Sinitta - HecklerSpray

Simon Cowell is Your God and Saviour

September 4th, 2012 By Chris Starr

?(1 Timothy 2:1-4 ) First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

Sounds about right. Why else do you think thousands upon thousands of people line up in supplication every year to perform in front of your God and Saviour, Simon Cowell? What else is the X-Factor, or Britain or America’s Got Talent, if not a way to please the sight of God our Saviour?

Sinitta Worries About Cowell’s Intruder (While Thinking She’s The Only Person Who Should Be Breaking In And Acting Weird)

March 28th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Sinitta wants Simon Cowell to move house after an intruder was found in his wardrobe covered in blood. Sinitta probably thought she was the only person who was allowed to be found hiding in his house, acting like a lunatic.

The leaf-wearing maniac dated Simon in the ’80s and has remained his close friend ever since, mainly by sheer persistence.

She’s now very worried for Cowell and thinks he’s not safe where he lives and wants him to get the blue hell outta there. She also thinks it’s all about her. No, seriously.

Sinitta Quits “I’m A Celebrity” Before She Even Gets As Far As The Airport

November 9th, 2011 By Michael Park

Former singer and current one-hit-wonder masquerading as a musical intellectual, Sinitta, has never been lauded for her intelligence or even for her musical talent but her latest move, “sensationally” quitting the ITV anus-fest “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!” before she even got as far as the airport.

According to sources, Sinitta was under the impression that the show was a massive hoax, put out by profligate executives who are willing to pay not only the wages of Geordie mafia boys Ant n’ Dec but also fork out for a luxury hotel for the stars to live in while they’re not being filmed.

Silly Sinitta.

X Factor Week 7, Part 1 – The One With All The Postmodernism At The Judges Houses

August 5th, 2012 By Sophie Hall

Good weekend, was it? Had some enjoyable sandwich fillings and simulated some erogenous zones, did you? Yeah. Yeah. Us neither.

Never mind, because The X Factor was on too, and if that wasn?t amazing enough it was a 2 hour special Judges Houses special as part of a special exclusive double X Factor weekend special. Which is pretty, amazingly special when you think about it.

But, that's the X Factor for you. Always fulfilling our dreams, always making Pinnochio look lacklustre. So what was in store? As if you didn't know. As if you didn't Sky Plus it at your X Factor party with custom made flags. Actually, that sounds like a pretty wild night, you probably do need reminding. All those Pringle cans to clean up and all that psychological torment. We?ll sort you out. Come here. It'll stop bleeding eventually, we promise.

Sinitta Wants Louis Walsh Fired So She Can Have His Job On X Factor

August 31st, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Sinitta. What exactly is she? She had a couple of rubbish singles in the ’80s and… well… apart from doing a bit of dancing and letting Simon Cowell stick his penis in her years ago, she’s just a thing to take up valuable space on this Earth.

That doesn’t stop her from reappearing in the field of vision though, very much like a big spot on your eyelid. And now she’s shouting loudly so that people will listen, in the futile hope she’ll go away and be quiet in a corner somewhere.

After making a nation puke with her bikini made from leaves, she’s back throwing her oar in by calling for Louis Walsh to be sacked from The X Factor judging panel.

Dancing On Ice 2010?s Bunch Of Misfit Celebrities Revealed

August 5th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Reality shows have often confused and left us scratching our heads as to what they’re about.

Big Brother isn't about siblings. Strictly Come Dancing sounds like some sort of torturous experience. And A Shot Of Love With Tila Tequila? That could literally be anything if you've got a filthy enough mind.

What is plain, simple and to the point is Dancing On Ice. It literally does what it says on the tin. Some people will attempt to skate on some ice whilst falling over for our amusement. But they aren't just any people – they’re celebrities! Therefore it adds immediate coolness. Because we wouldn't watch if it was a family from Stoke battling against one from Coventry. After the jump, the personalities who?ll be breaking their arms on the ice when the show returns in January.