There's no way of politely putting this, so we'll just go ahead and say it - Dolly Parton's breasts are pure evil.

Alright, maybe pure evil is a bit of an overstatement - it's not like they're responsible for more than maybe five or six global atrocities - but you can't deny that Dolly Parton's breasts are a right old couple of bastards. 

Why? Because Dolly Parton's boobs are so big that they've knackered her back and forced her to cancel an entire tour. Where are we supposed to get our fix of ancient, massive-boobed, rootin'-tootin' country and western music now? Keith Urban?