Lana Del Rey has had her whole adult life and creative outlets bankrolled by her insanely wealthy father and, at various points nearly gave it all up because she had to actually work a little to get anywhere. However, thickos on the internet came to the rescue and made her an overnight sensation!
Things were all going to (a carefully executed by a PR company) plan as she readied her new album! She was going to become a superstar! The golden goose had actually delivered!
The key cog would be a performance on Saturday Night Live! Lana would sing, everyone would swoon and rush out to buy her album, learn all the hackneyed lyrics and eagerly await the tour announcement. She opened her mouth to her largest audience yet and… oh dear… she ended up sounding like a cow in labour. The plan was ruined.
Read More >>>
Lana Del Rey hasn’t even got her debut LP out and yet, somehow, the backlash has already begun! We say ‘somehow’; we know exactly why it has started – she makes really awful music and she’s obviously getting very famous because she’s easy on the eye.
Naturally, that’s not a new criticism against pop-music, but who cares? If Lana Del Rey can rely on the same tired cliches of the alt.pop of yore, then we can certainly chide it for the same old boring reasons.
And oddly, we’re not the only ones who think that Del Rey has a whiff of Emperor’s New Clothes about her. The Also Makes Lousy Music actress, Juliette Lewis, has criticised Lana Del Rey’s performance on Saturday Night Live.
Read More >>>
Mila Kunis clearly doesn’t think much of herself. Her self esteem is so obviously low that even we, the troglodytes of the ‘spray hovel, can feel completely superior to her. That said, she did spend a bit of time between Natalie Portman’s legs in Black Swan, whereas we have to make do with photocopies of her face with a hole poked in the mouth.
That said, Kunis used to willingly have sex with Macaulay Culkin and even we’re not that depressed and lonely.
Where we sync up is accepting sexual advances from weirdos on the internet. Jaded writers relying on the kindness of strangers is no big news, but a successful actress with a nice face? Yep. It’s true. Mila has agreed to go on a date with a US Marine sergeant who asked her out for a date on YouTube.
Read More >>>
Justin Timberlake brought sexy back, and then promptly stopped making records because there’s more money in the movies. Seeing as we don’t have a proper male pop-superstar, we can blame JT for Justin bloody Bieber.
And Mila Kunis is the woman who indulged in some lavendering with Natalie Portman in Black Swan, which will keep most of you in mucky thoughts for a lifetime.
Both of these attractive humans appear in a film called Friends With Benefits and for the most part, they’re both naked in it. Two attractive people with no clothes on. What a nice image to have in your head, which will slowly erode your sense of worth because you begin to feel more ugly with each vinegar stroke.
Read More >>>
Hey ladies and homosexual men! How many times have you imagined having some kind of sexual activity with Justin Timberlake? Sadly for you, he’s never even considered you as a conquest because you’re as ugly as a barrel of rubber Brian Sewell masks. Sorry.
No, our Justin is linked with the world’s most beautiful women, all of whom are lucky enough to be in with a shout of seeing exactly what makes up Justin’s ‘triple threat’ (stuff to do with kissing boobs, bits and bum no doubt, the mucky bugger).
However, one person who isn’t flashing her under carriage at JT is Olivia Wilde who you’ll know as being that woman from Tron or something.
Read More >>>
Remember when Justin Timberlake made records? That was fun wasn’t it? He came along and gave us the tunes Michael Jackson was too chicken to chance his arm on and generally revived everyone’s hopes for a decent male popstar.
Then, after a few decent spots on Saturday Night Live, he beggared off and started making films, leaving us to suffer Justin Bieber and… well… there’s no other famous male singers. Thanks Timberlake, you inconsiderate swine.
And thanks to being a genuine triple-threat, Timberlake is not exactly short of female admirers (and male admirers no doubt). So, Justin is in the enviable position of being able to ditch Jessica Biel in favour of Mila Kunis. His life must be awful, eh?
Read More >>>
Saturday Night Live has been responsible for a barrage of chuckleheads over the years. But for every success there’s been a failure as miserable as a thousand Night at the Roxbury’s.
Will Ferrell, Bill Murray, Mike Myers and Tina Fey all went on to bigger and better things, while Dana Carvey, Jon Lovitz and Chris Kattan all slipped down the toilet bowel of obscurity.
Will Forte is riding the periphery, neither hitting mainstream success but rearing his gurning head in multiple roles in television and film. Now, like Myers and Ferrell, he has graduated to the big screen with one of his skits, MacGruber, a pastiche on a TV show nobody cares or remembers.
Read More >>>
Minor illnesses are being massively under-represented at the moment, so let's all thank Jesus right now that Janet Jackson is doing something about it.
You see, Janet Jackson was supposed to be performing on Saturday Night Live this week but she's dropped out because she's got the sniffles. Or, as she likes to call it, 'the flu'.
A fairly serious bout of flu nonetheless, because Janet Jackson wound up in hospital because of it, but on the bright side at least by pulling out of SNL Janet Jackson has stopped an audience of millions from catching whatever degenerative brain disease you get when you're forced to watch a fortysomething woman repeatedly try to convince you of how sexy she is to a backing of tinpot R&B fluff.
Read More >>>
