Look. Look at those Muppet swine. Legless, non-blinking, fix-faced idiots. They are responsible for the moral decay of the entire world, thanks mostly to everyone being despairingly angry about the existence of Muppet Babies.
Worse than the fact Kermit walks around naked all the time, is their awful, awful agenda.
And thank God Fox is on hand to point out how EVIL all the collected Muppets really are. That’s right! hecklerspray and Fox are onto you Henson spawn! We know what you’re up to! When you’re not pushing porn songs at everyone, you’ve got a political agenda to BRAINWASH our innocent little children’s minds with! You ain’t fooling us anymore, you cute little ghoulish lefties!
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Those Muppets are pretty sweet, wholesome things aren’t they? They’re all cute and furry and funnier than a politician falling down a manhole. They’ll never get involved in any sex scandals or anything like that… not like stupid human celebs.
BUT WAIT! WHAT’S THIS?!
There’s a big ol’ link from The Muppets to soft core Italian porn! What’s going on? Are all our dreams about to be ruined? Are we actually going to start getting aroused by the new Muppets movie?! Let us explain…
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Sesame Street. Not nearly as innocent as you think. Seriously. It should be called Sesmutty Street after they threw a load of sexy filth at the eyes of the world’s children, presumably getting big furry erections and laughing at our outrage.
The official line on all of this is that the Sesame Street YouTube channel got taken offline after hackers uploaded pornographic videos.
Big Bird, Elmo and Co. are ruthlessly blaming it on some hacker called ‘Mredxwx’. Mr Ed himself has come out and said it isn’t him, mainly because his hooves and computer keyboards don’t get on. However, we can exclusively reveal that Sesame Street is, and always has been, absolute filth.
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Yes, yes… it’s all very well being cynical and cool all the time because it means that you never have to go out on a limb and say you like something that someone else may point out is entirely gash… but sometimes you really have to.
And surely even the most cold-hearted gitwurst couldn’t fail to be thawed by the antics of the characters on Sesame Street and The Muppet Show?
As such, there’s a new film out which looks really good that will make everyone on Earth cry tears of emotional joy all down their face. Ladies and Non-Ladies, let us point you in the direction of the trailer for the splendid looking Being Elmo.
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Remember Fraggle Rock? Do you? Oooooh! Yes! There was… uh… Wembley. Red. The one in the dressing gown. Um. Those little fellas who had scaffolding made from sugar or something. And then there was the giant lummox with the allotment. And… er… Marjory the Trash Heap.
Oh, and if you watched it in the UK, there was that weirdo who lived in a lighthouse with his jaded canine.
What memories. What fuzzy, vague memories often brought about by the singing of the theme tune, especially when the lyrics were made dirty, swinging a Fraggle by its cock. Salad days. Salad days which could well be utterly ruined by the inclusion of the Scissor Sisters. What now?
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Katy Perry can’t dodge controversy at the moment can she? When she’s not watching her spindly husband half-heartedly attacking photographers, she’s trying to give Elmo from Sesame Street and erection.
Yes indeed, Perry has caused a bit of fuss after showing the top bit of her boobs on a children’s show, prompting most people in the world to wonder why the top half of someone’s breasts are more problematic than say, having Piers Morgan’s face on-screen at any given point or allowing children to walk around a world that willingly has Sarah Silverman in it.
Perry has responded to the whole incident by getting them out on Saturday Night Live, which somehow, has got her a cameo spot on The Simpsons (that’s when you know you’ve made it). Read More >>>
While everyone fawns over Yo! Gabba Gabba! for mixing pop-culture with education, Sesame Street continues to do what it always did – mix pop culture and education. Basically, Sesame Street is one of the finest things that TV ever aired and only a stone-hearted, joyless mule-headed git would suggest otherwise.
REM, Smokey Robinson, LL Cool J, Destiny’s Child, Paul Simon, Stevie Wonder and Johnny Cash have all appeared on the street to sing and play.
The latest star to sign-up and perform was Katy Perry who has a boyfriend called Russell Brand who kinda kicked a photographer up the arse or something quite recently. However, Katy’s appearance may not make it on to television because it’s too sexy. Read More >>>
There’s not many things that can plaster a great big dribbling grin on your face, quite like the theme tune to Sesame Street can. Everything about the show is brilliant from top to bottom. That’s why anyone who is famous wants to appear on it. Johnny Cash, Stevie Wonder, John Candy, Tom Hanks and C3PO have all stepped foot on the famous street.
So who might be next?
Well, Sesame Street is not a show to disappoint as they’ve lined up some seriously famous faces along with some ace segments that’ll lampoon shows that are squarely aimed at adults who still tune in. Read More >>>
