Posts tagged as:

Simon Cowell

JLS: The Club Is Alive With The Sound Of Auto Tune

by Kris Silver

JLS fans haven’t been very kind to us of late. Apparently they don’t like the fact that we inferred that their favourite band mimed some bad words and threw one of those showbiz hissy fit things at T4 On The Beach, which they TOTALLY did. Naturally being the reasonable and thoughtful people we are, we [...]

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Cher Lloyd Hates People With Opinions. Except Example.

by Joanna Bolouri

Last week our editor Mof made us all listen to Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger‘ causing a mixture of great sadness, violent outbursts and uncontrollable bleeding throughout the hecklerspray bedsit.  Not a pretty sight. So you can imagine our horror when we found out that another video has surfaced where she’s still attempting to convince us all she’s [...]

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JLS Get All Upset At T4 On The Beach And Mime Swear Words At Everyone

by Matthew Laidlow

It’s been a weekend full of festivals with nearly every performer you can think of out to plug any old tat they’ve got coming out soon. Up in Scotland, a mix of indie, rock and electronica could be found, although annoyances like Bruno Mars still managed to evade security and get on stage at T [...]

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Decoded: Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger’ Forces Pop Down Your Ear

by Mof Gimmers

Cher Lloyd can’t do a thing right. We suspect it isn’t actually anything to do with her, rather, the machinery that surrounds her. Every single move made by the financiers seems to be one clanging mistake after another. And so, painted into a corner with a neon sign flashing over her head saying ‘Unlikeable’, Cher [...]

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Louis Walsh Cleared Of Indecent Assault As ‘Victim’ Decided He Quite Liked It Or Something. We Weren’t Really Listening.

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh was recently accused of indecent assault in a nightclub toilets in Dublin. That’s great isn’t it? All indecent assaults seem to take place in toilets. It must be something to do with the wonderful bouquet given off by urinal cakes. Anyway, some fella has said that Walsh went for his groin and it [...]

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Surprising First ‘Louis Walsh Groped Some Fella’ Story

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh, of X Factor and impresario behind Westlife and Boyzone, is a man much mocked. Firstly, he’s mocked for his terrible taste in music. Secondly, he’s quite clearly in the middle of very long nervous breakdown. Thirdly, everyone likes to point at him and say ‘gay’. Now, with a combination of the stresses of [...]

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Louis Walsh Conveniently Forgets That No-One Cares About Why He Hates Boyzone

by Michael Park

Preening, chemically enhanced music “supremo” Louis Walsh has spoken out about his decision to step down as Boyzone’s manager, something that we didn’t even know had happened. Walsh, the man responsible for making the skin of young boys everywhere crawl to the point where it attempts to tear itself from the body of its host and [...]

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Cheryl Cole Hates America And Simon Cowell But Loves Girls Aloud

by Mof Gimmers

We live in a world that is dominated by girl groups… and it really is fantastic. Rock is pretty much dead in the water, filled with bloated, self-worthy fellas with guitars peddling pedestrian, plodding pish. The girls meanwhile are making fun, Friday night records. Apart from Adele. And now that Cheryl Cole has been ‘freed’ [...]

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Britain’s Got Talent Is One Big Simon Cowell Fix Says Unreliable Anonymous Source

by Mof Gimmers

It’s a small miracle that people who watch The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent think it’s a level playing field, when the shows are quite clearly as choreographed as WWE events. They’re not based in competition, rather, the drama of perceived competition. They are, first and foremost, television programmes: scripted, edited to within an [...]

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Javine Wants Someone Who Can Actually Sing On X Factor (So She Can See What A Proper Singer Looks Like)

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Javine Hylton? No? She’s the girl famous for being called a ‘slag’ by Jamelia on Nevermind The Buzzcocks. Yeah. You vaguely recall that? Well, elsewhere, Javine has knocked uglies with MC Harvey, not won Eurovision and not won Popstars: The Rivals. Basically, there’s very little of note about her, apart from her curious teeth. [...]

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