Advertising – it’s the easiest job in the world.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but coming up with a successful advert is not exactly brain surgery. Bit of sex, a lot of humour and a cracking song and you could sell vomit-coloured shoes to even the most discerning of fashion shoppers. We like to think we are immune to such obvious marketing tricks, but we’re not.

Tampons are not exactly a regular on my shopping list. But give me an ad featuring Anna Friel in a skimpy top dancing to the Pixies or some cracking Motown track and it won’t be long before I’ll be queuing up for my sanitary towel fix.

That’s because good music works – it can make even the most insufferably tedious and boring things appear cool. Just look at Michael Stipe. But which are your favourites? Which advert tracks had you rushing to the shops, only to come away scratching your head over why you actually bought the crappy item?

The kind that leaves you scouring the iTunes just so you didn’t have to endure countless more advertising breaks in the hope of hearing it again. But getting the right track can be sometimes troublesome. Trying to flog any old piece of crap by sticking a half-decent track from The Beatles or Rolling Stones on the advert is not a guaranteed win, which kind of disproves my earlier point, but whatever.

Anyway, here at hecklerspray we have compiled our favourites. Just to clarify, we don’t mean advert ditties – we are talking about proper song tracks. Feel free to let us know what you think – not that you need any encouragement! Enjoy!

20. A Minha Menina by Os Mutantes
Advert: McDonald’s

Great song by one of the world’s greatest ever bands, and an important message as well – gorging yourself silly on mechanically-reclaimed meat is better than exercise. That is the point of the ad, isn’t it?

19. Flat Beat by Mr Oizu
Advert: Levis Sta-Prest trousers

Yes, it got annoying quickly. But that was only because everyone else loved it as much as you did.

18. Pink Moon by Nick Drake
Advert: Volkswagen

Foolish Nick Drake. Would he have killed himself if he knew that one day he’d be advertising German cars from beyond the grave? Almost certainly not.

17. Another Girl, Another Planet - The Only Ones
Advert: Vodafone

Hey, we need a song to advertise free weekend telephone calls for kids. What should the song be about? Debilitating heroin addiction? BINGO! Good job the song’s so brilliant, really.

16. Heart Attack and Vine by Screaming Jay Hawkins
Advert: Levi jeans

Who finds the best songs to use in adverts? Levis. Apart from when they used Babylon Zoo, obviously. Remember Babylon Zoo? No? OK, never mind.

15. Slow Hands by Interpol
Advert: Armani

Good song, stylish brand and, oh, Josh Hartnett. Oh Armani, you were so close.

14. Can’t Seem to Make You Mine by The Seeds
Advert: Lynx Bullet Advert

A song so good it almost makes us want to buy impractically small canisters of schoolboy deodorant. Almost.

13. Beggin’ by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons (remix)
Advert: Adidas

An advert featuring a remix of a Frankie Valli song and starring The Ting Tings that isn’t overwhelmingly horrible? Goodness.

12. Phat Planet by Leftfield
Advert: Guinness

Never bettered, by Guinness or Leftfield. Or humanity, for that matter.

11. Just Another Diamond Day by Vashti Bunyan
Advert: T-Mobile

If you listen to this song and then throw yourself off a building, the ground will go soft and you almost definitely won’t die. Although we’re legally required to tell you that you must never, ever, try it. Ever.

10. Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung
Advert: Volkswagen

The answer to the question ‘What song should advertise our advert now that Radiohead have repeatedly turned us down?’

9. Little Less Conversation, by Elvis vs JXL
Advert: Nike

Tick follows tock follows tick follows… oh, sorry, wrong advert. Anyway, Wiltord – one of the world’s best football players? Really?

8. Cover version of Joy Division’s Ceremony
Advert: Absolut

Marvellous retweaking of a marvellous song. End.

7. Heart of Glass, by Blondie
Advert: Next

Classic song and beautiful girls. Shallow? Us?

6. I Just Want To Make Love To You by You by Etta James
Advert: Diet Coke

A bunch of women getting excited about a man who drinks Diet Coke as a matter of choice. Something tells us they’re barking up the wrong tree.

5. Venus in Furs by The Velvet Underground
Advert: Pirelli

Annoyingly, this advert doesn’t seem to be anywhere on the internet. But it was excellent and the song was good and the man who directed it also made American History X, so shut up.

4. I Heard It Through The Grapevine, by Marvin Gaye
Advert: Levi jeans

Very possibly the most dated thing in the universe. But, God, that song…

3. Tame by Pixies
Advert: Smirnoff

We like The Pixies. Did we ever mention that?

2. Inside by Stiltskin
Advert: Levi 501

Almost made us like Stiltskin, this, until we heard any other Stiltskin music. Good ad, though.

1. Heartbeats, by The Knife
Sony Bravia

The perfect marriage of audio and visual. The end.

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With E3 over with for another year, I thought it was time to take stock.

Well, I have had a great time and really enjoyed trying out lots of new games.

The highlight of the trip was meeting McLovin from Superbad, but really, I have to say, my celebrity quota has been quite poor – maybe they have actually heard of us.

In fact, the only thing I’ve probably caught is pig flu.

Anyway, I thought now was the time to reflect and being the bloke who does most of the lists on this site, I thought I would go through the biggest winners and losers from E3.

On Monday, I am also going to tell you which of the games I tried I would definitely buy, and which I wouldn’t touch with a bargepole.

Then I’ll stop droning on about bloody E3.

WINNERS
1. Booth girls

Who would have thought so many attractive girls were into gaming?

In fact, they are so into it, they spend most of their day at their favourite stand and even dress up for the occasion.

It’s wrong to admit, I know, but I spent most of the first day gawping at the booth girls followed by several moments of self-loathing as I realised just how young they are.

What I found particularly amusing is that while they are happy to lap up the attentions of thousands of sweaty, eager men, a quick look of disdain at any gamer who fancies his chances is never too far away.

So which was the best one? Definitely the EverQuest girl. Sad, isn’t it?

2. Ubisoft

Ubisoft really set the standard, with some very impressive demos for Assassin’s Creed 2, Ruse and Splinter Cell: Conviction, topped off with an early look at Avatar, which is due out in October, a couple of months before James Cameron’s ground-breaking movie.

Even legendary Hollywood producer John Landau was trundled out for every 40-minute showing to put us in the frame.

It certainly looked amazing, my only concern is that without 3D TV, you really are not going to get anything other than a pretty good third-person shooter.

3. Apple
OK, I am sure Apple was hardly holding their collective breaths at Microsoft’s expected announcement that their ‘iPod killer’ ZuneHD would somehow be integrated into the Xbox experience.

But, despite being promised that at E3 “attendees will see first-hand how Zune integrates into Xbox LIVE to create a game-changing entertainment experience”, all we got was the news that Zune Video Marketplace had moved on to Xbox Live.

Where was Zune audio? And where was the deeper Zune integration we were promised?

If Microsoft are going to get anywhere near Apple on this, they need to speed things up. I cannot see myself ditching my iPod in a hurry at this rate.

4. Activision

With DJ Hero, developed by FreeStyleGames and available on Wii, PS2, PS3, Xbox 360 in October, and Modern Warfare 2’s breathtaking demo at Microsoft’s press conference on Monday, Activision were the standout stars of E3.

5. Mario

With four new Mario titles announced for this year – DS Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story, Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Galaxy 2 and Mario vs. Donkey Kong: March of the Minis – it is going to be another great year for the pint-sized plumber.

6. Sony

Sony was almost relegated to the loser camp because of the really boring press conference and their failure to introduce a new, slimmed-down version of the PS3.

But with PS3 exclusives, like the quite brilliant UnCharted 2 and Gran Turismo 5, and the impressive PSP Go, this could well be a good 12 months for Sony.

7. Electronic Arts
I was not that impressed with the previews for Dante’s Inferno, Army of Two: The 40th Day, Brutal Legend or Fight Night: Round 4, but in Mass Effect 2 EA probably had the best game at E3.

8. THQ
The new Homefront and Red Faction games are sure to be huge hits.

9. Microsoft

Microsoft has simply blown Nintendo and Sony away this week. Their press conference was the only one where I did not feel I would have happily gnawed my own hands off just to get out of.

Plus, I am genuinely excited, if not a little creeped out, by ‘Project Natal’ and the latest social media add-ons to Xbox Live.

Their presentation was packed with A-list celebrities, moved along at a fast pace and was genuinely exciting.

The announcement of Metal Gear Solid: Rising coming to the 360 was the icing on the cake.

10. Lego

Lego: Rock band

OK, I’ll admit I am a sucker for Lego. Since I was a kid, I have loved everything Lego – and nothing has changed much since. In fact, I would like to make the whole world Lego, if I had the chance. I could call it Legoland – imagine that?

If Sting turned himself into a Lego character, I might even like him. OK, maybe not. Anyway, this year’s E3 saw new titles such as Lego Rock Band, Harry Potter, Indiana Jones and Batman.

They all looked brilliant and are sure to welcome new generations into Lego. Remember kids: don’t make war, make Lego.

11. E3 organisers
After last year’s bore, organisers should give themselves a collective pat on the back after delivering an event that was packed with exciting events, news and exhibits. It was back to the old days.

LOSERS
1. Our wallets
If Sony, Nintendo and Microsoft are serious about picking up new gamers they are going to have make it affordable. This year’s E3 yielded not one price cut from the big three.

2. Handheld controllers

Microsoft has really set the cat among the pigeons with their ambitious Project Natal – an impressive and complex full-body, hands-free motion-sensitive control system.

It dared to ask the question: do we need controllers at all? And even suggested the traditional games controller has long been the barrier to more people becoming gamers.

Sony, whose own PS3 motion controller does actually have, well, a controller – a buttoned device with a glowing sphere at the top – disagree, insisting gamers like to feel something in their hand (I know I do).

And they certainly have a point – Microsoft’s bold vision provides more questions than answers.
But one thing is for sure: the way we look at games controllers is going to change.

3. Nintendo

The best thing I can say about Nintendo’s E3 performance was that it was not as bad as last year’s. Fantastic announcements, like the new Mario, Metroid, Golden Sun DS and Zelda games, could not save it from finishing a distant third in the battle of the big three at E3.

Now, before Nintendo fans stop start having a go, quoting sales figures etc and such, I am only talking about their performance at E3.

And no matter how many time Nintendo fans whooped during their drab press conference at really insignificant moments, it does not cover up the fact the only thing they had to show off – Wii Motion Plus, a small cube that plugs into the bottom of your Wiimote, allowing the controller extra sensitivity – was announced at last year’s event.

What made it particularly annoying is that the speakers failed to even recognise that fact.

Sure, by the looks of the demo they provided on Wii Sports Resort, it will certainly sell.

But where were the announcements for a bigger and better Wii Balance Board and more Wii MotionPlus games?

4. Sony online
Really disappointing E3 from the Sony online team, whose only notable new game, DC Universe, looks a flop.

5.    The weather
I cannot believe it is sunnier in London than in LA. Apparently, the locals call it ‘June gloom’.

Typical. Mind you, still managed to get sunburnt.

6.    LA cab drivers
I thought London and New York cabbies were rude, but these are a breed apart.

The pick of the bunch was a guy who told me to get out, stop being lazy and walk back to my hotel. Now, he had a point. It was a 15-minute walk. But it was raining and I had been on my feet all day. And, besides, what’s it got to do with him.

So I lost my rag and walked home in the rain anyway.

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Yes, for those that saw Spider-Man 3 – he’s the one played by Topher Grace off That 70s Show. He’s the one that should have been one of the best villains in comic movie history, but instead ended up being a complete rush job, thus making one of Spider-Man’s greatest foes actually a big pile of crud.

|Plus he appared to die in the film, so how Sony are going to play this we don’t really know. Time machine? A ‘he’s dead or is he OR IS HE’ angle? Ignoring the film, thus rendering his appearance in the Spider-Man movie worthless? Which it was.

It’ll probably be the third. And we bet Sam Raimi will be happy about that, after being forced to incorporate Venom into his movie in the first place.

Ah, Hollywood.

While it’s not new news that a Venom film is in the pipeline, it has just come about that Sony are pushing for the picture to be released quicksmart. Obviously wanting to ride the wave of popularity created by the successes of both Iron Man and The Dark Knight and seeing that there is, maybe, a place in the mass market for the darker side of comic books, the company have been more or less forced to play their hand.

While a script was already written for the movie, the execs have apparently decided it isn’t up to par and have sent out the word that they’re looking for a new one. The hecklerspray script is on its way, guys! Though we’re sure they’ll pick some no-talent arseclown to pen the bloody thing and it will all go wrong, leaving comic book geeks around the world frothing at the eyeballs.

It’s just that… well… they’ll get it wrong, won’t they? They’ll make Venom into some kind of pansy, or will hamfistedly force in some relatability to the character to try and make the audience sympathise with his plight.

Or they’ll probably make him pink and shoot flower-coated puppies out of his anus as he travels the galaxy bringing happiness and free rainbows to everyone.

Not that we’re cynical or anything – we just can’t see how Sony expect to work it.

Certainly, the popular character’s co-creator, Todd McFarlane thinks they can make it work.

“You don’t want to scare the kids, because the kids love the character,” he said.

“But I think you could add a little bit of a creep factor. I mean, it never bugged me to watch Frankenstein as a kid, so you could have a little bit of it, as long as you have a good story backing it up.”

The Dark Knight is a very dark, depressing film with one of the finest portrayals of a truly twisted mentalist ever seen – but Batman is still a good guy. Iron Man isn’t that dark, and he’s a good guy too. The announced X-Men Origins: Wolverine is sure to tread this same gritty, dark path but – again – Wolverine is a good guy. Conflicted, capable of being a bit maniacal yes – but still a good guy.

Sony will not be able to make major blockbuster work if it’s about a bad guy. The mass-market they so crave just won’t buy into it – they seem to forget that people are idiots. And if the most recent Spider-Man movie was anything to go by, not only will it be a flop, it’ll be shit too.

We’re just saying.