And on that basis, Cloverfield is probably the best film of all time. It's been reported that the movie is causing so much nausea in cinemas that ushers are staggering out of screening covered from head to toe in a nasty mixture of puke and semi-digested popcorn kernels. Almost.

Not because Cloverfield is gory, mind you – it's because the camera whooshes around all the time like we don't know what.

As we all know, record-breaking monster movie Cloverfield has been dubbed 'the social networking Godzilla'. Not because the Cloverfield monster just invited us to join a Facebook group called 'Woooarrrrrgggh! Hwuuuurgh!' – which is true – but because the whole thing's filmed in the style of a gang of pikeys making Diet Coke bottles explode with Mentos in a council estate carpark on Youtube.

And that's been a bit of a problem. Some Cloverfield audience members have been complaining that the fast-paced, shaky camera style have left them unable to follow what's going on. And that's mainly because they've been overcome by the uncontrollable desire to spray every piece of food they've ever eaten out of their mouths like it's a lumpy petrol pump. The Boston Herald reports:

“About 15 minutes into the movie my stomach started to hurt,” said Chris Hyde, 25, of Lynn, who saw the flick the night it opened. “Forty minutes into it, I had to close my eyes I was so dizzy. Finally, I left. It took me about an hour afterwards to recover.” “I had to get up and leave the theater for nearly 20 minutes just to keep from hurling,” said one blogger on the popular movie website IMDB.com. CNN reported that there have been similar complaints across the country from moviegoers.

That's the main problem with Cloverfield replicating a typical shaky Youtube video – while it's fine to watch that sort of thing in a window the size of your big toe on a computer monitor, if you blow it up onto a screen that's bigger than your house and make cola-filled pick-n-mix scoffers sit in a dark room watching it, people are going to get motion sickness.

However, it's worth remembering that so far there have been no reported cases of actual Cloverfield-inspired vomiting. And that's a let-down, to be honest. Maybe in the inevitable Cloverfield sequel Matt Reeves can go all out and film everything by hanging cameras from the ceiling by pieces of string on a boat in the middle of a stormy ocean. That's bound to get people throwing up.

Or just cast Drew Barrymore in it. Same result. 

Read more:

Monster-ful ‘Cloverfield’ does barf-o box office – Boston Herald  

It's been reported, you see, that Eminem went to hospital over the Christmas period because of a serious heart condition and complications from pneumonia, with sources adding that he's increased in weight to over 200 lb. Of course, this illness and massive weight-gain means that Eminem can't be called Slim Shady any more, and so he's thought to be deciding on a new name, with either Fatt Poorly or Pensioner'z Illnezz being current front-runners.

In the past you couldn't help but stumble across comparisons between Eminem and Elvis Presley – after all, they were both white boys stealing black music and sending it mainstream. But now the comparison has never looked more accurate thanks to reports that Eminem has taken on Elvis' fondness for tubby reclusiveness and bouts of ill health. While it hasn't got to the 'death by shitting' stage yet, it's understood that things are actually getting quite serious for Eminem.

TMZ has reported that Eminem was rushed to a Detroit hospital over the festive period suffering from pneumonia, a bad heart and worrying weight-gain:

We're told Em was taken to a Detroit-area hospital for a serious heart condition and severe pneumonia. Sources tell TMZ Em's weight has ballooned to over 200 lbs. Eminem 's publicist told TMZ: "Over the holidays, Marshall Mathers, aka Eminem, was under doctor's care at a Detroit-area hospital for complications due to pneumonia. He has since been released and is doing well recovering at home."

At first, news of Eminem's illness probably seems sudden, but it's only after some thought that you come to realise that, actually, what is it that Eminem does any more? Sure, he's sold millions of records, but his last proper album came out four years ago. Since then there's been a Greatest Hits collection and a weak mix album to his name and nothing else with little on the horizon. Frankly Eminem could have caught pneumonia by digging a moat around his house naked, or contracted his heart disease by swallowing bees for a bet for all we know about him these days.

So hopefully Eminem will get better soon, and maybe even think about making more music at some point. Still, ever the optimists, at least there's something to be gained from Eminem laying in a hospital seriously ill – it'd be one less opportunity for him marry his ex-wife and then divorce her another couple of times.

Read more:

Eminem — Not Slim Anymore; Big Health Scare! – TMZ