Articles tagged with: Single
Uptight Ninnies Hate Britney Spears’ Naughty Song-Language
Since it's been about 18 seconds since Britney Spears last got into trouble, we're well overdue a new outrage. And, God bless Britney, that's what we've got. The new Britney Spears single is called If U Seek Amy - which, when said quickly, sounds a bit like 'F-U-C-K me'. And parental groups have reacted furiously to this. Not because of the bad language, you understand, but because of the inaccuracy. Nobody wants to F-U-C-K Britney Spears any more, do they? They want to vomit and run off because her scary red eyes are freaking them out. And she shouldn't lie to kids.
Since it's been about 18 seconds since Britney Spears last got into trouble, we're well overdue a new outrage. And, God bless Britney, that's what we've got. The new Britney Spears single is called If U Seek Amy - which, when said quickly, sounds a bit like 'F-U-C-K me'. And parental groups have reacted furiously to this. Not because of the bad language, you understand, but because of the inaccuracy. Nobody wants to F-U-C-K Britney Spears any more, do they? They want to vomit and run off because her scary red eyes are freaking them out. And she shouldn't lie to kids.
John Sergeant Proves He Doesn’t Get It, Records Christmas Song
Thanks to his talent for shuffling around on a shiny floor, panting and wheezing like a saggy weeble having a coronary, John Sergeant has never been more popular. And, now that the big hoo-hah about his resignation from Strictly Come Dancing has finally died down, the world of slightly tawdry opportunities has been opened to him. John Sergeant can now do whatever he likes - he can release a lazily-ghostwritten autobiography about his time on Strictly Come Dancing, he can take Kerry Katona's place as the face of Iceland, he can even bring out his own perfume if he likes. But only if he decides to call it Gout by John Sergeant. That's a dealbreaker. But, no, John Sergeant is far too classy to try anything so shallo... what? John Sergeant isn't too classy for any of that? In fact John Sergeant has such an inherent lack of class that he's bringing out a Christmas single? And it's a duet with Adrian Chiles from The One Show? Here's a challenge - you've got all day to think of a worse idea than that. You won't be able to.
Thanks to his talent for shuffling around on a shiny floor, panting and wheezing like a saggy weeble having a coronary, John Sergeant has never been more popular. And, now that the big hoo-hah about his resignation from Strictly Come Dancing has finally died down, the world of slightly tawdry opportunities has been opened to him. John Sergeant can now do whatever he likes - he can release a lazily-ghostwritten autobiography about his time on Strictly Come Dancing, he can take Kerry Katona's place as the face of Iceland, he can even bring out his own perfume if he likes. But only if he decides to call it Gout by John Sergeant. That's a dealbreaker. But, no, John Sergeant is far too classy to try anything so shallo... what? John Sergeant isn't too classy for any of that? In fact John Sergeant has such an inherent lack of class that he's bringing out a Christmas single? And it's a duet with Adrian Chiles from The One Show? Here's a challenge - you've got all day to think of a worse idea than that. You won't be able to.
LISTEN: New Guns N’ Roses Single Guffed Onto The Radio
Question: how long does it take Axl Rose to write a song that sounds like the theme-tune to Biker Mice From Mars? Answer: however long it's taken Guns N' Roses to record Chinese Democracy. Today is the day that many never thought they'd see in their lifetime - the day that the first single from Chinese Democracy by Guns N' Roses got officially played on the radio. There's a link to the song - also entitled Chinese Democracy - after the jump, but if you can't be bothered, just imagine the background music from a 1980s regional ITV show about speedboats, but with a painfully long muttered intro that lasts for about an hour and doesn't really go anywhere performed by a Stars In Their Eyes Axl Rose impersonator. Dr Pepper for everyone!
Question: how long does it take Axl Rose to write a song that sounds like the theme-tune to Biker Mice From Mars? Answer: however long it's taken Guns N' Roses to record Chinese Democracy. Today is the day that many never thought they'd see in their lifetime - the day that the first single from Chinese Democracy by Guns N' Roses got officially played on the radio. There's a link to the song - also entitled Chinese Democracy - after the jump, but if you can't be bothered, just imagine the background music from a 1980s regional ITV show about speedboats, but with a painfully long muttered intro that lasts for about an hour and doesn't really go anywhere performed by a Stars In Their Eyes Axl Rose impersonator. Dr Pepper for everyone!
Britney Spears’ Womanizer Single Honked Up All Over The Radio
Britney Spears is worse than we thought - far from making a full recovery, she's actually regressed to the point where she can only robotically babble vowel sounds. It's true - Britney Spears' new single got its official radio debut today, and she basically only does two things in it. First, Britney Spears just goes "Oh oh ooh ooh ah-ah-ah" over and over again like C-3PO getting a stinging nettle handjob, and secondly she says the word 'womanizer' 41 times in a row. We've forgotten what the song's called. So is Womanizer by Britney Spears going to be another hit? It had better be - we've always said that what Britney Spears is to be violently thrust into the spotlight a bit more.
Britney Spears is worse than we thought - far from making a full recovery, she's actually regressed to the point where she can only robotically babble vowel sounds. It's true - Britney Spears' new single got its official radio debut today, and she basically only does two things in it. First, Britney Spears just goes "Oh oh ooh ooh ah-ah-ah" over and over again like C-3PO getting a stinging nettle handjob, and secondly she says the word 'womanizer' 41 times in a row. We've forgotten what the song's called. So is Womanizer by Britney Spears going to be another hit? It had better be - we've always said that what Britney Spears is to be violently thrust into the spotlight a bit more.
38 Badly-Recorded Seconds Of Britney Spears’ Womanizer Leaked
You may have heard that Britney Spears is back - and for once 'back' doesn't mean 'back sobbing on a pavement with no knickers on'. Britney Spears is actually back. Back doing singing and dancing an dancing and stuff. As we recently reported, the new Britney Spears album Circus will be released in December. But it's going to be preceded by a single called Womanizer, and that single's been leaked, and we've got it here. So does Womanizer mark Britney Spears' stunning return to cultural relevancy? It's actually hard to tell, because the leaked version is 38 seconds long and sounds like it was recorded from a mobile phone onto another mobile phone in a tin bucket full of jelly down a well in space. But we'll just assume that it doesn't, anyway. We're bastards like that.
You may have heard that Britney Spears is back - and for once 'back' doesn't mean 'back sobbing on a pavement with no knickers on'. Britney Spears is actually back. Back doing singing and dancing an dancing and stuff. As we recently reported, the new Britney Spears album Circus will be released in December. But it's going to be preceded by a single called Womanizer, and that single's been leaked, and we've got it here. So does Womanizer mark Britney Spears' stunning return to cultural relevancy? It's actually hard to tell, because the leaked version is 38 seconds long and sounds like it was recorded from a mobile phone onto another mobile phone in a tin bucket full of jelly down a well in space. But we'll just assume that it doesn't, anyway. We're bastards like that.
Britney Spears Releases New Album ‘Circus’ Frighteningly Soon
As evidenced by her nanosecond appearance at the MTV VMAs recently, Britney Spears is back to her best, and that can only mean one thing. Yes, that's right - Britney Spears has got a new album coming out soon. According to a just-released missive from her record label, Britney Spears' new album is to be called Circus and will be released on December 2, with a new single entitled Womanizer coming out next week. It's exciting stuff, but why has Britney Spears chosen to call her new album Circus? Well it's easy - Britney Spears wanted to name her album after the best description for the inside of her own head. Other contenders for the album title were Swirling Kaleidoscope Of Terrifying Cackles, The Theme-Tune To Taxi On An Unrelenting Loop and Barely-Pulsating Gloop.
As evidenced by her nanosecond appearance at the MTV VMAs recently, Britney Spears is back to her best, and that can only mean one thing. Yes, that's right - Britney Spears has got a new album coming out soon. According to a just-released missive from her record label, Britney Spears' new album is to be called Circus and will be released on December 2, with a new single entitled Womanizer coming out next week. It's exciting stuff, but why has Britney Spears chosen to call her new album Circus? Well it's easy - Britney Spears wanted to name her album after the best description for the inside of her own head. Other contenders for the album title were Swirling Kaleidoscope Of Terrifying Cackles, The Theme-Tune To Taxi On An Unrelenting Loop and Barely-Pulsating Gloop.
Hey Ladies, Michael Bolton Is Single Again! Phwooar Etc
Do you want the good news or the bad news? Well tough, there isn't any bad news. There's good news and great news - Michael Bolton is single! Yes, that solitary fact is both good news and great news. Read it again. Michael Bolton is single. Michael. Bolton. Is. Single. Michael Bolton is single! We'll have to make this brief because we want to spray our nads with Old Spice and form an orderly queue outside Michael Bolton's house with the rest of the hormone-ravaged ladies. Everyone wins! OK, maybe it isn't particularly good news for Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan, because Michael Bolton only became single after breaking off his engagement to her and she's probably wallowing around up to her knockers in self-pity as a result. But then it's probably her fault for having a difficult-to-spell first name, the big cow.
Do you want the good news or the bad news? Well tough, there isn't any bad news. There's good news and great news - Michael Bolton is single! Yes, that solitary fact is both good news and great news. Read it again. Michael Bolton is single. Michael. Bolton. Is. Single. Michael Bolton is single! We'll have to make this brief because we want to spray our nads with Old Spice and form an orderly queue outside Michael Bolton's house with the rest of the hormone-ravaged ladies. Everyone wins! OK, maybe it isn't particularly good news for Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan, because Michael Bolton only became single after breaking off his engagement to her and she's probably wallowing around up to her knockers in self-pity as a result. But then it's probably her fault for having a difficult-to-spell first name, the big cow.
Song Review: Keane – Spiralling
“Song review? Don’t you mean CD review, morons?†For once we decided not to leave ourselves open for getting something wrong and remembered that you can’t physically get hold of this new tune from the UK’s worst drug-taking band, Keane. Unless you’re one of those posh industry types, this song is unavailable to buy on CD, vinyl or even from one of those fancy digital downloading services. Though we assume it’s on file sharing sites alongside the mis-titled new Elvis and Frank Sinatra album. Usually we don’t bother telling you how awesome or shoddy a single is, but seeing as it’s free release that didn’t get that much publicity compared to other free downloads, offered by the likes of Radiohead and Sigur Ros, we thought we’d make you aware. Spiralling is taken from Keane's yet to be released (but probably available illegally on the internet) third album Perfect Symmetry.
“Song review? Don’t you mean CD review, morons?†For once we decided not to leave ourselves open for getting something wrong and remembered that you can’t physically get hold of this new tune from the UK’s worst drug-taking band, Keane. Unless you’re one of those posh industry types, this song is unavailable to buy on CD, vinyl or even from one of those fancy digital downloading services. Though we assume it’s on file sharing sites alongside the mis-titled new Elvis and Frank Sinatra album. Usually we don’t bother telling you how awesome or shoddy a single is, but seeing as it’s free release that didn’t get that much publicity compared to other free downloads, offered by the likes of Radiohead and Sigur Ros, we thought we’d make you aware. Spiralling is taken from Keane's yet to be released (but probably available illegally on the internet) third album Perfect Symmetry.
