Hello, heckler tits.

We’ve had a few technical problems today which will no doubt have left you clamouring for your sarcy gossip fix. Have no fear! We’ll be back tomorrow, trying to explain away the link between Justin Bieber, Hayley Duff and a small tabby cat called mittens.

We’ll have ‘Creased or Folded?’, this week’s Badvertising as well as a terrifying glimpse into the dark and sinister depths of Kim Kardashian’s reproductive organs. How could you not be excited about that?

We’ll also have your letters, so there’s plenty of time to fill our inbox with your affected dribblings.

Facebook, the social networking site that knows just a little too much about you (like some sort of creepy stalker that waits until you’re wandering down an alleyway, alone, at night to creep up behind you and strike), crashed for something like 2 hours. Apparently this is news.

I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say the streets literally ran red with blood after people realised they couldn’t access the online behemoth and took to the streets in a horrifying and violent rage. What’s that you say? Only a few people on Twitter and Tumblr cared enough to mention it? Oh…

Apparently this online apathy wasn’t indicative of public opinion, as the BBC found this story good enough to report on, it must have been a very slow news day. Admittedly this report was posted on the BBC’s Newsbeat web page, which acts as a news service for some of Britain’s thickest teenagers.

One user, who hasn’t quite grasped the concept of Facebook being the market leader, said:

“Facebook constantly has problems. There are so many social networking sites, people will just go to something else.”

No love, they won’t. Facebook is all there is. Even the new open-sourced social networking site Diaspora, which actively states all your details will remain totally secret, doesn’t look like it’ll manage to slow the Facebook Freight train, mainly because you have to pay for hosting your page or, “seed,” and let’s be honest, asking people to check out your seed sounds a bit sexual harassmenty.

Nevertheless, Facebook said that there was apparently a software flaw that caused the downtime and that it was in no way related to internet pranksters 4chan, despite the fact some users on the infamous /b/ board tried to claim responsibility for the attack.

Meanwhile, the BBC says it plans to report on a dog that can sit on command as well as an in depth, undercover report on the fact that it might rain tomorrow.

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Hello all. Some of you may have seen the quickly-deleted post we published yesterday informing you that hecklerspray wouldn’t be working today. Well, look, it is. Woo.

Our scheduled server switch got nudged back a few hours, which is why we managed to sneak a handful of glorious stories up today. However, we are definitely changing our server this weekend, and that means that hecklerspray might be inaccessible from time to time over the next couple of days.

Don’t worry, though, because we’ll be back in full working order on Monday. And, as a kind of apology, here is THE SINGLE GREATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO YOU WILL EVER SEE:

See you on Monday.