Articles tagged with: sex addiction
David Duchovny Splits Up With His Wife, For Some Reason
One of the biggest impediments to being a froth-faced sex addict is probably marriage - so congratulations are due to David Duchovny today. Why? Because it's been announced that sex addict David Duchovny and his wife Tea Leoni have separated, and have been separated for months. Phew! Now, when David Duchovny has you pushed into a corner with a hand down his knickers and a tongue that he's trying to ram all the way inside your ear, you won't have to think "Wait a minute, aren't you married to the woman from Jurassic Park 3? What will she make of all this?" This separation is obviously the best thing for all involved - David Duchovny gets to lead the free and easy single life that he craves, Tea Leoni won't have to worry that her husband has strayed and their children will no longer fear stumbling across their father masturbating frantically to a coffee stain shaped a bit like a bra. Everyone's a winner.
One of the biggest impediments to being a froth-faced sex addict is probably marriage - so congratulations are due to David Duchovny today. Why? Because it's been announced that sex addict David Duchovny and his wife Tea Leoni have separated, and have been separated for months. Phew! Now, when David Duchovny has you pushed into a corner with a hand down his knickers and a tongue that he's trying to ram all the way inside your ear, you won't have to think "Wait a minute, aren't you married to the woman from Jurassic Park 3? What will she make of all this?" This separation is obviously the best thing for all involved - David Duchovny gets to lead the free and easy single life that he craves, Tea Leoni won't have to worry that her husband has strayed and their children will no longer fear stumbling across their father masturbating frantically to a coffee stain shaped a bit like a bra. Everyone's a winner.
Huzzah! David Duchovny Isn’t Addicted To The Sex Any More!
The world was dangerous back when David Duchovny was a sex addict - you couldn't walk the streets for fear of Duchovny trying to jam his tongue in your ear. But relax, because now comes the news we've all been waiting for - David Duchovny has been cured of his sex addiction! According to a statement released yesterday, David Duchovny has left his sex addict rehab and is back functioning in society as a normal human being with a depressingly watery libido. It still hasn't been made clear what form David Duchovny's sex addiction treatment took, but we hear that he's had an implant fitted inside him that, whenever he feels a slight sensation of arousal, causes one of his testicles to inflate to the size of a bus, glow bright red and play I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd at ear-splitting volume. So he won't be going to the swimming pool on Senior Aquarobics afternoon any time in a hurry, that's for sure.
The world was dangerous back when David Duchovny was a sex addict - you couldn't walk the streets for fear of Duchovny trying to jam his tongue in your ear. But relax, because now comes the news we've all been waiting for - David Duchovny has been cured of his sex addiction! According to a statement released yesterday, David Duchovny has left his sex addict rehab and is back functioning in society as a normal human being with a depressingly watery libido. It still hasn't been made clear what form David Duchovny's sex addiction treatment took, but we hear that he's had an implant fitted inside him that, whenever he feels a slight sensation of arousal, causes one of his testicles to inflate to the size of a bus, glow bright red and play I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd at ear-splitting volume. So he won't be going to the swimming pool on Senior Aquarobics afternoon any time in a hurry, that's for sure.
David Duchovny Turns To Russell Brand For Advice On How To Stop Rogering Ladies
David Duchovny once starred in a grown-up edition of the popular kiddy ghost-chasing show Scooby Doo where he played agent Fox Mulder. With the help of his strangely attractive assistant Scully, they often found themselves in all sorts of situations where trees ate traffic lights and dolls controlled entire villages. Once the show ended, the duo failed to appear in any sort of credible TV show. Gillian Anderson even lowered herself to star in a film with cockney bellend Danny Dyer. But David Duchovny literally dropped off the radar altogether. He hadn’t died, though; instead he turned all his attention to having lots of sex. So much that he is now officially addicted to it. Instead of placing a thin line of cement over his spitting cobra, he decided that rehab was a better option to solve his problem. And now it turns out that 'rehab' at least partially involves reading Russell Brand's book.
David Duchovny once starred in a grown-up edition of the popular kiddy ghost-chasing show Scooby Doo where he played agent Fox Mulder. With the help of his strangely attractive assistant Scully, they often found themselves in all sorts of situations where trees ate traffic lights and dolls controlled entire villages. Once the show ended, the duo failed to appear in any sort of credible TV show. Gillian Anderson even lowered herself to star in a film with cockney bellend Danny Dyer. But David Duchovny literally dropped off the radar altogether. He hadn’t died, though; instead he turned all his attention to having lots of sex. So much that he is now officially addicted to it. Instead of placing a thin line of cement over his spitting cobra, he decided that rehab was a better option to solve his problem. And now it turns out that 'rehab' at least partially involves reading Russell Brand's book.
David Duchovny Only Addicted To Sex With His Lovely Wife
Fact - when a man admits to a sex addiction, it's because his wife caught him half a foot up another woman and he's trying to appease her. Unless, it appears, you're David Duchovny. Although he's currently being treated for sex addiction in what we expect to be the stickiest, smelliest rehab facility in the world, a friend of David Duchovny has come forward to point out that at no point did David ever cheat on his wife with another woman. That means, scientifically, that either David Duchovny did a bunch of rude things with vegetables or... or... Or David Duchovny is addicted to having sex with his own wife. The bloody pervert. Castration's too good for him. David Duchovny, you're a big fat embarrassment to mankind.
Fact - when a man admits to a sex addiction, it's because his wife caught him half a foot up another woman and he's trying to appease her. Unless, it appears, you're David Duchovny. Although he's currently being treated for sex addiction in what we expect to be the stickiest, smelliest rehab facility in the world, a friend of David Duchovny has come forward to point out that at no point did David ever cheat on his wife with another woman. That means, scientifically, that either David Duchovny did a bunch of rude things with vegetables or... or... Or David Duchovny is addicted to having sex with his own wife. The bloody pervert. Castration's too good for him. David Duchovny, you're a big fat embarrassment to mankind.
