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Spice Girls

The Spice Girls Get Bewilderingly Rich

by Stuart Heritage

The Spice Girls reunion has been rubbish – singles have tanked, albums have underperformed nobody seems to care about their live show whatsoever.

But somehow, despite all that, the Spice Girls have managed to make £10 million from their string of concerts at the O2. That’s £10 million each, by the way.

And if we were the Spice Girls’ accountants, we’d recommend that they should be prudent with this new windfall because, treated sensibly, it could be enough for them to never work again. Basically we want the Spice Girls to never work again.

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Spice Girls Drag Their Kids Onstage

by Stuart Heritage

The Spice Girls gave something rather special to their audience this week – no, Geri Halliwell didn’t do the decent thing and cover herself up for once, but the Spice Girls all brought their children onstage.

During their performance of Mama at the O2 arena in London on Tuesday night, it’s been reported that most of the Spice Girls brought their children onstage to say hello to the thousands of buyerless eBay touts who make up their audience these days. In the middle of the song Victoria Beckham, Mel B and Emma Bunton all brought their kids out on stage. In fact, the only Spice Girl mother not to introduce her child to the audience was Geri Halliwell, for fear that the effect of 20,000 people all derisively going “pffft” at the same time after hearing the name Bluebell Madonna would knock over a lighting rig or flip the stage upside down or something.

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Emma Bunton Hobbles Around Like An Old Lady

by Stuart Heritage

As if the Spice Girls reunion wasn’t going badly enough already, now Emma Bunton has fallen over, knackered her ankle and has to hobble around on crutches.

It’s been reported that Emma Bunton – also known as Infantile Spice by her young fans – stacked it onstage during a Spice Girls show in Las Vegas and now she’s in a cast. But don’t you worry, London-based Spice Girls fans – Emma Bunton has vowed that by the time the Spice Girls’ world tour hits London she’ll have recovered completely, even if she has to spend 13 hours chewing off her bad leg – cauterising the wound with a red-hot travel iron as she goes – and replacing it with one big penny farthing wheel, a bit like those dogs who go round hospitals have.

Yes, that’s actually what Emma Bunton said.

No it isn’t.

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Spice Girls Comeback Inflicts Itself On Vancouver

by Stuart Heritage

The Spice Girls comeback hasn’t exactly been a top-notch success yet – there’s been a failed single, an underperforming Best Of album and a Tesco advert so distressing that it’s given us recurring nightmares about Posh Spice’s rubbery mouth.

But all of that can be consigned to the past, because the real money-making leg of the Spice Girls comeback kicked off last night – it was the first concert of the Spice Girls’ reunion world tour in Vancouver. 16,000 screaming Spice Girls fans packed into General Motors Place to see Scary Spice, Baby Spice, Sporty Spice, Posh Spice and Alarmingly Muscular Spice go through all their biggest hits, plus that new song that nobody bought. And according to early reviews, the Spice Girls comeback show is a hit, even though at one point it apparently featured The Sporty Spice Tribute To Lenny Kravitz In Association With The Sort Of Harrowing Bondage Gear That Will Make You Spend The Rest Of Your Life Shivering And Alone.

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Reunited Spice Girls Sing Songs In The Name Of Bras

by Stuart Heritage

Although the Spice Girls comeback tour doesn’t properly kick off for a couple more weeks, it doesn’t mean that the girls can’t get together and dress up like a bunch of extras from an old Dad’s Army episode for cash.

And that’s just as well, because last night that’s exactly what they did. At the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Hollywood last night, the world got its first taste of the full Spice Girls line-up singing live for almost a decade. And, weird World War II-inspired costumes aside, it seems as if the Spice Girls went down a storm and disappointed nobody. True, much of this was accomplished by the Spice Girls not stripping down to their Victoria’s Secret underwear as a climax to the show – something that at least prevented everyone dying in that tidal wave of tears and vomit that we’d been anticipating.

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Spice Girls Slag Up Children In Need

by Matthew Laidlow

Yup, it’s that time of year where the charity drive begins and we are made to feel guilty about how ‘lucky’ we are.

Children In Need makes raising money fun and leaves you with a genuine feeling that you’re doing something good. From having a bath in baked beans or doing a sponsored bungee jump, it’s all about having a good time. And it gives your mates the chance to laugh at you. This comes in contrast to people begging for your bank details for donations in rainy shopping city centres on your lunch break. Alongside a nationwide drive to raise money, there’s also a charity single. Shane Richie, Girls Aloud and S Club 7 have all done it before. It’s usually a sweet and innocent affair with a nice cuddly song and video. But this year, they’ve let the Spice Girls do it. In hardly any clothes

It’s enough to make Pudsey go blind in the other eye!

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