You might think that everybody was utterly bored by Carrie Prejean by now. But you’d be completely wrong.

Because there’s still Miss California co-director Shanna Moakler. Even though Donald Trump has already allowed Carrie Prejean to keep the Miss California title, Shanna Moakler refuses to give up the fight – she’s still there, figuratively standing on the mountaintop waving the flag. Admittedly it’s a flag made out of nobody cares and she’s standing top of Mount Shut Up, but never mind.

Anyway, Shanna Moakler has resigned from her job in protest at Carrie Prejean. Weird, huh? Shanna Moakler had a job?

Although people are generally dismayed by all this nonsense about Carrie Prejean – either because they feel that the basic right to free speech is being eroded or because they’re offended that someone can still harbour such antiquated opinions in 2009 – you have to admit that quite a lot of good has come from it.

For starters, it’s managed to test the limits of human endurance like nothing else before it – it’s been a month already and we haven’t quite thrown ourselves off a bridge at the futility of it all. Secondly, it’s allowed people to write “Get Aids and die you cum swallowing queers“ on the internet under an assumed name which, as everybody can attest, is the absolute pinnacle of bravery. And thirdly it’s reminded us of the existence of Shanna Moakler.

Oh, you know. Shanna Moakler. Not married to the drummer from Blink 182 any more. Possibly punched Paris Hilton in a nightclub once. You remember. Anyway, Shanna Moakler is also the co-director of the Miss California pageant, because instructing a bunch of breathtakingly stupid girls how to walk around in bikinis is apparently a job now.

Or should we say that Shanna Moakler was the co-director of the Miss California pageant – thanks to Donald Trump’s decision to let Carrie Prejean retain her crown, she’s just decided to resign, saying:

“I cannot with a clear conscious move forward supporting and promoting the Miss Universe Organization when I no longer believe in it, or the contracts I signed committing myself as a youth. I want to be a role model for young [women], but now feel it more important to be a role model for my children. I am sorry and hope I have not let any young supporters down but wish them the best of luck in fulfilling their dreams.”

Now, we’re assuming that Shanna Moakler resigned because Carrie Prejean said that all gay people lived in trees and couldn’t use cutlery properly and smelt like old peoples’ beds (we’re paraphrasing) at the Miss USA pageant and not because she posed for about a million naked photos, because Google Images shows that Shanna’s not too sloppy when it comes to that either.

So what next for Shanna Moakler? It’s hard to say for sure, but taking a stand against Donald Trump like this can’t be good. It’s probably ruled her out of the next Celebrity Apprentice, and that’s a shame – as a woman who was formerly married to the drummer in an awful one-hit wonder band from a decade ago, she’d have easily been the most famous contestant there.

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Did you know that Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker had got back together? No? Do you know who Shanna Moakler is? No?

Well shame on you. This is big news. How big? Former drummer of annoying pop-punk band splitting up with the wife he’d already divorced once a year ago big. That’s as big as it gets. Probably.

Anyway, Shanna Moakler has split up with Travis Barker for possibly the billionth time. Usually at this point we’d say it was the kids who we felt most sorry for, but it’s not. It’s us who we feel most sorry for. Us.

Travis Barker, it’s fair to say, has had a rubbish time of it lately. No, we’re not talking about last September’s plane crash that killed four of his friends and left him with severe near-fatal burns. We’re talking about the fact that he’s decided to reform Blink-182 which, by any quantifiable definition, is obviously far worse.

Oh, and also there’s the fact that Travis Barker seems to have swapped love lives with a spotty, timid 15-year-old boy. You may remember, if you enjoy watching bad things about idiots, that Travis Barker was once the star of an MTV reality show with his then-wife Shanna Moakler. If you didn’t see it, relax – it was woeful. However, the show came to an abrupt end a few years ago when Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker split up.

If you missed Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker splitting up, relax – they got back together again about 30 seconds afterwards. Missed that? Relax – they split up again about 30 seconds after that. And that was final – Travis and Shanna got divorced and everything. After everything they had been through, Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler had reached total closure.

Except they obviously hadn’t, because about 30 seconds after Travis Barker’s plane crash, Shanna Moakler started running around telling everyone that they’d got back together – something that Travis Barker denied about 30 seconds after that in a blog.

Since then, it appears that Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler had got back together – something that we missed due to a combination of laziness and an impulse to beat ourselves unconscious any time we think that somebody’s going to start talking about either of them. But it’s OK that we missed it because guess what? Yep – Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler have split up again. And this time, it’s Shanna who’s been blogging about it:

“I came across numerous romantic emails with MANY other women, some famous, some I personally knew, all heart breaking. You know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourself… A woman can only turn her cheek so many times… I am a human being and the bashing has taken its toll.”

So that’s definitely that. Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler have definitely split up for good, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Nothing at all. They’re finished. Finito. It’s over. Do you understand? It’s the end. The definitive end of Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler’s relationship forever.

See you in 30 seconds, then.

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Because, now that Barack Obama is president, celebrities have got nothing left to blab their relentlessly ill-considered and completely unwanted opinions about, and that makes them sad. So thank heavens for the brand-new hot-button topic that has allowed any celebrity – no matter how utterly insignificant they be – to spout on about it like they’re bloody experts. We’re talking about the Heidi Montag/ Spencer Pratt wedding.

Now, just because you couldn’t give a monkey’s bum that Heidi Montag got married to Spencer Pratt, that’s not going to stop luminaries like Perez Hilton, two people off The Hills and that woman who used to be married to the man who was in that plane crash that one time from gibbering on like self-regarding nobsacks about it. Guess what’s after the jump. No, really. Guess.

The marriage between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills – as well as being as doomily apocalyptic-seeming as the union between the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster in Ghostbusters – has really polarised the public opinion. People seem to either not care about the Heidi Montag/ Spencer Pratt wedding or really not care about it. And that’s absolutely the correct human reaction.

But as we all know, celebrities aren’t human. Celebrities are little golden gifts from God, placed on this Earth purely to lift our weary spirits and make life worth living. All of them. Even the really shit ones like Perez Hilton, two people who we’re told star in The Hills and the ex-wife of the man who used to be the drummer in Blink 182.

And because none of the people we just mentioned are even remotely human, they’ve all got opinions of the Heidi Montag/ Spencer Pratt wedding. And they really, really want you to hear them. Let’s start with Perez Hilton, because then at least it’s over with.

Perez Hilton has called Spencer Pratt an ‘evil genius’ for orchestrating the entire wedding with Heidi Montag for the sake of publicity, making the shock announcement that people who pose for magazine covershoots sometimes get paid for it. Perez then made a few other points in his videoblog entry, but it was four minutes long so we didn’t listen to it because we thought our brain might dissolve if we did.

Next up: two of Heidi and Spencer’s co-stars on The Hills – Naked Girl and Girl We’ve Never Heard Of. Naked Girl told People:

“I am surprised and not surprised at the same time. I do think it’s very romantic that they eloped.”

While Girl We’ve Never Heard Of, or Whitney Port as she’s sometimes incorrectly called, told Extra:

“I just heard it like everyone else yesterday. Congratulations to them. I think it’s great if that’s what they’re ready to do. Good for them.”

So that’s two of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s co-stars and a man who’s somewhat professionally obligated to screech about rubbish like this dealt with. What about someone doesn’t seem to be connected to either Heidi Montag or Spencer Pratt in any way whatsoever? You! Yes, you! Shanna Moakler, ex-wife of ex-Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker! What do you have to say about all of this?

“No matter what happens, cameras rolling or not, never stop communicating and don’t allow third parties into your marriage.”

So now we know. Join us tomorrow for Kerry Katona’s reaction to Shanna Moakler’s reaction to the Heidi Montag/ Spencer Pratt wedding, and then next week when Geoffrey from Rainbow reacts to Kerry Katona’s reaction to Shanna Moakler’s reaction to the Heidi Montag/ Spencer Pratt wedding, and then the week after that when someone who was on The Bill in 1993 reacts to Geoffrey from Rainbow’s reaction to Kerry Katona’s reaction to Shanna Moakler’s reaction to the Heidi Montag/ Spencer Pratt wedding.

And then the week after that, when we kill ourselves.

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Oh come on, you know who Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are – he used to be in Blink 182 and she, um, she's Shanna Moakler. Anyway, even though Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler split up 18 months ago, they've only just got divorced. Still don't really know who either of them are? No, us neither really. Let's just pretend that we do, anyway. Ready?

Nope, still don't care about them.

We don't know about you, but we're only able to express our love for another human being if that love forms the basis of a badly-edited MTV reality show full of zany sound effects, and even then we'll only express it with a desperate approval-seeking look on our faces.

It's not just us this condition affects – Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey had it, and so did Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler. In fact, thanks to MTV's Meet The Barkers we'd go as far as to say that Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler were the Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey that even less people have heard of. But it couldn't last forever.

In August 2006 Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler split up to almost deafening apathy for the wider world. But if you thought that nobody cared about those two awful needy bastards back them, imagine how little anyone cares 18 months later now that they've finally got their acts together to properly divorce. E! Online reports:

Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are officially single again. The ex-couple, whose wedded life was once chronicled in the MTV series Meet the Barkers, were divorced earlier this month, according to court documents first obtained by TMZ. After tying the knot in October 2004, Barker and Moakler announced their split in August 2006.  They later reconciled briefly, only to break it off again. They have two children together, four-year-old son Landon and two-year-old daughter Alabama. Moakler also has an eight-year-old daughter, Atiana, from her previous relationship with Oscar de la Hoya.

Honestly, we're not even sure that Travis and Shanna's kids care about their divorce to be honest. Especially little Alabama – she's probably already hatching a plan to poison them both in their sleep for giving her such a shitty name.

Although divorces can be pretty emotionally gruelling, they usually give each party change to indulge in some of the behaviour they enjoyed before they got married. However, we're hoping that this won't happen to Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler, because their main hobbies seem to include making godawful Stickle-Brick pop punk that only idiots like and beating Paris Hilton up in nightclubs.

OK, so we're only hoping that 50 percent of those things won't happen.

Read more:

Meet the Newly Single Barkers – E! Online