Cynthia Nixon is a lot of things to different people; third favourite character in Sex And The City, postmodern mother, pretend lover, and of late, power lesbian, but recently she’s transitioned from bona fide actress into one trick, famous homosexualist.
We were all shocked when Nixon revealed that she had hitched herself up with a woman after the collapse of her 15 year marriage to a man. And even more shocked when she debuted her brand new baby to us all.
Well set down that cup of coffee and prepare yourself for some of the most absurd news that you will hear today, unless a US congressman tries to say that 9/11 was orchestrated by Phil Mitchell to flush out Michelle and Vicky Fowler. Rumour has it that Vicky is going to be Albert Square’s version of John Connor when Mr. Papadopolous’ Launderette rises up and strikes.
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If someone said ‘Kim Cattrall’ to you, chances are, you wouldn’t know who the shit they were talking about. If they held up a photograph of them, once you’d stopped questioning why they were so keen to get your opinion on something, you’d say “that’s her from Sex And The City and absolutely nothing else!”
Or you might say – “Mannequin. Wasn’t she in that? No idea. Will you please leave me alone now, because I’ve got things to be getting on with.”
Basically, this no-mark actor will forever be thought of as Samantha Jones from SATC and no-one thinks any different, right? Wrong. See, Kim Cattrall is under the impression that the good people of Blighty don’t just view her as being her Sex And The City character. When we do.
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Sex And The City is a show that should have been taken to a public square and flogged to within an inch of its life, leaving only a greasy stain and a pair of expensive shoes. Effectively, the show managed to make womankind look like the most vapid, arrogant, backward idiots ever to walk this awful revolving speck of dust we call our planet.
One of the most jarring characters in the show was dead-eyed, corpse-minge of Samantha as played by Kim Cattrall.
And because us plebs consistently forget that these people are actors, portraying a fictional creation, we’re happy to assume that Kim is exactly the same as her most famous role or, at the very least, people get the two confused… which is why she’s right to be frightened of the dating game.
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The next few weeks see the start of Clearing, as thousands of students will discover which university they’ll attend.
And all of them want to go to Liverpool John Moores University. This is because Kim Cattrall from Sex And The City has just been made a fellow there. Just imagine, sitting next to Kim Cattrall in lectures. Having Kim Cattrall as your housemate. Getting hammered on diluted lager and unsuccessfully trying to feel Kim Cattrall up during fresher’s week and then doing your best to avoid her for the entire three-year course because the pain of rejection is too much for you to take.
What? Kim Cattrall has only been made an honorary fellow at John Moores University, which doesn’t actually mean anything? They may as well have just given her a scroll reading ‘You are famous and we are desperate for attention’? Oh.
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Who’s ready to watch four middle-aged women discuss their vulvas in genuinely uncomfortable detail?
You are? Hooray! Because there’s a new Sex And The City 2 trailer out! Except, wait, no, Sex And The City 2 is a Sex And City movie, so there won’t actually be any of the sex from the TV show in it. But don’t worry – in its place will be lots of endless guff about emotions and feelings, and more eye-bleedingly terrible outfits than you’d think was possible to contain in a single feature-length film. That’s almost the same thing, right?
And as a teaser for all the terrible outfits in the film, the new Sex And The City 2 trailer is filled to the brim with all kinds of cack-handed, impractical, garish, stupid-looking pieces of clothing. But what are the 15 worst outfits to be found in the Sex And The City 2 trailer? Glad you asked. Let’s find out…
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Sex And The City 2 is out next year. Yes, you’re right to be excited. Or dismayed. But mainly excited.
And guess what? There’s a new Sex And The City 2 trailer out! If you’re the sort of person who thinks that drinking pikey cocktails and screeching the word ‘fabulous’ a lot makes up for the fact that you’re a dumpy friendless recruitment consultant from Eastbourne who can’t remember ever experiencing a recognisable human emotion, this is bound to be the best news EVER!
We’ve got the Sex And The City 2 trailer right here for you after the jump. Better yet, we’ve decoded the Sex And The City 2 trailer for you, moment by moment. It’s nothing less than you deserve.
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Entourage has been described as the male Sex and the City.
Strange, considering that Entourage has more wit, talent and imagination in one line of dialogue than Sex and the City had in its entirely overlong, over-hyped, self-indulgent, commercialised, horse-faced, mass-menopausal film.
If you’re not up to speed, the plot basically centres around Hollywood A-lister Vincent Chase (Adrian Grenier) and his tag-alongs. ‘E’ (Kevin Connolly) is Vincent’s manager, Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) is his driver and Drama (Kevin Dillon) is his less successful acting brother. Together, along with the always-modest Ari (Vince’s agent - Jeremy Piven), they try to bag movie roles, women and a good time on a weekly basis.
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Sometimes a piece of news comes along that makes us genuinely confused – people, get ready for that news.
You know Cynthia Nixon from Sex And The City? She’s got fans. Actual fans. Not people who say that they like her to be ironic, or because they think that liking Sarah Jessica Parker would be too obvious. She’s got fans. The sort of hysterical logic-defying fans who’d storm onto the set of Sex And The City 2 just so they can be close to her.
It’s weird. But at least they weren’t Kim Cattrall fans. That would have really freaked us out.
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