News has reached us here at hecklerspray of a really tragic event that should highlight age issues throughout our society. For too long people have gone about their daily lives, scarcely giving a thought to the older people in our society, people who are too old and frail to care for themselves properly.
As the economic slump continues and people find it just too damned expensive to squeeze out babies like they’re going out of fashion, the world’s population will continue to get older and it is to our older friends and neighbours that we must look to and offer a helping hand in their hour of need.
It’s news like this that really hammers that fact home.
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Here in the hecklerspray bedsit, we’re often told off for using inappropriate words to describe the girls’ genitalia. In fact, there was a time that Matthew Laidlow had to spend three weeks hooked up to a catheter after asking Joanna Bolouri if he could cop a feel of her “pouch”. After that, Editor Mof came up with some severe guidelines on sexual harassment and the bedsit hasn’t been the same since.
The real question is, how do you refer to your genitals? It’s not because we have any real interest in knowing, you understand. We just want to focus on what’s important in this column. We want to focus on the real issues of the day and do that we need to know what you ladies call your vagina.
Okay, we’ll admit it. We don’t know, nor do we want to know.
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Miley Cyrus is everywhere – TV, movie, magazines, record stores – so you’d expect that the girl would like a bit of privacy now and then.
Tish tosh, people, nothing of the sort. In fact, not even Miley Cyrus’ constant media saturation is enough for her – which is why she appears to be chronicling her entire life with photographs in an incredibly regimented way. Even the part of her life that involves posing in the shower in just a wet white T-shirt.
That’s right – photos of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus standing under a shower in just a wet T-shirt have been doing the internet rounds. It’s about the 15th set of embarrassingly provocative photos that Miley Cyrus has had to deal with, but it’s by no means the worst – rumour has it there’s a candid snap somewhere of Miley enjoying and dancing to her father’s song Achy Breaky Heart. That’d just finish her career instantly.
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Blackout is probably the most important album that Britney Spears will ever release, so how she goes about promoting is key – for example, Britney wouldn't want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower.
No, wait, our mistake – Britney Spears would want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower. Yesterday morning in what appears to be her only piece of actual promotion for the album that could make or break her future as an artist, Britney Spears had a telephone interview with Ryan Seacrest in which she exclusively revealed her love of cookies and how she thinks the world is slightly cruel. Then Britney abruptly cut it short to listlessly meander off to shower.
Still, at least we know that Britney Spears showers now. We had wondered.
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