michael would be a pretty special lady.

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But if you’re a supermodel and someone were to make a gold statue of your likeness, then that pretty much gives you most super supermodel of the universe status. Take Kate Moss, for instance. Some artist has made a gold statue out of her, and that’s quite an honour.

Just like it will be a tremendous honor when we finish our David Hasselhoff statue made from fingernail clippings of German teenage girls and kitten tears.

Kate Moss has quite the rocky history. A phenomenon among supermodels, Kate Moss has had a knack for capturing the waif look, sometimes known as ‘heroin chic’ that became so popular in the 90s. It really speaks for her character that she’s been able to create that look whilst remaining free of drugs and loser boyfriends.

Anyway, Kate Moss is the definition of beauty at the moment, dontcha know. Or at least some artist dude seems to think so. For artist Marc Quinn, the years of living in his parents basement, studying the female form in great depth and detail via pictures of supermodels has allowed him the time and lack of social interaction to create a stunning replica of Kate Moss made out of gold.

Not really. The artist just finds Kate Moss really beautiful or something. According to Quinn:

“I thought the next thing to do would be to make a sculpture of the person who’s the ideal beauty of the moment.”

We’re not highly into the arts, but apparently in the art world, ideal beauty of the moment is equated with cocaine scandals and greasy ex-boyfriends in fedoras. Who knew?

The statue is called Siren, and it will be on display starting October 4 at the British Museum in London.

Sources suggest that Kate Moss is actually quite unhappy with the statue, and has repeatedly requested that it be upgraded to platinum. Not only does the gold not match her hand bag, but gold makes her look like a lardy arse. Like a size 2, or something.

So, mark you calendars to see Kate Moss’s statue. No word on the progress of the dirty taco wrappers being sculpted into the likeness of Pete Doherty. Story developing…

Sure, they erected a French statue that they got for free to commemorate something or other, but is that really so great? Seriously – Lady Liberty’s not even straddling anything. If Britain were to re-enslave the States today, and America re-revolutionary warred themselves into the ultimate democracy, all resulting commemorations would be infinitely better.

For example, any statue erected today might be of Naomi Campbell straddling a tank cannon like it was a longer, narrower Shetland pony. You know – exactly like the statue some mildly famous artist is apparently planning to build.

Other than that everything would be the same though.

There’s been no shortage of celebrity-related statue stories on the ol’ HS. Britney Spears got one back when she was a fit mother. Fonzie got one long after Spears was a fit mother, and there’s the exact-lifelike Madonna statue Stu made out of used gum that he ogles every time he thinks he’s alone and the rest of us aren’t watching from behind the thin plastic tree in the break room.

Also there’s been no shortage of Naomi Campbell stories here either. There’s the time she broke a boat with her fists, the time she broke a maid or something with a phone, and there’s the time she probably broke her phone with her maid or something.

Never before have those two apparently common topics collided though – until now – somebody’s making a statue of her. Sorry, did we not pluralise statue? Because we should have – Nick Knight’s gonna make a whole bunch of ‘em. The Independent says:

“He scanned Campbell “straddling the barrel of a large tank” which will form one sculpture. Another will be a “circle of three Naomis, like The Three Graces”, but designed to be viewed from within the circle and in a darkened room.”

Standing in the middle of three gigantic Campbell’s is terrifying prospect for everybody but Hugo Chavez. Especially if they’re all pointing at you or something – imagine that?

Terrifying.