Articles tagged with: Single
All women love George Clooney. All of them. There's just something about that smug, grey-haired old bugger that make the ladies swoon. And, ladies, here's some good news - George Clooney is single again. If reports are to be believed, George Clooney has split up with his girlfriend Sarah Larson after a year together. That's right, the world has a brand new unattainably handsome and charming millionaire for you to beat yourself up over because deep down you know he wouldn't give you a second glance in a crowded room even if you spent 15 hours making yourself look pretty. Girls, George Clooney is as good as yours! Maybe you won't always be single and lonely after all!
Well, OK, that's a misleading headline - Chanelle certainly realises that nobody cares about her any more. On Sunday it was revealed that former Big Brother housemate Chanelle Hayes' attempts to become a pop star had died a death, with her new single I Want It limping into the charts at 63. However, while most people have reacted to this news in the correct way - with a disinterested shrug - Chanelle's Big Brother ex-boyfriend Ziggy Zichman has publicly called her efforts 'laughable.' Ziggy, of course, is an expert on the music industry because he was in Northern Line and their last single got all the way to number 27. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is this - shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up. Shut up.
When summer comes thundering round, we all know what it’s set to bring - ice cream, crappy weather and another soul-sapping series of Big Brother.
In the beginning, Big Brother was a crazy experiment which for once didn’t involve cutting people open or giving them drugs which would result in the growth of an extra eye. Instead, it was set to monitor the results of living in a controlled human environment. Or as most viewers interpreted it, a chance to maybe see some people have sex. But as time has gone on, the experimental phase has vanished and contestants have used Big Brother as a platform to launch a career. None are ever successful and, brilliantly for us, we get to see them crash and burn.
It’s now the turn of Chanelle Hayes.
Top that, crying bad-haired Scottish boy whose name we can't even remember - Leona Lewis, who won X Factor before you is number one in America.
Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis is number one in the American singles chart, proving that not even global superpowers are immune to personality-free girls doing generally passable Whitney Houston impressions.
It's worth pointing out, though, that Leona Lewis is the first British female to get a US number one single since Kim Wilde in 1987. And if Leona Lewis keeps her head down and work hard, maybe she'll reach the same dizzying heights. That's right, the TV gardener/ health food commercial actor/ novelty Christmas single with the fat one from Smith & Jones combo is now well and truly within her grasp.
Some people often take things too seriously. Pete Doherty fans often cry into their pork pie hats when we write things about their hero, and we also get lots of poorly-written abusive messages back, usually along the lines of “omg how kan u say that about Pete” and “you are all like totally jealous of him like.” How we sleep at night is a mystery to us.
Last year however, one person took offence to people bad-mouthing Britney Spears. This person was Chris Crocker, who amused the world one morning with his unmoving speech on how horrible we are to Britney Spears. His fifteen minutes of fame seemed to extend longer then anyone hoped. And whilst we’d thought that he’d finally fucked off, we haven’t heard the last off the whiney twat.
Now we have the leave Britney alone single. Filling your ears with glue and snorting chillies is more pleasurable.
Hey, can we get a whoop-whoop out there for Albert Einstein? What about you nerds in the back? A little Albie love? No?? Fine. We’ll just turn to the person we always turn to when we need some mad science props: Mariah Carey.
You see, girlfriend’s got herself a new album coming out in April called E=MC2. Before you get too excited like we did, just know that there probably isn’t anything to do with Einstein’s Theory of Relativity on there.
We took a little listen to the first single, Touch My Body, so we can tell you there’s probably nothing to do with anything on there.
Okay, so maybe we haven’t had a record number of hit songs for a bunch of years in a row like Mariah Carey did, and maybe our legs aren’t insured for a billion dollars like Mariah Carey – the most we could get our legs insured for was about 50 bucks with a pop tart thrown in for the peg leg – but we still give ourselves full ridiculing rights when it comes to Mariah Carey.
Morrissey might be getting it from all sides thanks to those anti-immigration remarks he supposedly made in the NME, but he'll always have one lifelong fan in the shape of Russell Brand.
Russell Brand loves Morrissey so much that he's got a pet cat named Morrissey,
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Creepy sterile men, form an orderly queue - Jamie Lynn Spears, the newly-pregnant 16-year-old sister of Britney Spears, might very well be back on the market.
Less than 24 hours after Jamie Lynn Spears announced to the world via OK! magazine that a boy she met at church had knocked her up, it's looking increasingly like the pregnancy has driven a wedge between her and the baby's father Casey Aldridge. Yesterday Casey Aldridge took to his MySpace page to poetically express the profound complexity of young love torn asunder by sudden biological maturity. In other words, Casey changed his mood to 'Blah' and listed his status as 'Me and Jamie are over :('. It's hard to know how Jamie Lynn Spears will react to such a poignant display of heartbreak, although experts are guessing it'll either be :'( or x_x depending on how heavily the hormones are kicking in.
