Trashing hotel rooms is something of a right of passage for rock stars. They do it through boredom, anger or, in the case of most modern bands, because you’ve been told you MUST do it and as we all know, modern rock bands haven’t got an original idea between them.

However, when it comes to wilful destruction, there’s not many who are as creative as Ozzy Osbourne.

As we’ve all heard, he’s bitten the head from a bat, as well as biting the head off a dove and spitting it at the CEOs of his record company. He also took a piss on The Alamo. But what about destroying a room with a dead shark?

That’s right. Ozzy once soaked a room in shark’s blood while he cut its head off while on tour with Black Sabbath.

Sabbath guitarman Tony Iommi admits that, at the height of the band’s wild days, Ozzy decided to go mental with a shark corpse because the group were thoroughly bored of taking drugs.

Tony said:

“With drugs always you get bored, so you must do something to one another. Like Ozzy hauling a shark through a window, dismembering it and soaking our room in blood.”

The fingerless guitarist has just released his memoirs called ‘Iron Man: My Journey Through Heaven and Hell With Black Sabbath’. That’s why he’s indulging in a rock star’s favourite activity – remembering the good ol’ days.

Iommi also said:

“We had management problems, I married four times. Was a lousy husband. I suddenly didn’t feel good, so I stopped drugs. No rehab. I’m a country squire. I live on a farm with dogs and chickens. All I want is to work. I’m dedicated to working. Listen, I’ve set up equipment inside an enormous dungeon in a huge castle in Wales. And worked. I felt creative.”

So there you have it. If you’re a pampered rock star and the drugs have gotten too much for you, the best thing to do is to cause havoc with a large cadaver and then put some equipment in a dungeon.

Simples.

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Just a portion though. Had the rest of him been eaten our headline would have been 100 times more sensational. You know, it probably would have read ‘Shark Eats All Of Ryan Seacrest’ or something.

See what we mean? 100 times more sensational – that’s the stuff people want to read.

Had Seacrest been entirely consumed it probably would have been due to his utter refusal to preach Bible things to the Assyrians, whom we can all agree have been on a hot streak of wickedness in the past few weeks or so. He’d have to sit in the sharks belly just long enough to think about what it is he’d done, and sternly resolve to improve.

Actually, at this point it is widely unknown if Seacrest’s shark attack is a direct result of him offending the Almighty. We, however, having watched over ten minutes of last season’s American Idol, are pretty sure it was.

What more evidence can anyone ask for?

Nobody is sure what type of shark it was that took a chunk out of ol’ Ryan Seacrest, but it probably wasn’t venomous. We know this because the biter is widely assumed to be Asian due to the fact it covered him in soy sauce and prodded him with two big plastic chop-sticks before any toothy incision was made. As any science book will tell you, no breed of Asian shark carry any venom poisonous to man.

Of this, Seacrest is safe.

Fox News has specifics on the attack:

“So there Seacrest was, leisurely ocean-swimming in nothing short of olympic form, when next thing he knew he was being forced up against a sandwich pickle and a mayonnaise covered piece of toast.”

Did we attribute that to Fox News? No, we meant this is from them:

“Ryan Seacrest was taking a swim in the ocean over the weekend when he was bitten by a shark, he said on his KIIS-FM radio show Monday. The “American Idol” host said he was “about eight feet out” when he felt something swim by him. “I thought it was a stick,” he said. “I wasn’t sure what had happened.” Then, he said, “I saw it swim! He took a bite, and he left.”"

Word has it Seacrest is currently revising his resume to include ‘food’ alphabetically between American Idol stage-guy and radio personality. This will reportedly look impressive should he ever need to apply for work at Nabisco or Duncan Hines.

Also Larry King might like to see it on there. A little variety never hurts when it’s coming from the guy who might one day replace you.