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Hello. You’ve landed on the hecklerspray Super Bowl 2012 liveblog. Here, you’ll find a limey’s confused view on proceedings, complete with drunken ribaldry, American snack reviews, arrogance, a willful disregard for spelling and enough lame jokes to fill the average American’s cavernous gut. It’ll be great. Abuse and pedantry always welcome.
Women! When you’ve stopped complaining about the negative, overtly sexual images of women in media, which breed an unrealistic body-ideal in young girls, we’d like to point you in the direction of David Beckham in his underpants.
See, ol’ GoldenNads has done a photoshoot for some undercrackers he’s flogging through dreary clothing bazaar, H&M.
A number of women have stopped worrying about the patriarchy long enough to admire Beckham’s bulge and sigh with feint arousal everytime they see it. So what does David have to say about it? Well, it doesn’t involve stuffing but it does involve his daughter.
Remember when Janet Jackson invented the term ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the Super Bowl? That was good wasn’t it? In the old days, it was just called ‘flashing’ or ‘exposing yourself’, which is clearly what happened, but Janet’s people had to pretend it was an accident.
Well, people are a little nervous of a nipple being shown at the Super Bowl halftime show this year, mainly because no-one in their right mind wants to see Madonna’s rock-hard gym-sculpted banger on view, all sinew and veins.
And mercifully, she’s promised that this won’t be happening.
Super Bowl Sunday is nearly upon us, leaving 99.9% of the Great British public absolutely nonplussed. The remaining 1% is made entirely of 3 super fans and a host of the curious. Still, that shouldn’t stop us looking at it.
See, the Super Bowl is one of the most peculiar events on the planet. It’s probably the biggest sporting event that is honest enough to let-on that, basically, the game itself is the least important element of it.
And there’s so much else to pick at. The commercials are a big talking point, not to mention the halftime show (this year, featuring Madonna). One of the best things about American events is the need to sing the awful and saccharine National Anthem. With that, we are going to look at some of the worst renditions of the Star Spangled Banner, EVER.
You may think the Super Bowl is all about a sporting event, but you’re wrong. It’s all about television and, specifically, the adverts that litter the game. American Football is the perfect sport for the advertising exec.
Why?
Well, not only is America filled with vain, greedy sporting superstars who are willing to shill to the highest bidder, but American Football is also filled with stop/start action and, for every stop, there’s a chance for a television advert. To many, the commercials are the whole reason for tuning in. IMAGINE! Anyway, if you can’t be bother with all that sport cluttering up a perfectly good break, here’s the ten best Super Bowl big game commercials.
Ah the Super Bowl, the pinnacle of sporting exuberance and over celebration. And as it’s Super Bowl (or Superb Owl if you prefer), we’ll be running a series of specials to whet your whistles. In the words of Stanley Ralph Ross, so immortalised by Jim McKay “The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat”.
The unfortunate truth about the Super Bowl is that a large proportion of them have been crap, crap, one-sided affairs that were not so much the ultimate gladiatorial fight that is often portrayed, but more like that bit in Raiders of the Lost Arc where Indiana just shoots the sword wielding guy.
Anyways, regardless of the final outcome there have been some very good individual moments from the Super Bowl, here’s the best top 10 Super Bowl moments your stupid eyes will ever see.
The good looking version of Herman Munster, George Clooney, has used his charm to get a lot of things in his life. If you believe the rumours, his charm has worked best on throwing people off the scent that he might be gay.
We’ve no idea if he’s gay or not and don’t rightly care. That’s because he’s a massive slag either way.
How so? Well, what happened to you when you found out you didn’t get tickets for some stupid event at the London 2012 Olympics? You basically looked into your lap, dejectedly, and thought ‘that’s that then’. Clooney is a star though. He can slag it up in the media asking for a freebie.
The Super Bowl halftime show is a very, very prestigious gig. Some of music’s biggest stars have done a turn there. Prince. Paul McCartney. Bruce Springsteen. Er… Black Eyed Peas. In defence of the latter, they were awful and suicide rates went up six-hundredfold when they played.
Wait. That’s no defence. Did someone say defence? DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE!
Anyway, to make amends for the urine crotched BEPs, the organisers of the greatest commercial break on television have decided to announce that Madonna will be doing the halftime show at the Super Bowl XLVI halftime show on Feb. 5 in Indianapolis. Let those football tossing guys really see what a masculine, ripped Body Of David really looks like, eh?
