Posts tagged as:

Simon Cowell

Cher Lloyd Ignores Her Stylists Because They, Like Everyone Else, Are Haters

by Michael Park

It is a fact, passed down through from hecklerspray writer to hecklerspray writer that if ever someone utters the words “haters gonna hate” or any other variation on that theme that they have automatically marked themselves out as a hateful figure. Therefore it is easy to imagine the vehement feelings of anger that course through [...]

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What’s All This About Simon Cowell And His Amazing Anti-Ageing Potion?

by Mof Gimmers

Simon Cowell isn’t looking as old as he used to. Sure, he’s looking weirder than he used to, but that’s clearly down to American dentistry, leaving him looking like a boiled potato with some dentures jammed in. While you may think the music mogul/overlord has been under the surgeon’s knife, well, you may well be [...]

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Suicidal Louis Walsh Blabs About Cheryl Cole’s Love Life Like An Idiot

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh. He’s been on the brink of a nervous breakdown since the last series of The X Factor when he got spectacularly angry about the existence of the film, Gummo. We’ve assumed that he’s been going under thanks to working with Jedward. That or some suffocating closeting he’s imposed on himself surrounding rumours of [...]

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Look! X Factor USA Is Imminent! Simon Cowell’s Nightmare In Video Proves It!

by Mof Gimmers

Hark at this! The brand spanking new X Factor USA has finally started advertising itself and, despite shameless product placement, they’ve only gone and made an adspot that isn’t wholly awful. In fact, it’s almost charmingly witty. Although, Paula Abdul’s face takes the prize as funniest thing on the video. Anyway, here it is. Watch [...]

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JLS: The Club Is Alive With The Sound Of Auto Tune

by Kris Silver

JLS fans haven’t been very kind to us of late. Apparently they don’t like the fact that we inferred that their favourite band mimed some bad words and threw one of those showbiz hissy fit things at T4 On The Beach, which they TOTALLY did. Naturally being the reasonable and thoughtful people we are, we [...]

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Cher Lloyd Hates People With Opinions. Except Example.

by Joanna Bolouri

Last week our editor Mof made us all listen to Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger‘ causing a mixture of great sadness, violent outbursts and uncontrollable bleeding throughout the hecklerspray bedsit.  Not a pretty sight. So you can imagine our horror when we found out that another video has surfaced where she’s still attempting to convince us all she’s [...]

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JLS Get All Upset At T4 On The Beach And Mime Swear Words At Everyone

by Matthew Laidlow

It’s been a weekend full of festivals with nearly every performer you can think of out to plug any old tat they’ve got coming out soon. Up in Scotland, a mix of indie, rock and electronica could be found, although annoyances like Bruno Mars still managed to evade security and get on stage at T [...]

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Decoded: Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger’ Forces Pop Down Your Ear

by Mof Gimmers

Cher Lloyd can’t do a thing right. We suspect it isn’t actually anything to do with her, rather, the machinery that surrounds her. Every single move made by the financiers seems to be one clanging mistake after another. And so, painted into a corner with a neon sign flashing over her head saying ‘Unlikeable’, Cher [...]

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Louis Walsh Cleared Of Indecent Assault As ‘Victim’ Decided He Quite Liked It Or Something. We Weren’t Really Listening.

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh was recently accused of indecent assault in a nightclub toilets in Dublin. That’s great isn’t it? All indecent assaults seem to take place in toilets. It must be something to do with the wonderful bouquet given off by urinal cakes. Anyway, some fella has said that Walsh went for his groin and it [...]

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Surprising First ‘Louis Walsh Groped Some Fella’ Story

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh, of X Factor and impresario behind Westlife and Boyzone, is a man much mocked. Firstly, he’s mocked for his terrible taste in music. Secondly, he’s quite clearly in the middle of very long nervous breakdown. Thirdly, everyone likes to point at him and say ‘gay’. Now, with a combination of the stresses of [...]

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