Bill Murray is not like other Hollywood actors. For starters, he’s really cool despite doing some lousy films. Apparently, he doesn’t even have an agent or manager and only looks at scripts after he’s checked the mailbox of a personal phone number… which he hardly ever checks.
This could well be the reason why Ghostbusters 3 has been long rumoured, but unable to get moving.
And, rightly, movie execs are going to scrap the film if Bill Murray refuses to sign up. Basically, there’s no replacing Bill Murray.
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Now that it’s April, we don’t have to remember anything about what happened at The Oscars, and it’s beautiful.
We don’t have to remember the winners. We don’t have to remember the forced stage banter. In fact, aside from the speech where Sandra Bullock praised her husband without realising that he’d been secretly boning a tattooed Nazi fetishist on the sly, we don’t remember a single thing about The Oscars at all. But Sigourney Weaver does.
Sigourney Weaver remembers that her film Avatar hardly won any Oscars, even though it was prettier than everything else, more technologically advanced than anything else and had about 30 more offensive blue Jesus-aliens in it than anything else. Why does Sigourney Weaver think that Avatar fared so miserably at The Oscars – simple, it’s because James Cameron doesn’t have a vagina. Obviously.
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What was most offensive about Avatar? Its length? The fact that Zoe Saldana had boobs for no reason whatsoever?
Its GCSE politics? The way that the 3D glasses made your eyeballs start to vibrate inside your own skull? No, you idiots, it was the smoking. Remember how Sigourney Weaver was all like “I sure do love to smoke me some cigarettes!” in Avatar and then she died? That was the most offensive thing about Avatar – apart from, you know, the whole thing being a bunch of gormless hippy bollocks.
In fact, Weaver’s Avatar smoking has riled some people enough to buy ads bemoaning all the free advertising the tobacco industry received as a result. And the tobacco industry has been quick to maximise on this, which explains all the ‘Cigarettes: Now Smoked By Butch Old Ladies Who Turn Into Aliens And Then Die!’ billboards you’ve been seeing everywhere lately.
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It’s helpful when a film’s title describes its contents – Jaws had some jaws in it, Michael Clayton contained a man called Michael Clayton and Kindergarten Cop was famous for featuring those two exact things.
And that theory works beautifully with the Alien series. Alien had an alien in it, Aliens had more than one alien in it, Alien 3 was the third film in the franchise and Alien: Resurrection was a film about some aliens that featured a resurrection as a key plot point.
Which brings us to Alien 5. Which might be happening. Without any aliens in it. Whoops.
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