Articles tagged with: Smoking
One of the worst things about smoking - and this is true - is that it really impedes one's ability to chase down strangers with chainsaws and brutally murder them. And this is a problem. So much so, in fact, that the European Commission has put together a video that specifically promotes an anti-smoking lifestyle to maximise the lung capacity of chainsaw-killers in regard to pursuits. We're not making this up. There's even a little squadron of anti-smoking mascots to help the murderers along. One of them looks like an amputated testicle. Again, not making this up. See for yourself after the jump...
Hey, guess what! Will Young has a new album coming out. How do we know this? The Pop Idol winner has been thankfully away from our TVs and radio for a good healthy period of time. But now he’s back making all sorts of grand pronouncements. Bum. When popstars aren’t around to annoy us, no-one gives a toss about them. But when albums are released, quotes from press interviews are suddenly given massive importance. Erm… just like we’re doing right now. Bum. You see, Will Young's decided to come out (not literally - we’ve had a hunch for a while) with a random statement about one of the main loves in his life – the good old cigarette.
Yesterday Shia LaBeouf was a fugitive on the run from the law, like Harrison Ford in that film Working Girl.
Not today, though - today Shia LaBeouf has faced his crimes like a man, like Harrison Ford in that film The Fugitive. Well, not 'faced his crimes' exactly - Shia LaBeouf has pleaded not guilty to the awful accusation that he smoked on a pavement once.
But at least Shia LaBeouf actually got around to entering a plea this time - up until that point he had an arrest warrant on his head for not tuning up to court at all. It's a stern lesson to all that you can't run from the law, no matter how adorably boyish your iddle widdle puppy dumpling cheeks are.
It's a good job that Shia LaBeouf has a face so adorable that it looks as if it's been pieced together with moonbeams and kitten-fluff.
That's because Shia LaBeouf is just about the crummiest law-breaker that the world has ever seen. After his recent arrest for standing a pharmacy for too long, Shia LaBeouf has now got in trouble for smoking cigarettes as well.
Worse still, Shia LaBeouf now has an arrest warrant on his head after skipping his smoking-based court appearance, something which stands to jeopardise his next fiendishly evil ruse - scrumping apples from Old Man McGee's orchard to bake and sell a selection of delicious yet unlawful pies from his mother's drive.
Life used to be so much simpler than it is now.
Take raising children, for one. We have fond memories of when parents would pack us into the back of the station wagon for 12-hour road trips to Nana’s house like a bunch wild animals hopped up on generic soda and Cheeze-Its. Nowadays you have to secure the little tykes into properly installed safety seats and can’t strap one to the luggage rack when they keep counting the bottles of beer on the wall and just… won’t… SHUT UP.
And whatever happened to the good old days when a six-month-pregnant woman who has surrendered all self-restraint to the nicotine gods and habitually smoke in peace? Maybe Nicole Richie knows, because she was spotted smoking a few ciggies in a scenario very similar to this one.
Or maybe she wasn’t. It could have just been a rumour. That’s what Nicole Richie is saying, anyway.
