Song - HecklerSpray

Badvertising: Is The Lynx 2012 Man The Unluckiest On Earth?

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Omens. Omens are what alarmingly superstitious people look for as they bounce eagerly from bad situation to bad situation. People who believe the old hokum about black cats and ladders invariably lay traps for themselves, only to be surprised when they fall into them, screaming in metaphorical agony. These are the people that don’t make jokes about Friday The 13th because they’re too busy wrapping themselves up in bubble wrap to protect them from the oncoming apocalypse of minor misfortune.

These people need us- the non-believers- to show them how good life can be away from omens, faeries, bad luck and fishwives’ tales. They need us to lampoon and mock the beliefs that they hold as fervently as an evangelical Christian holds onto a fading belief in a benevolent creator. We need to be out there, dancing jigs under ladders, crossing swords with black cats and breaking mirrors over the heads of Arch-Bishops.

We need to show people that you make your own luck and believing in omens and superstition will only lead you to dash yourself against the rocks of life! Unless they’re right of course. In which case, those of you who just threw your mobile phones at a mirror on my command might be in for a bit of a tough time.

Badvertising: Man Has Inappropriate Relationship With McDonalds Burger

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

There’s nothing better than the smell of a burger chargrilling over an open flame. That is, unless you’re vegetarian or can’t eat pork for religious reasons. Maybe you don’t like burgers. Okay, so there are several things that are- in reality- better than the smell of a burger chargrilling over an open flame but we can assure you of one thing, a fast food burger is not one of them.

It’s not for us to tell you the problems with fast food and to preach to you like grimy facsimiles of Nigel Slater would be hypocritical. We’ve all been drunk, hungry, in desperate need of an escape from the rain that we’ve been in one of the American burger giants- there’s no denying it. Find us someone who’s never been over the door and we’ll point and gawp in sheer amazement.

Cher Lloyd Makes Instantly Forgettable But Inevitable No.1 Called ‘With Ur Love’

October 11th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

After ‘Swagger Jagger’ saw release, everyone with ears hooted in derision. Cher Lloyd was the latest in a long line of pop stars showcasing the fact that, we as a species, have finally run dry of melodies.

However, against all the odds, flying in the face of decency, the track went to number one, making Crosby Stills & Nash fans cry into their morning hemp flakes.

And now Cher Lloyd is going to do it all over again with a song called ‘With Ur Love’. Sadly, the ‘Ur’ doesn’t stand of Underground Resistance. Jarring promotional video is over the jump.

Cher Lloyd Wishes Tulisa Had Mentored Her Instead Of Cheryl Cole Who She Hates

September 22nd, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

The hype that surrounds X Factor 2011 is starting to finally quieten down. Unless you live Stateside, in which case, we apologise.

We've endured the taunts and teases about which judges would step in for Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole, Kylie Minogue?s sister. Louis Walsh?s alleged nightclub incident could’ve seen him judging from the cells. The appointments of Tulisa and Gary Barlow made vague sense, but Kelly Rowland? She was basically the backing vocalist to Beyonce in Destiny?s Child.

Because the human race is full of bitter and twisted people, the majority of folk watching X Factor only bother with the audition stages. Here, we can prejudge people based on their appearance, clothing and back story. The judges have passed their verdict on thousands of hopefuls and now it's off to boot camp. Last year, Cher Lloyd found herself there and paired with Cheryl Cole. She might have been grateful for Cheryl?s guidance then, but times have changed. Cher would have preferred Tulisa from N-Dubz guiding her. Get your claws out.

Badvertising: Why Not Buy This Car? It’s Hideous But We Think You’ll Like That.

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Cars. Automobiles. Vehicles. Things with engines. On four wheels (sometimes three) that often get covered in ice during winter and, if you get leather seats, are too hot to sit in during the summer. Yes, our four wheeled friends are so much a part of our everyday life that it takes the release of Disney Pixar’s ‘Cars’ to actually make us consider the fact that cars might have feelings too.

Which they don’t.

And that’s a good thing because if certain cars had feelings they would almost certainly see themselves as hideous, nutrient-guzzling windbags with no friends either on the road or in the driveway. It would likely drive them to self harm, presumably by slashing their own tires while sitting in a puddle. Who knows? It’s rarely a good idea to personify inanimate objects too far as they are likely to take on a terrifying edge the next time you clamber into one to pop down to the shops.

Cher Lloyd Hates People With Opinions. Except Example.

July 12th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

Last week our editor Mof made us all listen to Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger‘ causing a mixture of great sadness, violent outbursts?and?uncontrollable bleeding throughout the hecklerspray bedsit. ?Not a pretty sight.

So you can imagine our horror when we found out that another video has surfaced where she’s still attempting to convince us all she’s a really brilliant pop star by letting noises fall out of her mouth again while some poor fella is forced (paid) to play the guitar beside her in black and white.

We’ll let you be the judge of her new single ‘Superhero’ below but it seems that Cher cannot take any form of?criticism?whatsoever and is determined to answer critics on Twitter personally in some brattish attempt to get the last word.

Decoded: Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger’ Forces Pop Down Your Ear

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Cher Lloyd can’t do a thing right. We suspect it isn’t actually anything to do with her, rather, the machinery that surrounds her. Every single move made by the financiers seems to be one clanging mistake after another.

And so, painted into a corner with a neon sign flashing over her head saying ‘Unlikeable’, Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger’ video gets its premiere… and everyone hates it.

When we started writing this article, more YouTubers ?disliked? it than rated it. And of course, like all pop releases of note, we’re on-hand to dissect it with the cruelty scalpel.

Cee Lo Green Isn’t A Homophobe- Except When He’s Being Homophobic

June 20th, 2011 By Michael Park

Here at hecklerspray, we know a good pie when we see one and our love of their consumption is legendary the world over. However, our combined level of the consumption of the humble steak and kidney can be rapidly outstripped by human food vacuum?Cee Lo Green.

You might remember Cee Lo from that piss awful ‘Forget You’ number that was redone from being ‘F**k You’ in order to get more radio play and completely destroying what little artistic credibility he had based on his time as part of Gnarls Barkley. More recently, you might have heard that he’s not a big fan of the gays.

The famed cake enthusiast has explained his?recent comments to music critic Andrea Swensson that were perceived as being homophobic.?The rotund Elton John tribute act sent a Twitter message to Swensson on Friday, in response to a negative review of his recent Minneapolis performance, questioning whether she had been offended by his masculinity due to her sexuality. She’s a lesbian you see which means that she’s bound to be terrified of things with penises.

Rihanna Causes Expected Controversy By Killing A Rapist

June 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Will someone have a word with Rihanna please? She’s been really good fun to have around, making a buncha delightfully dumb pop records and generally being pleasing on the eye. The perfect modern pop star in many respects.

However, she’s in danger of becoming very, very tiring very, very quickly because she’s now set her sights on constantly trying to shock us all. It all reeks of trying too hard, which is strange because she’s already done the hard work and really doesn’t need to. It feels like she’s pushing the wrong envelope.

And her latest video is causing more tiring outrage and, instead of being a hoot, she’s going to have to defend herself after she killed a rapist in a promo video for her latest single, Man Down.

Bee Gees And Michael Jackson Collaboration Video Leaked (Everyone Looks Odd)

May 25th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The combined musical genius of the Bee Gees and Michael Jackson cannot be disputed. Hell, it can barely be comprehended! Between the two acts is a dazzling amount of sales and a breathtaking back catalogue.

However, what also can’t be disputed is that both camps contain some of the weirdest faces in pop. Michael, of course, looks like wax ankle and in Barry Gibb, we have a man who looks like a griffin with dentures.

And the two actually teamed up. Of course, it wasn’t that long ago which means neither act was at the peak of their powers, but still, the thought of it is rather exciting! And better yet, there’s a video clip of them in action together.