Sexual Napalm - HecklerSpray

John Mayer can’t have known what sort of nightmare he’d stumble into when he called Jessica Simpson ‘sexual napalm’.

But now he knows. Now John Mayer’s going to get his arse handed to him. Worse still, he’s going to get his arse handed to him by Jessica Simpson’s new boyfriend Billy Corgan. And when you’re having your arse handed to you by a wan, squat, snaggle-toothed Count Orlok lookalike whose skin is so pale that it may as well be completely translucent, you know that you’re in trouble.

We’ve just seen the opening salvo of this simmering John Mayer vs Billy Corgan war take place, with Corgan warning Mayer that he’s destroying his own career. Hey Billy, that’s not actually a bad thing! Keep your voice down, you bald idiot!

Jessica Simpson is good at sex. Better than good. She’s amazing at sex. She is, according to John Mayer, sexual napalm.

What’s sexual napalm? The truth is, we just don’t know. We imagine it means that Jessica Simpson’s vagina can cause severe burns, and that anybody within 100 feet of Jessica Simpson when she has sex runs the risk of dying from heat stroke, dehydration, suffocation or smoke inhalation. The trail of Jessica Simpson’s sexual partners, all of whom are now withered Bombenbrandschrumpfleichen-stricken carcasses, are a testament to this.

But anyway, Jessica Simpson is good at sex. And, as she’s told Oprah Winfrey, she wishes that people would shut up about it.

Jessica Simpson: Billy Corgan Gets All ‘Get Yo Hands Offa My Womma’

Jessica Simpson Wishes Nobody Knew How Amazing At Sex She Is