It’s a predicament we’ve all faced, really.

You bring a newly-cremated loved one home and open up the urn, only to have some of the ashes spew onto the table. Dang it all. Now you have to go to the trouble of carefully sweeping the ashy vestiges of your great granny back in there using your pinky. Unless you’re Keith Richards. If you’re Keith Richards you daub up those ashes on your pinky and stick it up your nose hole and snort like you’ve never snorted before.

For reals this time, guys. This time he says he really did it for reals.

About a year ago, Keith Richards, aging/old/defying-the-laws-of-drug-usage-to-still-alive rocker from The Rolling Stones, revealed in an interview with NME that he mixed up a little delightful blow comprised of cocaine and some of his daddy Bert’s ashes and had himself a lovely snort. Despite the fact that there really is not a whole lot Keith Richards can do to shock even an ardently religious woman who teaches Sunday school and showers fully clothed, the whole dad-snorting thing was a bit shocking.

It was also a bit false. Right after the disgusting twistedness of somebody ingesting another human being – other than for purely cannibalistic purposes, which we fully support – was revealed, Keith Richards said the whole thing was just a bit of tomfoolery:

“The truth of the matter is that I planted a sturdy English Oak. I took the lid off the box of ashes, and he is now growing oak trees and would love me for it!!!”

Okay, okay, but NOW Keith Richards is saying he really DID do it. In addition to the long list of non-drugs he’s likely sniffed – baking powder, gardenia scented body talc, detergent, Pixie Stix, golf balls (unsuccessfully) – Keith Richards says he did take a snort of Bertie-boy, just not with cocaine. Look here at what he told Blender magazine:

“I looked at my dad’s ashes down there and – what am I gonna do? “Do I desecrate them with a dustbin and broom? So I wet me [sic] finger and I shoved a little bit of Dad up me [sic] hooter. The rest of them I put round an oak tree, which is coming up a treat. And I’m sure he’s still blessing me.”

Hear that? One man’s hooter is another man’s nostril. Good thing the Hooters restaurant chain wasn’t started by Keith Richards. It would have quite a different image, now wouldn’t it.

But, hey, Keith Richards snorting weird stuff isn’t always negative. There was that one time we heard he tried to snort Mick Jagger. It caused quite a rift amongst the band for a while, but ended up leading to one of their most influential songs in music history, (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction from Snorting Mick Jagger. Thus, we fully support whatever Keith Richards wants to snort for the sake of the music.

Except for drugs. Drugs are bad. Stay in school.

Read more:

Keith Richards: I DID Snort My Dad’s Ashes - Huffington Post