Four left. That’s all. There are only four American Idol contestants left this year. It’ll all be over soon.

Thank heaven for that. In fact, no, we should thank Aaron Kelly for that. Because if Aaron Kelly – a man so intergalactically anonymous that we didn’t even realise that he was part of American Idol until it was too late – hadn’t squeaked out Fly Me To The Moon in the style of Uni from Dungeons And Dragons after being struck down with emphysema, then he might not have been kicked out of American Idol last night, leaving five American Idol contestants this year.

So thanks Aaron Kelly. You might not realise it – because you look like you have all the sentient ability of a damp sandal – but American Idol will end soon because of you. We’d track you down and thank you personally, but we can’t really remember what you look like.

Does anyone else get the feeling that the theme for this week’s American Idol – Sinatra week – was a gigantic mistake? Not because it’s clearly the act of a madman to ask a bunch of 17-year-old charisma-deficient pipsqueaks to tackle the canon of one of the world’s most effortlessly authoritarian singers. And not because American Idol had already booked Lady Gaga to perform on the show, and next to her spectacular audio-visual collage, a bunch of sub-hotel lobby Frank Sinatra covers couldn’t help but look weedy and anaemic.

No, we think that Sinatra night might have been a spelling mistake. Simon Cowell has less than a month to go on American Idol, so maybe producers let him choose his own theme as a leaving present. And maybe he requested Sinitta week as a nod to his former girlfriend. Sinitta week would have been fun – Michael Lynche could have performed So Macho in a tiny pair of lycra hotpants, and Casey James could have performed Toy Boy in a tiny pair of lycra hotpants, and Crystal Bowersox could have wandered around aimlessly covered in some leaves for no real reason.

But no, ‘Sinitta’ was misread as ‘Sinatra’, dooming us all to yet another hapless slog through several half-dead big band numbers. And that mistake proved deadly for Aaron Kelly, who somehow performed Fly Me To The Moon in the style of someone urinating in their own trousers, and was justly eliminated because of it. He may have used his exit from American Idol to say something profound, but if he did we didn’t notice. Just like we forgot that he even existed about 30 seconds after the show ended.

So with Aaron Kelly gone, that just leaves Tubby Boy, Tubby Girl, Girl-Haired Boy and Anonymous Fourth Remaining Contestant in the running to win American Idol. It should all be plain sailing from here, right? Wrong – next week Jamie Foxx is going to be the guest mentor, which means we’re probably in for the worst few hours of television in living memory. Joy.

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