split - HecklerSpray

Damn, Taylor Swift’s People are Good

September 6th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Taylor Swift and her weirdly sexy and totally random boyfriend, Tom Hiddleston, haven’t been seen together in a while after what seems like a full summer of the ‘We’re So In Love!’ tour. Maybe Taylor has been in hiding since getting her breasts done (it’s so obvious, girl), or maybe there’s trouble in paradise.

Inside sources (aka Taylor’s people) are saying that Swift will NOT be attending the Emmy’s later this month with Hiddelston, because she doesn’t like all the attention the relationship has been getting, even though she was all for constant photo ops with him all July long.

Russell Crowe Ends Marriage, Becomes Happy Hobo

October 17th, 2012 By Chris Starr

Breakups are fucking difficult, man. As someone who’s recently (I say recently: it’s been three months, which is still a fairly big percentage of my life, all told) come out of a long-term relationship I know it’s hard. Which is why I’m so happy to see Russell Crowe looking like a happy hobo.

Truth be told, there have been points where I wished that I too could withdraw from society, grow a bitchin’ beard and put on a goofy smile for cameras. After all, when’s a better time than when single to grow facial hair? When you’re in a relationship, women crave the look of a good beard, but then as soon as you get close enough to kiss them they go “ow it scratches”.

Tulisa Runs Away To USA Where They Don’t Have The Internet Or Sarcasm

March 29th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Leave it! Two two’s naaah! Tulisa Contostavlos is fleeing the UK to hide away in the US after being repeatedly mocked over her sex tape with MC Ultra. Mainly because she doesn’t appear to be very good at giving gobbles.

The X Factor judge is planning to escape by heading to Miami to visit ?Terius Nash (or, The-Dream to you) who clearly doesn’t have the clout to be sarcastic about her sex tape and indeed, mustn’t have an internet connection like the rest of America.

So what’s The Female Boss (Female Nosh more like) saying about it all?

N-Dubz Fazer Incoherently Vomits Into Twitter Concerning Tulisa Sex Tape

May 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

We’ve all seen the ALLEGED Tulisa sextape by now, haven’t we? If you have she’s ALLEGEDLY not very good at blow-jobs. And she ALLEGEDLY likes hitting herself on her ALLEGED forehead with a penis.

Anyway, it’s all gone a bit mental and injunctions have been taken out, Dappy has said it was definitely her in the video and that it was bandmate Fazer who had his widger on show.

So what does Fazer have to say about it? Well, in a baffling missive, Fazer has vented on twitter in such a manner that he may well have been typing with his cockie.

Obligatory Mention Of Tulisa’s Sex Tape

May 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

So, Tulisa has a sex tape does she? Of course, lawyers are saying it isn’t her (although the video contains someone with the exact same DNA as the X Factor judge, it seems) and everyone is hastily taking down stills from the video.

That’d be the video which has Tulisa’s dead-ringer sucking what appears to be (actually is) an engorged male member. Apparently, the phallus whacks her on the forehead at one point, which is always nice.

But of course, legally speaking, it isn’t her… despite what Dappy – her bandmate and cousin – said on twitter, dropping her right in it. Just think of that. Watching your cousin’s sex tape. How very, very tasteful.

Katy Perry Says Friends Don’t Care About Celebrity… While Travelling The World At Her Expense

March 19th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Katy Perry isn’t like other popstars is she? Apart from the countless and obvious comparisons to all the other popstars of course. But yeah, she’s totally different. She married an ugly tall thin man for starters.

Either way, Perry is now focused on her friends since she and Russell Brand went their separate ways. Friends are the best aren’t they? They drink coffee with you, are there when you cry, there’s the Chandler one and of course, they don’t care what your job is – they love you for who you are.

And so, Katy Perry would like to talk up her pals and says that she?loves travelling with then because they ‘don’t give a crap about the hubbub’ that surrounds her celebrity status. They clearly enjoy you paying for everything though, not to mention the money which comes in handy when they appear in various publications as ‘sources’.

Begin The Self-Harming! N-Dubz Have Split!

March 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Oh god, all of our worst fears have come true. Worse than being trapped in a lift with Kris Akabusi and Ainsley Harriot… worse than watching a sex tape with James Blunt… N Dubz have split up.

We’re uncontrollably upset. This is grade-A grieving. Snot bubbles, sticking heads in the oven, scratching the eyes out of photographs uproarious sorrow.

And how did we find it out? Why, through the portal of sin, Twitter. And once again, Tulisa was the one doing all the talking.

Katy Perry To Write Tell-All Booky Wook About Russell Brand?

March 13th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Russell Brand and Katy Perry’s marriage was a surprise to everyone. He, the infantile Victorian magician with a Morrissey obsession and she, the Carry On popstar with a puntacular career and a long face.

When they split-up, everyone joined-in on a giant collective shrug and vaguely wondered what might happen next.

Well, one thing on the cards is a tell-all book from Katy Perry where she talks explicitly about Brand’s long, thin member and the various cutesy names he stuck to it.

Heidi Klum Lives Inside A Tornado (Nice And Airy Then?)

March 9th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Supermodel Heidi Klum used to have it all. A moderately well-know singing husband named after a greasy bewhiskered mammal, legs that did the right thing down a catwalk and great Halloween costumes.

However, since her split with Seal, she’s done something really stupid.

She’s moved out of a presumably nice house in some sunny climate and, for some reason, decided to live inside a tornado instead. She’s clearly lost her mind.

Jennifer Aniston Has Clearly Gone Insane As Well As Forgetting All About Crying Courteney Cox

March 9th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

When Brad Pitt ran off with Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston cried and cried and cried. Every time we heard about her, she was weeping, jealous, lonely, worried and generally pathetic in a vest top (no bra, natch).

Now, it would seem that the baton of wallow has been passed to Aniston’s good chum, Courteney Cox who still has far too many E’s in her name.

Y’see,?Jen’s friendship with Courteney Cox has reportedly becoming ”strained” since she started dating Justin Theroux. The bitch! How dare she have the temerity to have a happy relationship while Courteney Cox is grieving her husband having it off with another woman? Wait. Is this payback?