The sunkissed ‘do and proud snout is still in place, but according to Globe magazine, six-foot Manilow’s weight has plummeted to seven stone.

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This is because Megan Fox clearly isn’t fat enough. Boys only like girls if they’ve got wads of back fat you could lose your fist in and a chin that’s barely visible under the rolls of sweaty neck-lard. There’s nothing more arousing than a girl having a chronic wheezing fit because she’s had to run 10 metres for a bus, right boys?

That’s what Michael Bay thinks, anyway. Now that Transformers 2 is under way, Bay has decided that Megan Fox is far too skinny and that she needs to be 10 pounds heavier. Nobody really knows why, but he’s probably just worried that Megan Fox is so skinny that she’ll buckle and snap under the weight of all Transformer 2’s obvious crappiness.

We’ve never been able to trust Megan Fox, and it’s probably because we’re convinced that she’s an android sent from the future to destroy humanity by getting all its male teenagers to wank themselves into oblivion.

Because Megan Fox is just a little too perfect, isn’t she. Her eyebrows look just a little too tweaked, her lips a little too pouty. She’s only capable of speaking in occasional sex-based soundbites designed explicitly to send 14-year-old boys scampering to their bedroom clutching reams of tissue paper. Her surname is Fox, for crying out loud. In short, Megan Fox is all style and no substance.

Which is probably why Michael Bay likes her so much, then. As a man who judges how good an actress is by the way the sunshine hits her cleavage when she’s been oiled up and shoved into the desert and asked to chop down cacti in slow motion to the sound of Linkin Park, Michael Bay knows that Megan Fox is the best he will ever get.

Except she isn’t, because she obviously doesn’t eat enough food. Michael Bay has ordered Megan Fox to get fatter for Transformers 2, presumably because he doesn’t want her breasts to be upstaged by Shia LaBeouf’s big old man-titties. MTV reports:

Fox recently slimmed down for her role in the upcoming film Jennifer’s Body. The 22-year-old star told Fox News, “I’d lost a lot of weight and I got really scrawny, but I was told I had to put on a size for Transformers because Michael doesn’t like skinny girls.”

Full credit to Michael Bay here – he knows what he wants, and if he’d wanted a scrawny actress with a fat mouth who can’t act, he’d have cast Mick Jagger instead.

Besides, it’s completely vital that Megan Fox has her boobs and arse back to full working order by the time Transformers 2 starts shooting because, god knows, anything that can distract our attention away from all the giant incontinent robots shouting offensive ebonics at each other will be a flipping godsend.