Be honest – when you heard that The Smurfs was going to be remade into a movie, a tiny part of you died.

Well, there was no need. Further details about the Smurfs movie have emerged, and it looks like it’ll be a masterpiece. The Smurfs will take the gritty realism of The Dark Knight and pair it with the knowing pizazz of Iron Man, while painstakingly staying true to the Smurf canon to keep the purists sated.

What makes us so certain? Simple, because the director of Beverly Hills Chihuahua is directing The Smurfs movie. Beverly Hills Chihuahua! Squeeee!

We want you to do something for us. We want you to make a list of all of your favourite films. Done it? Good. Now, unless you’re a total bellend who hates life, that list will definitely include Big Momma’s House. Right? And Scooby-Doo. And Home Alone 3. And Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. And Never Been Kissed. And Beverly Hills Chihuahua. OF COURSE Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

And what do all of these epic, masterful, emotion-packed blockbusters have in common? Raja Gosnell, that’s what. He directed all of those movies. There’s probably a giant commemorative statue of him somewhere saluting his work. And if there isn’t, there deserves to be. If you want a movie starring a talking dog, a second-rate Macaulay Culkin rip-off, or an unfunny black comedian dressed up as an elderly obese woman, Raja Gosnell is your man.

And so it fills us with absolute relief to be able to announce that Raja Gosnell is going to the man who’ll helm the forthcoming movie adaptation of The Smurfs. Only a man with Raja Gosnell’s dedication, critical adoration and, yes, godlike ability to weave magic out of celluloid would have been able to steer this Smurfy ship away from disaster. Reuters reports:

Raja Gosnell has signed on to direct “Smurfs,” a live action/animated movie starring the popular small blue characters created by Belgian cartoonist Peyo. The plot of “Smurfs” is being kept under wraps, but the story is expected to feature well-loved characters such as Papa Smurf, Smurfette and the villainous Gargamel. The film will be released in 3-D and 2-D formats on December 17, 2010.

But wait, Raja Gosnell is only the icing on a monstrous cake of blazing talent here. The script for The Smurfs is being written by J. David Stem, David N. Weiss and Audrey Wells, the powerhouse scribes behind that George Of The Jungle film you forgot existed and the two least-good Shrek movies. Better yet, The Smurfs is being produced by record-breaking Charlotte’s Web producer Jordan Kerner. Now, true, the record that Charlotte’s Web broke was for the most disappointing movie adaptation of a book you loved as a child, but a record’s a record. The Smurfs movie is going to RULE!

Now all that’s left to do is wait to hear which live-action stars will sign up to play alongside the photo-realistic, cutting-edge animated Smurfs in the movie. Please please PLEASE let one of them be Jennifer Love Hewitt! She’s exactly the sort of highbrow, artistically magnificent thespian that the Smurfs movie demands!

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!