You’ve got to take your hat off to life every now and then. It’s jam-packed with more surprises than a sexual health check after a night with Britney.

Just when you think you’ve got the world sussed to a point where you can put your feet up and relax, that pesky God character whips the carpet from under your feet and, suddenly, from out of nowhere – and we really mean nowhere – Sonia from EastEnders would definitely get it.

“Yeah, whatever, hecklerspray,” we can hear you thinking, “I used to like you but you’re getting weird. What next? An opinion piece on why ‘bestiality’ is underrated? Get out of my face."

It’s OK. We understand. Do not fear. It’s a big step. After all, Sonia is to the hard-on what George Bush is to Iraqi children. But hey, that was yesterday, and today things are different – not for the Iraqi children – but Sonia (life name: Natalie Cassidy) is now, how you say… worth a squirt? The 24-year-old, who in a few months – using a revolutionary technique where you exercise more than you eat – has lost 2 1⁄2 stone and dropped from a size 16 to an 8. She said:

“After playing Sonia in EastEnders for 12 years, I thought it'd be good to change my image. I was 10st 8lb (she's 5ft 4in) when I started this diet, but it was my body mass index that scared me. I wasn't just obese – I was off the scale.”

Back in 2004 her breasts were enlarged from a 36A to a 36D, but because of her weight loss, Natalie is now a 32E and is loving the attention she's getting from the opposite sex (men).

“I know it's shallow, but I do. I get wolf whistled at in the street and I don't turn round because I'm not used to it. I was always bubbly and confident before, but it does make you feel better about yourself. I've become a bit of a fox. I've just started seeing someone. He's lovely. We met on my last job, so it's quite new – and that's all I'm telling.”

Unbelievable. As Bob Dylan once prophesied, "If your time to you is worth savin/ Then you better start swimmin/ Or you'll sink like a stone/ For the times they are a-changin."  

And if by ‘swimming’ he actually meant ‘masturbating’ (which he probably did), then tonight, in that sacred five minutes of alone-time when the wife’s asleep, allow Sonia Jackson to traipse into your world (with or without trumpet – the choice is yours) – and turn it upside down… or else you’ll sink like a stone.

Read more:

Natalie Cassidy: How I lost 2½st – Now