Everything has to be made bigger and better.

Take the humble dating show. Blind Date on ITV was a great way of laughing at creepy singletons. It was easy to see what they would be like based on answers to scripted questions such as “What do you like doing in your spare time?” Contestant One – Following women around and photographing them. Contestant Two – Stealing knickers off washing lines. Contestant Three – Worshipping Satan and drinking goat blood. Based on these responses, you could select a stalker stud and be whisked off to Torquay for a romantic canal trip.

Sadly this classic format died and was replaced with shows like Flavor Of Love 1, 2 and 3, I Love New York and, more recently, the terrible A Shot Of Love With Tila Tequila 1 and 2. And, judging by the godawful way that the latter ended, probably A Shot Of Love With Tila Tequila 3.

A Shot Of Love With Tila Tequila apparently changed the world. Well, according to her anyway. The girl with more MySpace friends than you changed TV dating shows forever as she let 12 manly-looking lesbians and 12 horny blokes battle it out for her heart.

At the end of the first series, she picked Bobby as her sweetheart. Aww, we literally shed a tear as the happy couple embraced and went off to have sex. Tragically though, cupid’s arrows must have misfired and the relationship didn’t quite work out. 

Seemingly over her tragic loss quite quickly, another series was commissioned for millions thousands hundred tens of people to watch. The second series was pretty much the same as the first. It had tears, tantrums, arguments, fights and people munching on bits of raw animal to show their love for someone they realistically have nothing in common with. 

Slowly but surely, the contestants were eliminated to the final two. Bo and Kristy were the ones left to fight it out for Tila’s heart. After picking a bloke in the first series, it was certain she’d go for some lady love this time. And she did, to the delight of perverts everywhere. But to the shock of everyone, the winner turned down her chance to spend a few weeks with Tila Tequila before she turned back on to men again. Watch, it almost looks unscripted…

Uh-oh, that means once again we have a brokenhearted girl who still can’t find love after whoring herself out on national TV twice now. So far this year there have been two series of the show broadcast. It’s only July, so we can assume a third series will be squeezed into the schedule around November time.

However, we have a partial solution for Tila. Comedy rapper Flavor Flav can’t find love with his identical show either. Maybe the two of them should just get together! It would mean we’d a rapid decline in shit reality TV shows and give MTV the weird opportunity to play a music video once in a while.