Family Guy may well be one of the most dismal programmes ever aired on a television anywhere on Earth, but that didn’t stop Seth MacFarlane scraping the barrel even further with the miserable American Dad and further still with the joy-vacuum of The Cleveland Show.

Quite an impressive feat you might think. How on Earth is it possible to make something more grating and unfunny as Family Guy?

Well, unbelievably, he’s going to top all of that when he takes over, revamps and utterly sullies one of the greatest animated series in television – The Flintstones. And you thought that the live action flick with John Goodman was bad!

Yes indeed, MacFarlane will apparently be giving a 21st century spin to the already perfect ’60s comedy series, invariably turning Fred Flintstone, Wilma, Barney and Betty Rubble, into quirky, off-beat characters, into boorish, cut-away obsessed, hateful creations.

That said, MacFarlane is a fan:

“The very first cartoon character I drew at age two was Fred Flintstone”

“So it’s appropriate that events have come full circle, allowing me to produce the newest incarnation of this great franchise. Plus, I think America is finally ready for an animated sitcom about a fat, stupid guy with a wife who’s too good for him”

Production (or, as it is being referred to in some circles, The Death Of Humour) will be starting in the fall of 2011 and will most likely end up polluting our screens in 2013.

That gives us two years to decide whether to end the lives of those involved or simply partake in a mass-suicide.*

*Please note, this is quite clearly a melodramatic response to a situation, used for comedic effect. So, if you’re a lawyer or a basketcase who briefly took it seriously, please go and stand in a darkened room, count to ten, think about your life and then, should you see fit, kill yourself.**

**Please note, this is further use of melodrama, used for comedic effect. Seriously, stop trying to kill yourself or other people to then pin the blame on us. Idiot.

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Bringing you your weekly DVD review goodness in a sickening double helping this week. We take a look at Mel Gibson’s latest relentless tirade, and that Seth MacFarlane cartoon about the family with the talking animal - no, not that one, the other one.

Edge of Darkness has Mel Gibson returning to our screens as an actor for the first time since the M Night Shagalamb frighter Signs. Weathered, bitter, and definitely not demonstrating his uncanny ability for diverse insults as much as he could, Mel isn’t quite back in action.

What we do get is a pretty clinical conspiracy romp that has does contain a string of decent performances, shock moments and Hollywood’s most evil bastards – no, we’re not talking about Mel.

Edge of Darkness is actually something of a gratuitous movie when it comes to the action; the shooting itself that sends Mel on a path of revenge certainly makes for an early shocking beat. It works, and Martin Campbell can handle the action, having previously reinvigorated the Bond franchise on two occasions.

But don’t mistake this for an action movie. It isn’t. There are certainly beats to the story that make for some decent spectacle, and given Mel’s age he certainly flings himself around without consideration for his hips, but it’s the conspiracy behind an evil corporation (boo!) that drives the story.

Danny Huston is the face of said company, managing to combine his ability to look like the inflated gas of a thousand cows/Gordon Brown with serpentine mannerisms that crawl under the skin. He does his duty here, again managing to become that person you want our hero to kick several shades of anything out of. There’s no real guesswork as to who the villain is, it’s clearly signposted from the off. It doesn’t make his eventual comeuppance any less joyful, thanks to Huston’s horrible persona.

Ray Winstone also brings his ‘The Daddy’ charm as a penitent assassin, a character whose motives aren’t fully revealed until the end. Yet, although the story is fairly slow, often hanging on one specific piece of the puzzle for too long, the performances make for an overall decent thriller. See, in between hilariously insulting diatribes, Mel’s a pretty decent actor.

American Dad, on the other hand, is full of hilariously insulting diatribes. Stan Smith and family are all back, delivering their usual charm and an unrelentless gag-rate that doesn’t always hit but never leaves you feeling disappointed. It also is slightly less derivative than Family Guy, refraining from relying on random cutaway laughs.

Volume 5 – or Season 4 part 2, depending on your understanding on how series work in America – doesn’t really shake-up the formula much. The shift has focused away somewhat from Stan’s CIA escapades and his Republican sensibilities, focusing on, well, anything really. We have episodes involving Roger the Alien posing as the German fish, Klaus, to inherit some insurance money; Stan building a DeLorean and Roger cheating on the Smiths with another family – just some of the ‘wacky’ scenarios you can expect from this outlandish series.

It is amazing to note that after four series, the show is still going strong. Why it may not have the overwhelming popularity of Family Guy, or even that of The Cleveland Show, in many ways it is far superior. It takes bigger potshots at current affairs (when it wants to) and manages to funnier than the latter in many ways. The characters, while initially seeming like they came out of the MacFarlane assembly line, are actually more rounded than those from his other shows. They have more in common with that of The Simpsons than they do the Griffins. Steve, Stan and Francine are more relatable, often touching on real problems that families face, much like The Simpsons. Also like The Simpsons, it has an annoying activist daughter that nobody in the audience cares about.

We’d go as far to say that, while Family Guy’s quality has managed to dip of late, American Dad has flourished into one of the better animated efforts around. Sure, it’s completely puerile, sexist and occasionally racist, but it always proves one thing: Patrick Stewart is a lot funnier with a script.

‘Spray Ratings:

Edge of Darkness: 3/5

American Dad Vol. 5: 4/4

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Seth MacFarlane is one of television animation’s most pioneering innovators.

He gave us that programme about the family with the talking animal and the overly intellectual baby. Then there’s that other programme that just started with the family, a talking animal and an intellectual baby except this time they’re black – genius!

If one thing is certain, it’s that American Dad bucks the trend. Sure, it has an American family and a talking animal, but this time there’s an alien. To celebrate the release of American Dad Volume 5 on DVD, we’ve compiled together some of the show’s most audacious quotes.

We would have loved to have put video with it but Fox wouldn’t let us, so instead we’ve provided pictures that you can cut out and animate yourself while repeating the dialogue out loud. Honestly, we’re too kind. Check it out after the jump…

10. When Francine misses the taste of greasy food, anything goes. Not anything, just what seems funny. A cute toaster wouldn’t have had quite the same effect.

Francine Smith: “Aww, what a cute little bunny! I’m going to pop you straight in the deep frier!”

9. Do you know what we love about this quote? Seriously. That was a question!

Avery Bullock : “A machine that turns water into cocaine… I’ll just hold onto this…”

8. Women take a lot of shit in cartoons but they are always the worst characters as well, so it’s justified.

Francine: “You ruined everything!”
Stan: “Everything? (Imitates police siren) Oh, that’s the Hyperbole Police coming to take you away, and lock you up in Exaggeration-traz. I think I made my point. Eloquent.”

7. So much innuendo here that we’re just going to ignore it.

Avery Bullock : (To Stan, after riding him) “Silence, man-horse!”

6. Did you know that Steve Smith is voiced by Scott Grimes? He played Malarky in Band of Brothers. That knowledge alone makes this show 14.7% better.

Steve Smith: “Did anyone else get a boner when Akiko slapped me?”

5. German stereotypes, you can’t beat them. Probably because they’re true. That’s why Klaus is so unfunny through most of the show.

Klaus: “We have a saying in Germany… Don’t blame the fish!  But then we have other sayings too, mostly involving genocide.”

4. How do you make a comical alien in a hit animation show funnier? Make him gay. See, this show tackles social boundaries as well.

Roger: (On the computer) “Fine! If I can’t get to know Jeff in person, then I’ll develop a relationship with him like fat people do. Through the internet!”

3. The last three quotes we’ve picked all relate to vaginas. We’re childish like that.

Stan: “I’m… I’m not gay. Sure, Francine’s bat-cave grosses me out once in a while…”

2. Roger decides to finally confront fruit’s biggest taboo.

Roger: (When holding up a pomegranate) “Look at this thing, it’s like a woman’s baby cannon.”

1. And finally we decide to use a quote that insults the fairer sex. If we didn’t know better, we’d say that this show just objectifies women. Oh, wait, it does… and that’s why we love it.

Stan Smith: “Son (Steve), feelings are what women have. They come from their ovaries.”

For more hilarious quotes like these ones you just done gone and read, check out American Dad Volume 5 which is available from 14 June.

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FlashForward is Channel 5′s hot new US TV show that literally some people are talking about.

The writers of FlashForward came up with the idea while cleaning their kitchen surfaces and thought to themselves, “Goodness! I wish I could fast-forward this arduous task!” A two minute pause followed. “Hold on…Flash kitchen cleaner, Fast-Forward…..FlashForward!”

Handily, that’s also the premise of this new Lost-esque sort of sci-fi, but definitely action/drama, genre series.

Everyone across the world loses consciousness for two minutes, sees a glimpse of their future, and then wakes up. The writers decided not to wake up, but instead bring FlashForward to the present for us all to see, signal permitting, on Five.

Joseph Fiennes plays serious agent Mark Benford of the F-ing B.I. It’s not all plain sailing though we’re afraid; he’s also a recovering alcoholic. Jack “For everything else there’s Mastercard” Davenport is also starring, along with Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane. A veritable feast of people you sort of recognise but aren’t really sure why.

In reality, it is safe to say that most people would wake up from this two-minute premonition with their face in jelly, on their keyboard, or on the floor of WH Smiths. But in US TV world, most if not all aeroplanes have fallen from the sky, Big Ben’s clock face is on fire for no discernible reason, and yet we bet the bloody X Factor would still be on.

If you already watch Five’s only decent programme (that’s The Gadget Show, not Fort Boyard), FlashForward is on immediately afterwards, so you might as well watch it, eh?

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When Joanie loved Chachi it lasted exactly 17 episodes. When Frasier loved Niles it lasted even longer-ish.

When Skeletor remembered he had a mentor that had long ago been locked on another planet with He-Man's sister, it was like a steel-toed boot to the nethers. But that's just the risk of a spin off, now isn't it? You think you've got a great product, but then Hordak shows up and kicks you in the jellies.

Unless the spin-off of which you speak belongs to Cleveland Brown of Family Guy fame. He, apparently, is on the threshold of carrying his own show.

Family Guy, the show that occasionally battles the Simpsons, gets featured in video games and sometimes returns from the dead, is gonna be torn in two like an earth worm who's bottom half is getting it's own television spinoff.

Wikipedia is wise and knows all things, let us then consult it for further enlightenment on these matters:

"During a live broadcast of "Loveline," Seth MacFarlane announced that a spin-off featuring Cleveland was currently in the works with the studio and writers."

The Hollywood Reporter seems quite knowledgeable about the whole thing too:

"The project, tentatively titled "Cleveland," is being written by "Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane, Mike Henry — who voices Cleveland and serves as writer-producer on the series — and "The Simpsons" alum Rich Appel, executive producer/showrunner on MacFarlane's other animated comedy for Fox, "American Dad.""

Now if we had our pick as to spin-offs we'd like to see, Mike Seaver's gym coach would take a low-paying job in California, thus having to move his entire giant family out there for weekly antics-galore. Also we'd have a show called Joey.

He'd move to California too.

Read More:

"Cleveland" On Map As "Family Guy" Spin-Off – Reuters