Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
In case you didn’t already know it, Sharon Stone is a fucking legend. While normally I’d be referring to her whole leg crossing scene in Basic Instinct, right now I’m referring to her beyond perfect response to being asked during an interview if she’d ever been sexually harassed or made uncomfortable during her time in showbiz.
Not to give away too many blog spoilers, but Sharon’s reaction can be seen in the picture above.
If you’re partial to cheesy sex romps from the 80s, you may have spotted screen siren Betsy Russell and her ginormous breasts.
Although she was spawned from a family of academics, Betsy opted for a different path and jiggled her way into such masterpieces as Let’s Do It, Private School and Tomboy. Who could forget her legendary topless horse riding scene in Private School? A year later, Bo Derek did the same thing but went fully naked for her horse ride in Bolero.
Everyone knows Sharon Stone’s legendary Basic Instinct scene. But she’s much more than that. No, we’re not referring to her supposedly high 154 IQ. We’re talking about her penchant for getting naked. There are so just way too many Sharon Stone nudes out there. Not that its a bad thing, really.
In the 90s Sharon Stone was at her absolute peak. She was the typical sexy funny blonde girl who’s fun to be with and a blast in bed. Her sexuality was on point and she made full use of it during this period, clocking in classic nude scenes in films like Total Recall, Blood and Sane, Basic Instinct, Scissors, Sliver, Intersection, The Specialist and The Quick and the Dead.
A few weeks ago you may remember that we featured a list of sexy old ladies that divided the readership somewhat.
So this week we’ve decided to be a little more conventional. We’ve picked a topic that everyone can get into – the sexiest movie milfs. You know, the yummy mummies who won’t let a little thing like children prevent them from exuding raw sexual power. Oh, just thinking about milfs gets us panting and howling like a 1950s cartoon wolf.
That’s why we thought we’d share our sexiest movie milfs with you. Be warned, this list is not just incredibly sexual but also comprehensive. Don’t bother arguing with it. We’re right…
You might not know this, but Sharon Stone is famed for her sense of smell – if a mouse does a poo 50 miles away, Sharon Stone will still puke up and faint because if it.
And this ability has ultimately been Sharon Stone’s undoing. Sharon Stone lost custody of her child recently, with one of the justifications being that Sharon’s eight-year-old son had feet that smelt like putrid bum death, and she wanted to cure this with regular Botox injections into his feet.
However, Sharon Stone has denied wanting to Botox her son’s feet, calling it a ‘complete fabrication’. But on the other hand, she did give him a browlift to stop his sweaty armpits and a brand new set of 36DD plastic boobies to try and offset his chronic farting, so who knows.
hecklerspray doesn’t have any kids, but if we did we’d demand DNA evidence and a court order to prove it. They ain’t ours, skank.
Of course, once those things were obtained we’d dote on them, treating them each individually with great love and deep respect at least until age six, when their value in the middle east really peaks.
Speaking of which – thanks for the price guide, Amir, but do you have one in the King’s English?
If you think that’s bad – you should see Sharon Stone‘s parenting. She wants to pump her child so full of Botox that his seams start to burst. That’s why a judge just banished her to only seeing him two weekends a month or something.
We always thought that Sharon Stone would be a good mother, particularly because she’d always be getting her vag out to remind you where you’re from.
But maybe Sharon Stone isn’t such a fantastic mother after all, because it turns out that she’s lost physical custody of her eight-year-old son Roan to her ex-husband Phil Bronstein.
That’s upsetting. Not for Sharon Stone – she’s old enough to cope with this – but for her son. After all, this means he’ll never get to experience the unique form of schoolyard bullying that comes from having your naked 50-year-old mother who happens to be an intense figure of hatred to the entire Chinese community drop you off at school every morning. That poor boy. That poor poor boy.
It wasn’t so long ago that Sharon Stone offended all of China by saying each and everyone of them looked delicious, or something, and would no doubt be scrumptious when mashed down into a cracker-topping paste.
She then drew up blueprints for a restaurant that would use this as its niche. We told her this was a foolish concept, as nobody would come to a restaurant that only served crackers with mashed Chinamen on them. She said we misunderstood, and that she would use a wide variety of crackers to offer her patrons several palatable options.
And that was the line she used to sell us 20% of her stock. If all goes well, we’ll be able to retire several months ahead of schedule. We actually can’t remember if any of that was true or not. What is true though is that 1,000 Chinese people are on the verge of sueing Stone for one billion dollars worth of stir fried beef and broccoli for her ‘Karma’ comment a while back.
Or did they just want a billion in cold, hard cash? We’re pretty sure it was the latter.
After China had an earthquake Sharon Stone ran about yelling things like “let’s eat the surviving children,” and “finally, I can wear underpants again! A seriously devastating Asian earthquake is all I’ve been waiting for! I’m not kidding! A gypsy once told me to leave it open down there until something like this happened! This is especially nice as it’s been chilly lately!”
Now keep in mind that quote is with many creative liberties on our part. Nonetheless – Stone rocked the Asian world with some comment that was so dull we’ve long since forgotten what it was. But PETA hasn’t.
No – PETA is still livid. Livid enough to fire off a letter to Stone several months after the fact offering to give her a free brain scan to see if that’s why she’s so indifferent to human life and….(wait for it)… the suffering of animals.
That Dalai Lama and Robert Smith are a lot alike. More alike than you probably appreciate.
The Dalai Lama and Robert Smith both have their own websites, both find an umbrella necessary during monsoon season, both say “let’s go to bed” when they’re sleepy, and both of them are distancing themselves from Sharon Stone.
So, the Sharon Stone thing might be true for the Dalai Lama, but we’d wager Robert Smith would do the same, given the chance.
We’d all do the same, given the chance.
