That’s almost it, then – just over a day and 2009 will be filed away forever, possibly under ‘quite wet’.

We’re not writing this now, of course. We’re ensconced in the bosom of our families. But this hastily thrown-together list of TV shows that the hecklerspray writers quite liked is probably enough to fool you into thinking that we’re still around, right? Right? Of course it is.

Anyway, TV shows that we liked and you probably didn’t. Don’t forget to tell us how spectacularly misinformed we are, either. Let’s go!

Stuart Heritage

Lost, hands down. This year Lost managed to take an already confusing show, make it 4,000 times more confusing and still manage to create the year’s most compelling TV out of it. Between Lost itself, Jeff Jensen’s columns on Lost in Entertainment Weekly and the recurring dreams I had about the poxy thing, I’m starting to consider myself a slight obsessive. There may even be a brief period of mourning after the last episode next year. Let’s hope there isn’t, because that’d make me a right wanker, wouldn’t it?

Shawn Lindseth

My DVR is jam packed to the point that I can’t record every show I want to because too many others are already in line. The most notable of these would be 30 Rock, LOST and Community – the latest fantastic show to light up our nights. The best television in 2009, however, is Survivor: Samoa because of the way Russell found those immunity idols so effortlessly (without a single clue) and used them to turn the whole game on its head.

Television, reality-based or otherwise, rarely gets more exciting.

Matthew Laidlow

I’m sure I’ve been using the same show for the last few years, but I’m going to do it again. And seeing it’s finished forever, I can’t do it next year. I bloody love The Shield and still think it’s better than The Wire. Just because it’s not talked about in The Guardian every day means its not good. For all it was worth, the show did need to finish as the tight friendship the main characters had was an all time low. Each episode was still leaving you wanting more and the ending was done in a way that severed justice but not necessarily in the correct way. Basically, it was a better ending than The Sopranos.

Watching our holy lord editor Stuart Heritage doing stuff on Sky News was also amusing. He said ‘bumholes’ pre-watershed and put a grim expression on the presenter’s face.

Chris Laverty

I had never seen The Wire before BBC2 screened it earlier this year with such self-satisfied ballyhoo. Thing is, nobody warned me about the greatness. People said stuff like ‘best TV show ever’ or ‘better than The Sopranos’, but nobody actually encapsulated what it was that made The Wire so damn perfect. For the uninitiated I will not even attempt to put this right. My best advice is to just watch the show yourself. Watch three episodes at a time and don’t ever go near any stupid forums. The Wire is better ingested than discussed.

Josh Burt

It’s been a vintage year for television programmes, so, here are some of the best in list form: Eastbound and Down, In Treatment, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 30 Rock, Big Brother (genuinely brilliant for the first time in about five years), and Masterchef The Professionals. Much better than normal Masterchef.

Amy Grindhouse

I’m going to have to be obvious here and say my favourite show is True Blood. I’m addicted, which is weird because broadly speaking I watch almost no TV. But this show has me hooked in a way only Chocolate Buttons had managed before. It is a show about a bunch of vampires and country folk with Texas accents, living in Louisiana. It contains more sex scenes than one should ever feel entirely comfortable with in one show. Other than that, it’s smashing.

Paul Gibson

Tempted to go with my perennial favourite, Cops. But that sort of goes without saying, so props this year to Family Guy (the shark was circling last season, but this show refused to jump) and Glee (I am male and heterosexual, but this was fun and the musical treatments worked). Also, despite pouring hundreds of rude words about her onto the internet, I have to give a large, manly shout out to Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent. Truth be told, it was a very touching ‘moment’ when she first stood there, like a badly gift-wrapped potato, and let loose with that voice.

Keith Emmerson

The Thick of It

Despite the dumbing down of the latest series with most episodes constructed  around Peter Capaldi‘s creative swearing ala In The Loop, The Thick Of It remains my favourite TV show. The subtle glances, nods and inflections are what make this programme great, and dare I say it, identifiably British. It is difficult to mention TTOI without Chris Langham‘s elephant appearing in the room, let’s just say that it hasn’t been quite the same without his great character present.

Louise Scodie

If TV is the opium of the masses, then talent shows are its crack cocaine. You start with a little bit of Britain’s Got Talent, and then before you know it you’re cancelling arrangements to watch the live final (“What do you mean you can’t get another bridesmaid at this short notice?”) and snorting Strictly Come Dancing through a fiver. Like all addicts, I don’t care as long as I get my fix. My fave this year was X Factor. Le Cowell is TV’s fittest panto baddie and I am going to marry him.

David Scarborough

How I Met Your Mother

Overlooking my usual choice of Lost, How I Met Your Mother slipped under the radar on E4 and proved to be the most delightful, hilarious treat this year. Instead of letting Flashforward give you a nosebleed (because it is so bafflingly ill-conceived), let this show put your faith back into quality US entertainment.

Robyn Wilder

Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse, I’m afraid. Yes, it’s flawed; yes, it’s inconsistent; and yes – it has been cancelled. But no other TV show this year had dialogue like this:

Topher: Brown Sauce. What’s it made of? Science doesn’t know!
DeWitt: It’s made of brown.
Topher: Brown…mined from the earth by the hard scrabble brown miners of north Brownderton!
DeWitt: Oh my god, I find lentils completely incomprehensible.

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It’s December 29. That’s officially the happiest day of the year. Or one of the most depressing. Back to work, soon, you know.

But not yet, so why not escape the company of those who you’ve grown to resent by reading what sort of music a bunch of uppity young turds have decided to force up your bumholes to show much cooler than you they are. That’s right, it’s the annual rundown of hecklerspray’s favourite albums!

Oh look excited, for heaven’s sake. And add your own below…

Stuart Heritage

I spent half of this year mentally preparing to write a long, gushing piece on how much I love the Phoenix album, but then two things happened. 1) I ended up hearing it so much – at home, outside, on the radio, on TV shows – that the charm wore off slightly. 2) I heard Kings And Queens by Jamie T – which manages to be a Great British Album in the vein of Parklife or The Village Green Preservation Society or All Mod Cons and dazzlingly modern all at once. It’s turned me into an annoying Jamie T evangelist, so I’ll pick that. Also, well done to Devendra Banhart for making the third best album of the year. Again.

Shawn Lindseth

Ahh 2009, you were a great year for music. You started out with …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead shaking the very foundation of rock n’ roll (yet again) and you pretty much wrapped up with Julian Casablancas spraying us all down with some eighties-cool. And that’s not all. In the interim Eels howled at the moon, fun. tried to push peacocks onto the endangered species list, and Marcy Playground surprised us with a brand new album of impeccable quality.

But the best album…the greatest thing to digitally plunk out of my iPod – was Say Hi‘s Ohhs & Aahs.

Matthew Laidlow

Oh I can’t pick just one album, that’s just way too hard. It’s like asking a mother to pick one of her children from a burning fire. There has been plenty of amazing stuff this year that has entertained my ears and pissed off commuters on the bus. To be fair, Animal Collective kind of had the title of record of the year sown up in January with their ‘winning over the masses’ album Merriweather Post Pavilion. Honestly, it’s bloody great and if you like buying CDs in shops; it comes with some brilliant trippy artwork. The track My Girls is the highlight and is six minutes of disco meets electronica heaven. But my favourites of the year? Well if you care, they’d have to be Ambivalence Avenue by Bibio and If You Were Fruit by The Lovely Eggs. Both albums are completely different in terms of their genre and style but make a record that you’ll listen to again and again. I do anyway.

Chris Laverty

Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster Deluxe Edition – Not since Madonna could flex her biceps without also batting her eyelids has a pop star married the world of fashion and music with such gender bending confidence and downright dirty attitude as Lady Gaga. It is fair to say that most people couldn’t give a stuff about this sort of thing and just like their musicians to play a tune and upload as a pretty picture on their iPod. Gaga is perfect here too. Her songs are so catchy you will get on your own nerves singing them. Plus she rocks a bin-bag dress or lampshade bodice like nobody else before her. More interesting and cool than 99% of the regurgitating dance meets R&B meets electro acts out there, Lady Gaga has released a new album every bit as potty as you expected it to be. The clue is in her name, see. While copycat Rihanna pouts and frowns, Gaga just gets on with enjoying herself dressed as Minnie Mouse and singing songs in gibberish. All we need now is a duet with Michael Bublé and the greatest musical achievement this side of Wings awaits us.

Amy Grindhouse

My tastes are too eclectic to sum up in one word – other than the word eclectic. Let me try that again. My random taste in music sees me listening to everything from Johnny Cash to Alicia Keys. My favourite album for this year would probably be The Fame by Lady GaGa. Yes, really. It is a bundle of weirdness with just enough random pockets of ‘What the hell is this I’m listening to, eh?’ to keep someone like me interested.

Josh Burt

Being one of those awful angular types, who can’t possibly know anything about new music without feeling outed and self-conscious, I couldn’t name a good album from 2009. Perhaps Susan Boyle or Coldplay? I just bought this record on eBay, but it’s totally depressing and well old. My record of the year though, because I found it in 2009.

Paul Gibson

A New Tide by Gomez. First studio album since 2006′s quite wondrous How We Operate. It’s more pastoral than their previous works, with a lot more acoustic songs and a lot fewer rambling blues jams. That could upset some fans, but I think it works perfectly as a snapshot of the band’s current mental state. The boys are settling down (houses, wives, children) and becoming adults. This could be the beginning of their musical Second Age.

Keith Emmerson

A Camp – Colonia
While I could quite easily favour this album because of the heavenly beauty of Nina Persson alone, that’s not really it. I loved this album from the first listen, the opening track, The Crowning, teases you in with a gentle piano intro then builds more and more layers until you’re in the middle of a deep, warm and surrounding sound. Before you know it you’re at the melancholic but uplifting conversational duet Golden Teeth and Silver Medals. This is one of the few albums I’ve come to appreciate more after experiencing live, I’m going to listen to it some more now.

Louise Scodie

Walking on a Dream by Empire of the Sun

I first heard Empire of the Sun one night when I was feeling morose yet defiant. I was listening to Radcliffe and Maconie on Radio 2. The loveable duo burbled about prog rock for a bit and then played Walking on a Dream, Empire of the Sun’s first hit. I fell in love with it instantly because Empire of the Sun also sounded morose yet defiant. Their album, also entitled Walking on a Dream, is beautiful, melodic and petulant. We Are The People, its standout track, makes me want to run about, get drunk and hug people. Buy this album!

David Scarborough

Muse – Uprising
Unsurprisingly, Muse yet again return with another piece of audio mastery. Not their best album but it is probably the best rock record of the year. I can’t wait to see what they do next!

Robyn Wilder

Hold up, Granddad – album? Album? I don’t do albums man, I don’t have time! I’m a child of the future, I’m too busy cloning myself and pimping my hoverboard. I do have a favourite song, though. It is, predictably, She-Wolf by Shakira, for these reasons:

-          Awooooo!
-          The lyric “darling, this is lycanthropy.”
-          The viral campaign

Its AWESOME parody video. Actually it’s better than the original.

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Here we are again, filling the gap between Christmas and next year with our favourite stuff from the year gone by.

Now we know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “But hecklerspray, this is 2009 so why aren’t you doing a list of the best stuff that’s happened this decade?” And the answer to that is this: We forgot it was the end of the decade. Alright? We forgot. AND NOW IT’S TOO LATE.

Anyway, let’s fill this poxy post Christmas wilderness with the best films of the year, as picked by our ragtag bunch of young adventurers. Let us know if you disagree…

Stuart Heritage

Bit torn over this one, really – for me there’s not much between Up and In The Loop. So do I choose Up – which is lovely and sad and funny and in 3D – or In The Loop because a Scottish man says “Fuckity-bye” in it? Screw it, I’m going with Up. Particularly the first few minutes of Up, which are impressively devastating. That said, I do get the feeling that if Pixar continue down this road much longer, they’re going to make a film depressing enough to inspire mass suicides every time it’s shown. Not sure that’s such a great thing, really.

Shawn Lindseth

The best movie of 2009 should have been the one we made starring our neighbor Phil as a two armed, giant tarantula who’d acquired the taste for the feet of all women who have silicone breast implants. That makes a lot more sense in the context of the script.  No movie studios agreed, probably because they’re all retarded.

As such, the only film worth two shakes in the year of our Lord, 2009, was the  new Star Trek. It really was good though.

Matthew Laidlow

Even though it was given a verbal shitting by critics at the cinema, I still love 12 Rounds. Come on! You know 12 Rounds. The one with John Cena in. The wrestler John Cena? It’s an age-old and basic plot. Stupid bumbling cop John Cena stops a master criminal in his tracks and accidentally kills his girlfriend. Of course, this doesn’t make the naughty man happy and seeks revenge in prison when he’s not getting bum love off another inmate.

So for an hour and a bit, there are 12 rounds (get it) of challenges for poor John Cena to go through. Buy why is this? Well our villain is so cheesed off that he’s only gone and kidnapped Cena’s girlfriend. All in a crap attempt to gain revenge and do something on a grander scale. I won’t spoil it, but the ending had me in fits of laughter.

Josh Burt

When I say I love The Hangover – which I’m going to do in about two/three sentences time – I don’t mean I love it at all. What I mean is that I quite like that three minute segment near the beginning when they’re on the roof and Zach Galifianakis reads a small pre-prepared speech about being a lone wolf. That bit made me laugh. I fucking love The Hangover.

Chris Laverty

For someone who reviews films on a regular basis, picking the best often means picking the most flat out enjoyable; not necessarily the sharpest written, acted, directed or produced, just the one that put the widest smile on your face; the one that didn’t leave you sick with disappointment or bored to tears and desperate for a leak; the one that wasn’t Transformers 2. Having laughed harder than a drunken clown and spent 90 minutes scrawling quotable lines in my notebook instead of review notes, I would have to say that film was The Hangover.

Amy Grindhouse

Some of the films this year were really dire. They felt like over-long, over-produced, glorified music videos. The Michael Bay-type, with a trendy soundtrack and more explosions and boobs than dialogue. My favourite film of the year is one that had the balls to not contain any explosions. My head nearly exploded when I watched it, but that’s another matter entirely. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire is my favourite film by a mile, because it contains snazzy things like plot, emotion, and decent acting. All controversial and all bloody good.

Paul Gibson

The Hangover. Much-hyped, devilishly naughty comedy that had me forgetting my English genes and folding up with laughter in an American ‘movie theater’. Excellent ensemble cast (I think that’s the correct film review cliche), including Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis go to work on a beautifully-written script (“Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don’t, but do me a favor: don’t text me, it’s gay”). Plus, it made us see Mike Tyson as a human being again, rather than the monstrous half android/half bicep that has chased us through a decade of bad dreams.

Keith Emmerson

There were already rumours of an American remake of Let The Right One In when I saw a preview screening of this film, which is often incorrectly shoehorned into the vampire horror category. Perhaps those folks in Hollywood didn’t think the world at large had the (very limited) intellect required to enjoy a subtitled film, who knows. The vampiric element of this Swedish classic is probably the least important. It is a story about loneliness, growing up, companionship, bullying, and maybe even the futility of relationships; all se upon a desolate yet beautiful backdrop.

Louise Scodie

You’d have to be a hard-hearted puppyfucker not to be moved by Up. It’s my nomination for film of the year, film of the decade, and best film ever released in an October. Up is wonderful, and even more magical when viewed in 3D. The first fifteen minutes are a masterclass in storytelling and cinematography, seamlessly combining a love story with the harsh truth of the human condition (merry Christmas!). I also enjoyed He’s Just Not That Into You and plan to make a semi*cough*autobiographical sequel myself entitled He’s Just Not That Into You (Unless He’s Totally, Totally Mental).

David Scarborough

The funniest film of the year and it happens to be British – In The Loop. A satirical look at the British government that would be frightening if it wasn’t so darn hilarious! In a year when the startlingly average Slumdog Millionaire gets all the attention, this film got criminally overlooked.

Robyn Wilder

My favourite release of this year is Star Trek – so fresh! So original! No tedious Jean-Luc Picard French wine peasant backstory; no saggy Data; no bloody RIKER LOVE SCENES. This was prequel was so whizz-bang and personality-heavy that I forgot to wince whenever Sylar Spock’s waxed eyebrows filled the screen.

In fact they’re such jokers that they even made a gag reel:

However, so did the cast and crew of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and it fills me with FEAR:

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Now we're at the bum-end of 2007, it's time to reflect on the year gone by.

It's a year that's seen hecklerspray writers thrown out of magazine-based writing competitions for cheating, hecklerspray writers painted bright orange as a gruesome initiation to other magazines, hecklerspray writers going on serious news programmes to discuss the real threat of wanking Kenyan monkeys and hecklerspray writers waggling huge black dildos around while being scathing about Second Life for digital TV channels. And we're even told that some things happened over the course of 2007 that didn't directly involve people who work for hecklerspray, although we are yet to see proof of this.

But what about next year? What do our senior writers personally want from that? Let's take a look…

Stuart Heritage
Since 2007 was the year that hecklerspray won an award and got big enough for me to go on Sky News to discuss wanking Kenyan monkeys with a horrified newsreader, I'd like 2008 to be the year that you people get more involved by leaving more comments and whatnot. It's you who make hecklerspray what it is, and reading comments – positive or negative, thought-provoking or insulting – is a constant highlight of my day. So do that more please.

2008 might be the year that I try to give up being sincere as well. Bleurgh.

CJ Davies
Interesting one, this. Should I go wishing for something personal – like money, fame, power, or the reintroduction of Pretzel Flipz snacks and Mountain Dew soft drinks into the UK market (seriously, they may like starting wars and all that, but those Americans beat us hands down when it comes to unhealthy snacks. Next time you're out there, try a pack of Sour Skittles – they're pissing unbelievable, coated in some toxic extra layer of sugar that our poncy EU regulations presumably wouldn't allow on 'safety' grounds. The big bunch of girls).

Tempting, but nah. Instead, I'm going to be all out of character and offer what may be considered a 'nice gesture.' My wish is that you, the hecklerspray readers, have a very happy 2008. Because – despite scaring me with occasional obscene gay fanmail and comments like 'OMG OMG u r all haters dissing Pete Doherty, he is a poet innit' – I do kind of like you. Now, go on – enjoy your holidays, you cheeky little scamps.

Shawn Lindseth
As this year concludes and rolls into the next, I can't help but marvel at the scientific intricacies mankind has achieved – we have spaceships now, you know. Yet despite our apparent progress, I know no matter how innovative our creations become, man can never compare to the brilliance of nature.

Take for instance, a man's testicles. Nature created them at least 40 years ago, and the way they convert urine into life giving sperm is still eons beyond anything man could dare dream of creating. Thanks for that kind or stuff nature.

Oh, and my '08 wish is for a financial windfall.

Chris Laverty
I do not want world peace as I have been shipping arms through Iran for over a year now. I have never been so flush.

Gun running is not the easiest business in the world (try quoting it when you next renew your car insurance), yet the people make it worthwhile. Everywhere I go there is a friendly face. Not all of them are breathing, or even attached to a body, but I'm not much for small talk anyway. Best of all, this is the first time in my life that I've ever had a proper tan.

As for next year, I would love to see a gradual phasing out of the mobile phone (I use a satellite phone which is not really the same thing) – in particular texting.

If I see one more ruddy-faced teen button-clicking with such ferocity that he or she is likely to be claiming drugs off the NHS for the next 50 years because of the chronic Arthritis they have developed, I will shoot them with my own stock.

There is an irony in texting being the most anti-social pastime in the world; though not one funny enough to write about. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year – I've got a plane to catch.

Matthew Laidlow
I guess for 2008 I could bang on about finding a solutions for the world’s problems, like solving the lie that is global warming or – like Bono – trying to save the starving by giving them Big Macs or something, even though his efforts have apparently done fuck all. Though I did donate a pound for some rice to some hungry Africans, or maybe it was just a beggar exploiting my naivety so she could buy a tab of LSD. 

For 2008, the real miracle will not be reducing Polish people stealing all the crap jobs British people don’t want to do, but whether or not Axl Rose will finally shit out this bloody album he’s been on and on and on and on and on about for God knows how many years. I’d love to see what the ginger-locked rocker actually comes up with. He has had enough time working on it. Hopefully it’ll see the light of day at some point. even though we all know it's going to be the biggest pile of toss ever.

Annette Hyde
My wish for 2008 is to upgrade my life from lazy to not quite so lazy. I’d like to upgrade from basic cable to standard cable, upgrade from tape deck in my car to portable CD player, aim to put on my shoes on and apply my deodorant before I leave for work instead of while driving, and hemming my pants as opposed to taping them on the inside with duct tape. I know these are lofty goals, but I once I put my mind to something, it always gets done. Eventually. Usually by someone else, come to think of it.

We're coming back in full force on January 2, so be ready for us then. In the meantime, why not leave your own wishes for 2008 in the comment box below, just like one of us asked you to about 45 seconds ago. Christ, what's wrong with you people?