Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have easily got the most beautiful family on Earth, and that's the way it'll stay until Zahara has clawed out Shiloh's eyeballs and stomped on them.

Yes, that's right - all of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's kids hate each other to pieces. Literally to pieces - it's like living with a gaggle of midget Naomi Campbells.

According to reports, Angelina Jolie's adopted brood have started a flurry of three-on-one attacks on her biological daughter Shiloh Nouvel. But Angelina likes nothing more than a fair fight, which is why - rather than the twins everyone expects - Angelina Jolie is actually gestating two fully-armed mecha-warriors from the future up her vagina to help level the playing field. To level it with plasma cannons.