In the UK, the only real battle we have is between “Team Peter” and “Team Katie.” Whilst they’re both like persistant scabs who scar the celebrity landscape, people are genuinely torn between who they prefer. Do you go for the ex-tit model or a bloke who is so fame hungry, that he went back into the “I’m A Celebrity” Jungle of Obscurity?
Over in America, there are loads of couples who frequently split up once they’ve bagged the cash for the wedding tie-in photos or TV special. Ain’t that right Kim Kardashian? Occasionally though, a celeb breakup can be real and quite literally messy as Rihanna found out when human Muppet impersonator Chris Brown splattered her pretty face across the inside of his car with his fists.
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Tupac Shakur wasn’t just one of the most average rappers to ever grace the mic. He was also a man who very rarely wore a shirt. He was really very, very keen when it came to showing off his grotesquely pumped up torso.
However, his family aren’t keen on the idea of another pumped up bit of his anatomy being aired for all to see as they’re threatening to sue anyone who publishes his sex tape.
Does this sex tape even exist? Seems so. And we’ve got ourselves a still from it with a disclaimer so no-one takes us to court.
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There’s nothing quite like celebrity genitals. They’re much, much better than non-famous genitals. And trumping all those are the famous genitals of a celebrity cadaver. That’s why we’re all getting excited about Tupac!
See, Tupac Shakur isn’t just a pretty average rapper who got good in people’s eyes the minute he died.
He’s also a man who can get a nosh from a lady while dancing around to his own music while smoking cheap drugs. He’s our hero. And now, with the news that a sex tape is floating around, two bongo film distributors are locking becondomed antlers in a bid to buy it, so we can all watch it for free on some dodgy website. Seriously – there’s massive idiots out there who actually pay for skinny flicks.
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You remember Tupac Shakur don’t you guys? He was that vaguely famous rapper who everyone decided was really great because he died, rather than got good at rapping. In fact, he was a far better actor than he ever was at making music.
And this article does contain 2Pac on film and a little juice, but it’s not about lads getting into trouble and a DJing competition.
Nope. This is regarding a five minute tape that allegedly shows the rapper – now dead – receiving oral sex from an unidentified woman while he sings and dances along to his own music. That’s not unusual at all. We all love listening to our own voice on tape while dancing around with our member inside someone’s mouth. Perfectly normal behaviour.
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Tupac. What a terrible, terrible rapper. Of course, he had bags of charisma and could’ve been a great actor, but seriously, he didn’t release many great records.
However, he most certainly saw the benefit of being shot. After taking a bullet, he cemented himself in the ‘for real’ league and then, well, he became a legend when he got shot and released more records in death than he did when he was alive like a black Elvis.
However, there’s those that don’t believe he’s even dead. Well, ‘Pac’s chums – The Outlawz – would beg to differ. Why? Because they smoked his ashes.
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THE BIG DOG IS IN THE HOUSE! 6 words that, when you hear them on the radio, let you know that it’s time to change the station, because the whitest man in history, Tim Westwood, is about to start broadcasting.
It’s fairly safe to say we all hate Westwood, after all what is there to love about a man who looks like a geography teacher painfully trying to hard to appear ‘street’ to keep his pupils interested?
But none of us seem to hate Westwood quite as much as Mark Bulcock.
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Remember Tupac Shakur? Good looking, talented, excellent in Juice as the unhinged Bishop. He had it all apart from one vital thing – he really never made a decent record. Sure, there were a coupla good moments, but he was never truly great. So good thing he died young to cement his place in the pantheon of hip hop’s greatest.
Of course, his premature end was a big twist in one of pop-cultures most fascinating sagas. The Tupac/Biggie beef was big news for the music press at the time and, when Shakur was pictured flicking the bird while being wheeled onto an ambulance after getting shot, everybody was hooked, despite the lack of good records.
As you know, ‘Pac was eventually gunned down and the whole thing spawned a million conspiracy theories from blunted wasters, all scurrying around their modems trying work out whodunnit?, but to no avail. Then there were the corpse cash-in releases (posthumous, if you prefer). And now, the New York Police Dept. are investiagting a Tupac shooting all over again.
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As anyone generally considered villainous or reprehensible will tell you, anytime they are in a bank vault with a money-stuffed laundry bag slung over their shoulder, the last thing they want to see is ‘the Orange Glow.’
‘The Orange Glow’ is a criminal industry term for a streaked blur that swoops in and vanquishes all evil everywhere at least once daily. Some say his true identity is a mystery – unknown even to his plus-size wife.
Other’s say it’s actually Dog the Bounty Hunter after another rejuvenating self-tan session.
Speaking of which – someone recently tried to murder him.
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