Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

What’s the scariest thing you can think of? If you said Mof Gimmers in a silk nightie we don’t blame you. You’re wrong though. What would be far scarier than that is a man morphing into a pig then morphing into a bat right in front of your freaking eyes. You don’t think that sounds scary? Well what if we told you the bat would fly up your butt then start the whole process again. Scary, right?

We thought so.

This story contains no further reference to bats flying up people’s butts. Let’s get that out of the way right now. It will contain plenty about a shape-shifter though. Just so you know – this particular creature doesn’t seem to have a cool name yet. We’d really like to see ‘Jack the Ripper II, Son of Jack’ catch on. It’s an established name and may really get this beast a solid publicity jumpstart.

And it could probably use that murderous tie in – because it sure isn’t earning a name on it’s own. This thing isn’t known to have ever harmed man nor beast.  As we understand things, you’d be more likely to be handed a doughnut when in this creatures vicinity than to have your throat bitten and mangled. Monsters nowadays are so lazy.

Here’s what we know, according to News24.com:

“”The community says that the monster changes shape while you are looking at it,” Warrant Officer Zandisile Nelani said.  He said one man had reported it changed from a man wearing a suit into a pig and then into a bat. The creature had been sighted on a number of occasions near a church and only appeared at night, Nelani said….Although some locals were frightened of it, it had not harmed any people or livestock.”

If we saw some guy in the middle of the night scream out in pain, writhe down to the moon-lit ground, disappear into his loose clothes and then emerge as a pig, we’d be 1) Pretty relieved that we probably weren’t about to die, and 2) Disappointed that no ancient ceremonial dance started the whole process.

Of course when the pig then turned into a bat, we’d probably reach for a broom and see if we couldn’t find a taxidermist with reasonable prices. If we could make it change shape while stuffed on a wooden base, well there’s probably some money up in there.

10 - Guess what happens when a raccoon’s mouth meets the penis of a raccoon rapist? That’s right, this - Perthnow

9 - End of the world update: People have invented batteries powered by human blood – Geekologie

8 - The only good thing about Spider-Man 3 might be back for Spider-Man 4 – Jumpingtheshark

7 – Robert DeNiro‘s only two faces - Bestweekever

6 - Want to make a backpack out of a cereal box? OK – Instructables

5 - Do you like bookshelves? You do? Well this is going to be like bloody Christmas for you, then – Topcultured

4 - Frankly, the best marketing image for a terrible film we’ve ever seen – Image

3 – And now, the second-best thing about South Africa – Break

2 - Talk to strangers on the internet! We do, despite the vast cost to our mental wellbeing – Omegle

1 – We can’t tell if this is ironic or massively sexist. Little help?…

Chris Rock, until recently widely regarded as the funniest man in the English speaking world (as recent as yesterday, in fact) has all of a sudden lost his sense of humour entirely.

Chris, currently touring his ‘No Apologies’ show around South Africa, was the butt of a US reality TV show prank.

You ask: what was said prank? Well, he he, get this! God, we’re laughing just typing it down! Right, this TV show (which no one seems to know the name of) made accusations that Chris Rock has, wait for it… had sex with an underage British girl – when he hasn’t! Ahahahahahaha!

Genius! And yet, for some reason, Chris Rock didn’t find being accused of statuatory rape funny in the slightest. The bloody square.

Back in his 2005 HBO special, ‘Never Scared’, Chris said of R Kelly (in reference to the video at the centre of R Kelly’s current underage watersport trial):

R Kelly’s lost his mind. He gotta lotta balls saying ‘it aint me’. Motherfucker, we know what you look like!…At one point on the tape R Kelly is eating this girls ass out like it’s puppy chow. He’s in her ass like he’s got diabetes and her ass’ got insulin in it.

Oh, he can dish it out, for sure, but can he take it? The answer seems to be ‘no’. Not so funny when the jokes on you, eh, Christopher?

Chris, to be fair, has a strong defence, in as far as the whole thing is fictional, which will no doubt be R Kelly’s next attempt to clear his name:

A cast member of the anonymous show appeared in court on Monday demanding Rock be taken into custody, but the judge refused on the grounds that Rock could not be arrested or detained without a proper warrant.

Honestly, a TV show can’t even accuse an innocent black man of rape anymore!

After hearing the rumours, Chris immediately sought clarification on the charges he so foolishly believed had actually been brought against him.

Tlali Tlali, a National Prosecuting Authority spokesman, told AFP:

It was a hoax, it was for one of the US reality television programmes. They pulled one on him, information got to him that the South African Police Service was going to arrest him. Acting on that information, he quickly approached lawyers who brought an urgent application at the Johannesburg High Court ,where judgement was in his favour. This one went too far, it must have been organised quite carefully.