She did manage to escape to the other side of the US ‘to be in a Broadway show’, as the official story put it – we know that was just a cover, and we urged Katie to run for her Creeking life. But it would seem her cover of ‘I have a job over there’ didn’t hold water with hubby Tom Cruise, and the fat bald one from Tropic Thunder has re-stamped his authority on Katie Holmes.

We tried to save her, we really did, but for some people there’s just no way around it. She’s consigned herself to a lifetime of being lead around by a dwarf, as she allowed the Cruiser to fly all the way across the country just to walk her to work.

Why didn’t you run, Katie? Why?

Aside from the initial escape to New York City, Holmes got all of our hopes up by not turning up at the Scientology Celebrity Centre’s 39th Anniversary Gala in a move of what looked to be defiance. This turned out to be a letdown, as she then went on to walk arm in arm with Cruise at the premiere of Tropic Thunder, thus quashing our hopes that she was hiding from the tiny Sleeper-Scientology man.

Maybe she still is – maybe she sent a robot out to pose with him. It’s not like she needs it to look as if it has life behind those robo-eyes now, is it? Katie Holmes doesn’t exactly forge herself a career of public appearances looking happy and alive – more fearful and machine-like. In fact, we’ve just figured it out, right this very second: she’s a robot! We, hecklerspray, are excellent detectives.

But the plan seems to have backfired, and the Katiebot was such a perfect copy that Tom Cruise now feels the need to follow it all over the country, thus putting the real Katie Holmes‘ hiding place in jeopardy. You should have run away when we told you to – really, you should.

While walking robo-Katie to ‘work’, as she called it, Cruise was apparently accosted by some builders. While the official story is that they tried to ask for autographs, we find that hard to believe. Nevertheless, OK! magazine reported:

“Some construction workers asked for a picture, but Tom politely said, ‘Sorry guys, I can’t stop. I’m walking my wife to work. She’s got rehearsals to get to.’”

Rehearsals – or a recharge point?!

Maybe we have stretched the analogy/accusation a little bit too far now, but the fact remains that Katie Holmes – robot or no – failed to escape from Tom Cruise properly. She had the chance to leg it and she failed, allowing Tom to take a late night flight across the country to walk her to work/make sure she isn’t walking around wearing a sandwich board that says ‘Scientology Is For Tiny Idiots’.

She’s losing the game, frankly.

First he stopped jumping around like a particularly stupid chimp, he stopped going on about Scientology in public – though he did see some of his private video collection released, much to the delight/terror (delete as appropriate) of the general public – and he’s seeing some rave reviews flying about for his small role in Tropic Thunder. So what next?

Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? Star in a superhero film, and get someone like Sam Raimi on board to produce. Which is, apparently, what’s being pushed for by Tom Cruise and Warner Bros, who own the rights to Sleeper – a short running comic book series from a few years back. Well, Raimi’s already on board, but you get the point.

And you can’t fault the man’s logic.

The rumoured decision happily fits in with our theory that Hollywood is physically incapable of having an original thought, ever, ever, ever. It also fits in with the current logic that if you make a film of a comic book it will make a lot of geeks wet with anticipation, thus creating millions upon millions of dollars to line the executive’s pockets with. And we all know how much they love money over there in movieland.

Valuing cash over creativity, honesty or integrity? Say it ain’t so! Ahem.

It appears, if reports are to be believed, that the latest in the line of films the studios hope will emulate the success of Spider-Man 3 and The Dark Knight is an adaptation of Sleeper – a limited series that ran from 2003-05 from the Wildstorm Universe and written by Ed Brubaker, whose writing credits include some work on X-Men and Captain America comics, amongst many others.

It does strike us that such a smalltime comic wouldn’t be the best of the potential earners out there for the studios and actors, but hey ho – it’s their money to waste and, who knows, they might get it right.

They won’t. But, you know – we are the bastions of truth, glory and optimism in the world of the internet. Wait, what? We’re not? Ah crap, Stu isn’t going to be happy…

The connection of Tom Cruise with the project has come about through the usual web of lies/rumours that prop up countless websites across the world, though it did originate at somewhere half-decent in the shape of The Hollywood Reporter, meaning we can leave it to them to explain the finer points:

Written by Ed Brubaker with art by Sean Phillips, “Sleeper,” which ran from 2003-05, centers on an operative whose fusion with an alien artifact makes him impervious to pain and allows him to pass it on to others through skin contact. He is placed undercover in a villainous organization by an intelligence agency and falls for a member of the group, named Miss Misery.

Which sounds absolutely ideal for some big names to get attached to, a plethora of nerds to claim they read the book when it first came out (even though they picked it up off eBay on hearing the news a film was in the making) and a film to come out and get critically panned, while earning a small amount of cash.

You heard it here first.

We should also point out: superpowers afforded by the film adaptation still won’t allow Tom Cruise to keep pizzas warm using magic. Just thought we should point that out yet again.

And – while there's nothing worse than people who label anything slightly intellectual or artistic as 'pretentious' - we can't help but side with the naysayers on this one and shake our heads like that bewildered Grandma watching 2 Girls 1 Cup on YouTube.

Held in new 'city of culture' Liverpool – kind of like renaming Dachau 'smilesville' – Monday night's Turner Prize was the 23rd in a long line of such controversial get-togethers. Named after the painter J.M.V Turner – an arguable pioneer of the Impressionist aesthetic – the gong generally seems to be given to whatever a local panel of sixth-formers would think would offend their parents the most.

This year? It's been won by a man dressing as a bear.

Artist Mark Wallinger submitted a video work which consisted of him putting on the grizzly outfit and wandering around Berlin's Neue Nationalgalerie for 10 nights in a row. The judges justified their decision by hailing the piece as genius, stating that:

"In this meditative yet disquieting work, notions of national memory and allegory converge to continue Wallinger's examination of the themes of identity and representation."

Yes. Quite. On the same subject, the panel really should go out and pick up a copy of Trigger Happy TV on DVD – Dom Joly's scintillating critique of the dichotomy between urban architecture and the underlying yet unseen presence of the natural world. Or a man putting on a giant bunny outfit. However you want to see it.

Christ – just don't let them ever see Rentaghost. They'd probably think Da Vinci had returned or something.

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Turner Prize Gies To Mark Wallinger -Yahoo