Sorry - HecklerSpray

Megan Fox Might Be Upset That She Was Caught Cheating. Maybe.

July 13th, 2011 By Amy Grindhouse

We’re more scared of lawyers than we are of spiders – so we’re going to tread carefully, all the while shrieking and flapping like a bunch of hysterical women if any of us sees an actual spider. It’s being reported that the wandering lady garden of Megan Fox bad touched Shia LaBeouf for a whole six months while they were filming together. And, it’s further alleged it’s ruining Megan’s marriage.

Backing up a little, for clarity and because someone needs to hoover under our feet, their tryst first began on the set of Alien Robots Smash Things.

It would appear, at the behest of director Michael Bay, the 20-somethings pretended to fancy each other and that turned into sleeping together.

Tom Cruise Is Sorry For Absolutely Everything

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

In many ways, Tom Cruise sees his new movie Valkyrie as redemption for all the berseko weirdness he’s forced on us lately.

Look, OK, we know that technically Lions For Lambs was the movie that was supposed to be Tom Cruise’s redemption from all the berserko weirdness, but nobody watched that so it doesn’t count. Understood?

So instead, Tom Cruise is promoting Valkyrie by continuing his long, painful roadshow of apologies. This time, Tom has dropped in Matt Lauer to say sorry for calling him ‘glib’ during an interview three years ago. Great – maybe soon he’ll apologise for letting us waste our lives watching War Of The Worlds as well.

Lindsay Lohan’s Dad: Sorry I Called Your Girlfriend Dark & Hideous

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

So Lindsay Lohan’s career is deeper in the pooper than ever, but it doesn’t matter – after all, family is what’s most important.

And that’s why Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael has chosen now to do the most charming, heartwarming thing he’s probably ever done – he’s finally decided to take back his comments about Lindsay Lohan’s girlfriend Sam Ronson being “dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity.”

What an incredible show of compassion! From now on, Michael Lohan will no longer use the words ‘dark’, ‘hideous’, or ‘disgusting’ in association with Sam Ronson for fear of offending Lindsay Lohan. Fortunately, that does still leave him with the adjectives ‘abominable’, ‘appalling’, ‘detestable’, ‘loathsome’, ‘repugnant’, ‘revolting’, ‘sickening’ and ‘unsightly’, so look out for any or all of those bad boys in the next few weeks.

Hey Everyone, Ringo Starr’s Sorry For Being An Idiot

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As we all know, Ringo Starr has too much to do these days to justify pointless crap like being nice to his own fans.

However, some crazy old idiots got upset at Ringo Starr’s recent request for his fans to stop sending him stuff, so he’s decided to clarify his confusing little outburst. You see, Ringo Starr only wants you to stop sending him stuff because it hurts the environment and objects he signs only end up being hawked on eBay anyway.

Ringo’s quick decision to clear up the mess he made should be applauded – now we know that he doesn’t hate his fans, just the fans who like buying his autographs on the internet. And now we can also be sure that it really was Ringo Starr in that video earlier this week, rather than the melted underpowered robot of a kestrel in sunglasses that we assumed we were watching.

Tim McGraw Is Sorry About His Stupid New Album

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

The best thing about being a rootin’-tootin’ country and western singer is that you’re allowed to offend anyone you want – just look at Tim McGraw.

Last week saw the release of a new Tim McGraw album, and Tim McGraw wants everyone to know how completely sorry he is about it. You see, Tim McGraw was upset because the new album was a Greatest Hits collection and it was full of his most famous old songs that people enjoy listening to, rather than the collection of new bad rubbish that he wanted to release.

So, to counter this, Tim McGraw has released a statement showing his anger at the album’s release and pleading with fans not to buy it. And, in turn, Tim McGraw’s record label’s next release will be a collection of Tim McGraw b-sides all performed by crying children trapped down a well with a tuba player and fanged clown.

George Michael Says Sorry For That Whole ‘Crack Arrest’ Thing

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

When George Michael is caught being a dimwit in public he tends to respond with either an apology or a furious phonecall to Richard & Judy.

And, since Richard & Judy isn’t on the telly any more, that means that George Michael only has one way to respond to his arrest this weekend on suspicion of sitting on a toilet in Hampstead Heath trying to eat a chunk of crack the size of an owl, or whatever it was that he was arrested for.

In short, now that he’s been cautioned for his possession of crack, George Michael has issued an apology to all his fans promising that he’s going to try and overcome his drug problems once and for all. And a good thing too, because all the George Michael fans needed to calm down – otherwise they’d have done a really slapdash job of cutting everyone’s hair today.

Miley Cyrus Sorry For Being All Shrieky And Young And Whatever

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hey you! If you like news stories about people you’ve barely heard of possibly being somewhat rude about people you’ve never heard of, are you ever in for a treat!

And, since this story contains a public apology, you can bet your balls that it features Miley Cyrus as well. And it does! Miley Cyrus has apologised for a YouTube video of her apparently mocking Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato, who are apparently Disney stars or something. Honestly, not a clue.

Anyway, we have the offending Miley Cyrus video for you after the jump. Chances are it’ll make just as little sense to you as did to us, but at least it proves one thing beyond reason – that Miley Cyrus has the speaking voice of an abusive, chainsmoking pensioner.

Someone We Don’t Know Is Sorry For Slagging Off An Olsen

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Perhaps we should start watching The Hills – by the look of it it features more per capita obnoxiousness than a shedful of Lohans.

Take Spencer Pratt, for example. We have no idea who Spencer Pratt is, and the only way we'd be able to identify him in the street is because he'd be the one loudly braying about what a tosspot he thinks Mary-Kate Olsen is.

Actually he won't. Spencer Pratt doesn't do that any more. He used to, though – not so long ago he told a magazine that Mary-Kate Olsen was a 'troll' who wasn't very cute – but not any more. Spencer Pratt has issued a sincere apology for the 'troll' jibe, finally putting an end to a celebrity feud that was so staggeringly pointless and short-lived that you didn't even care if it existed or not in the first place.

Sharon Stone Sorry For Pissing Off All Of China

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hold the phone, word’s coming in that the unthinkable has just happened – brace yourselves, Sharon Stone has done something that isn’t utterly stupid.

This doesn’t happen often, so make the most of it. After saying that the recent Chinese earthquake, which has killed 70,000 people and left another five million homeless, was the result of bad karma for the country’s mistreatment of Tibet, Sharon Stone has managed to finally issue an apology.

Sharon Stone says she’s so sorry for offending the Chinese people with her thoughtless remarks that she’s going to devote herself to helping those affected by the earthquake however she can. Does anyone else get the feeling this is going to end with a patronising feature-length documentary entitled Damage Limitation: Sharon Stone Cries At Some Chinese People And Insincerely Refers To Them As ‘Incredible Little People’? Just us?

Foxy Brown Sorry For That Old Phone-Bludgeoning Thing

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Jail has changed Foxy Brown, that’s for sure.

In the past, if anybody had been stupid enough to accuse Foxy Brown of any wrongdoing, they’d have to spend a week afterwards trying to pull their kneecaps out of their nostrils with a set of blood-splattered pliers.

But not any more. Now that she’s out of jail, Foxy Brown got to go to court to face charges over that time she punched her neighbour’s head in with a Blackberry. And rather than lie and gripe her way straight back to jail, Foxy Brown unusually pleaded guilty and apologised. So it finally looks as if Foxy Brown has learnt her lesson. That’s rubbish, what are we supposed to write about now?