It might surprise you to learn that dubstep superstar Skrillex has managed to evade our detection up until now. Fans of uninspired, grimy rubbish need live in fear no longer. He finally matters to us!

Why do we suddenly care what the Greasy-Haired Prince of the Undercut is up to? Well, in case you haven’t heard he’s been making kissy-faces with Ellie Goulding of “having a jaw the size of a cruise-liner” fame.

There we go, there’s your jokes about their appearances. Did you enjoy them? No? Good.