The first time Lindsay Lohan was ever accused of stealing, it was by an unattractive female DJ who then pretended she couldn’t find her heart.

The next time she was accused of stealing it was by the Mexican government – who claimed they couldn’t find Monterrey or three of its suburbs after she stayed there for a long weekend.

The third time she was accused of stealing, allegations included allusions to corporate espionage and reports of illicit Hollywood spray tans.

That last one - it’s unfolding even as we speak.

When Lindsay Lohan isn’t taping two different roles for Disney movie sequels about legalising identical twin incest (or something), she likes to dress in black, sneak into Coca Cola headquarters after hours and rummage through file cabinets looking for that stupid syrup recipe. We’ve heard that once she finds it she just wants to add something that’ll make it a little more egg-noggy.

“Because every day would taste like Christmas,” that’s what we heard she always says. It’s ridiculous, really.

Actually, Lohan probably hasn’t ever really broken into Coke headquarters – but that’s not to say she hasn’t had her skinny little hands in other sorts of corporate thievery. For instance, the Daily News says this:

“[Lohan] is being sued by a St. Petersburg, Fla., chemist for stealing the formula for her sunless tanning spray. Jennifer Sunday filed the lawsuit in Tampa, Fla. Federal court against Lohan and Lorit Simon, a Las Vegas businesswoman who air-brush tans celebrities and partnered up with Lohan to produce Sevin Nyne. Lilo and Simon claim credit for creating the tanning spray over the last three years. But Sunday’s attorney, Marcia Cohen, insists her client only recently perfected the formula used in the spray tan. According to the St. Petersburg Times, Sunday is suing Lohan, Simon, and Simon’s company for breach of contract, theft of trade secrets, civil conspiracy, intentional interference with contractual relations and deceptive and unfair trade practices.”

Well that sounds downright serious. Don’t worry though. We have a feeling that if deciding who actually invented the spray tan gets all the way to court, Lindsay will be able to supply several stained lab coats and cracked protective eye-wear as solid evidence that she was extremely hands-on since day one. Also we’re pretty sure Nostradamus mentioned something about Lohan’s fake tannery several years ago. It’s in the book of Nostradamus Genesis we think. Chapter 3.

If the Lohan lawyer gets a chance to say any of that in court, he really probably should. After all, several needy Hollywood complexions are at stake here. Can you imagine having to watch a Twilight sequel where the actors are even whiter?

Get your nozzles ready Lilo, your services are required.

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