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Song

Hey, Look! It’s the Barack Obama Irish Song

by Matthew Laidlow

During the whole presidential election thing, many people picked up on the small detail that Barack Obama was an African American.

His rival John McCain was not an African American. People claim that some members of the American population would hold this against Mr Obama. Others though would embrace the change and vote for someone who didn’t bang on about a war he was involved in last millennium.

Now, this may have been deliberately kept back from his campaign, but Barack Obama has Irish roots! Granted they are ridiculously diluted with his great-great Grandfather living here, but so what! The UK now has a watered down link with him and it’s all been put in to a song that sounds like it was all improved by a man drunk on Guinness. Enjoy.

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New Will.I.Am Song Makes Everyone Slightly Regret Voting Obama

by Stuart Heritage

Listen, we know a lot of you voted for Barack Obama because you thought it’d stop Will.I.Am from writing crappy songs about him.

But, look, it hasn’t worked. Even though Will.I.Am’s awful habit of roping in celebrities like Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson to perform sappy Hallmark-style songs like Yes We Can and Omigod Obama Just Touched Me (I’m Never Washing My Hand Again LOL!!!1!!) probably put Barack Obama’s chances of becoming president in greater jeopardy than any of that William Ayers stuff, he’s at it again.

Today Will.I.Am debuted his new Obama victory song It’s A New Day on Oprah. It might seem incredibly precient of Will.I.Am to have written and recorded such a song as timely as It’s A New Day so soon after Barack Obama’s historic election win, but it’s really not – he also had another song lined up in case John McCain won. But sadly I Hate You, Stupid Old Man (And Jessica Alba Agrees) will now never see the light of day.

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Bruce Springsteen Dresses Up Like Devil & Has A Lovely Sing-Song

by Stuart Heritage

Bruce Springsteen really loves Halloween – he loves it more than songs with the word ‘born’ in the title and he loves it more than muttering about AIDS.

In fact, Bruce Springsteen loves Halloween so much that he’s decided to dress up as the devil and release a brand new vaguely spooky song entitled A Night With The Jersey Devil on his website for free, just because today happens to be Halloween.

It’s a clever move. And it’s prompted other old rockers to follow – next week Rod Stewart will release a song called Bonfire Night (Of My Heart) on his website, followed by Huey Lewis posting a song called I Give Thanks To You, Baby on November 27 and then Elton John releasing Woo, It’s The International Year Of Astronomy! on January 15, just because he couldn’t wait an extra month and do one for Valentine’s Day, the impatient sod.

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Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer: Somewhat Tediously Back On

by Stuart Heritage

Mayerston? Johnnifer? Jehn Anistayer? Manny Man Maniston? We need to think up a cute compound name fast, because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back on.

That’s right – Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, the celebrity couple that you know nobody cares the slightest sniff about, presumably not even Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, who get shoved into your face around the clock regardless – are back on, with Aniston apparently being the guest of honour at Mayer’s 31st birthday party.

What’s more, John Mayer has apparently written a song about Jennifer Aniston to show his devotion, sealing their romance. The song, entitled Shut Up You Whiny Pinch-Faced Bitch, is due for release next month by the way.

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Womanizer By Britney Spears: She’s Number One! She’s Number One!

by Stuart Heritage

There are all kinds of ways to tell if your comeback has been successful, but Britney Spears has easily just found the best one.

Britney’s big new comeback single Womanizer has jumped 95 places in the American singles chart to reach number one. And you know what they say – when a song that sounds like Professor Stephen Hawking’s faulty voicebox being jumpstarted by a big spluttering clown-car engine gets to number one, you’ve probably been accepted by the general population to some extent.

And now that Womanizer’s number one position is the cherry on Britney Spears’ public rehabilitation cake, it’s time for her to celebrate. How? The same way she always does – by shaving her head, mashing anti-psychotic drugs into her food and trapping her own children in a bathroom until she’s sedated and taken to a mental hospital. Hooray!

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Foo Fighters Get Their Knickers In A Twist Over John McCain

by Stuart Heritage

We’d be honoured to have John McCain use any of of our songs – like Look At My Stubby Little Arms or Eghhh (EGHHH) – in his election campaign.

But sadly John McCain isn’t having any of it. Instead, he’d rather use My Hero by Foo Fighters which – while probably a better election song that Eghhh (EGHHH) because it doesn’t have a seven-minute death-jazz intermission played on a contraceptive diaphragm – has annoyed Foo Fighters no end.

John McCain’s use of My Hero has enraged Foo Fighters so much that they’ve launched a furious rock n roll riposte – they’ve written a really bloody strongly worded letter about it. In fact, Foo Fighters have really laid the law down – if John McCain plays My Hero one more time, they’re going to call the flipping council about it or something. Just you watch them!

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Paris Hilton Releases Song About Her BFF, Presumably Herself

by Stuart Heritage

Remember a while ago when Paris Hilton decided to become a singer and released that album and it sold 500 million copies and made Paris Hilton a megastar?

Yeah, us too. That was great. We especially liked it when the government of Uganda became so obsessed with the Paris Hilton album that it scrapped its own national anthem in favour of Stars Are Blind, Nothing In This World and Screwed played all the way through six times each.

Oh, wait, no, none of that happened, did it? That’s because the Paris Hilton album was an abject failure that turned Paris into an international laughing stock. Still, at least Paris Hilton managed to scrape together her remaining credibility afterwards, never to return to that debac… what? Paris Hilton is releasing another song? And she’s named it after her new TV show? Oh. Good.

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New Guns N’ Roses Song To Significantly Lessen Sales Of Rock Band 2

by Shawn Lindseth

Making an entire music album seems like it’d be pretty tough. Not only do you have to make sure the drums are synchronised just right with the rhythm guitar, but you have to keep firing your entire band every time one of them plays a note that will make your brand-new 14-year-old album less than [...]

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Celebrities That Care: What More Can I Give Video

by Stuart Heritage

Over the last few days, what with Celine Dion ploughing through 6.5 million gallons of water in a year and Sharon Stone blaming the Chinese earthquake on karma, we’ve thought a lot about how much celebrities care.

And they care a lot. Celebrities, because they are celebrities, feel suffering much more strongly than anyone else. And there’s only one outlet for this profound level of caring – the all-star charity song. We all know the big ones – like We Are The World and Do They Know It’s Christmas – but there are plenty of other less well-known ones out there as well.

Like What More Can I Give by Michael Jackson And Friends, a song written about South Africa, recorded after 9/11 and never properly released because its video was apparently shot by a director of gay porn. Anastacia, Nick Carter, Usher, Ricky Martin, ‘N Sync, Hanson – they all appear on What More Can I Give, though we’d expect none of them would want to discuss it if you asked them about it now.

Why? Try and watch What More Can I Give all the way to the end and you’ll see why. It’s hard, we know – you’ll suffer through more fist-pumping oversincerity than you can possibly imagine – but it’s absolutely worth it, just to see the bit where Usher and Celine Dion give heartfelt spoken-word messages. Not about 9/11, you understand. About Michael Jackson. Incredible.

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Listen To The Best Rap Song In The World, Ever.

by Matthew Laidlow

We’re not dictators, and we don’t try to alter people’s view that much. If we told children that the tooth fairy/Easter bunny/Ronald McDonald/ Santa wasn’t real, it would make us real twats.

But sometimes, opening peoples’ eye to change is a good thing. For example, many people believe that rap is just full of rhymes about shooting up gangs in your rival hood, popping open bottles of ridiculously-priced champagne and mouthing off about your goodlooking lady friend.

Sometimes however, changing beliefs is good. Like a deranged Christian preacher, we urge you to dig some hot poetic geography. Yes, that’s right. Geography.

Whilst skiving off from work, we came across this brilliant animated nugget from the sometimes good, but mostly bad Animaniacs. The nations of the world may not sound that interesting of a topic compared to some bloke telling us how wealthy he is. But this handy little rap from Yakko makes us wish we’d studied harder in school and not drawn pictures of tits in our exercise books constantly.

Now we can’t humming along to this excellent track that somebody really put some effort into. Now the usual rap song that consists of rhyming guns and fun seems insignificant to that of an animated children’s character. Respect!

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