Just because David Beckham earns about £400 billion every second, it doesn’t mean you can go around pinching his things.

That’s the sorry lesson learnt by Eric and June Emmett, two of the human beings that David and Victoria Beckham employ as house slaves. According to reports, the Emmetts have been taken into custody for allegedly half-inching property belonging to the Beckhams and selling it on eBay.

It just goes to show that when you’re as famous as the Beckhams are, you can’t trust anyone – not even your own staff. It’s not so much the fact that the Emmetts allegedly stole football shirts and designer dresses that upset the Beckhams but, now that the household copy of The Little Red Hen Goes To Town has been swiped, David’s reading ability is bound to be set back weeks, if not months.

Everyone steals things. Maybe it’s sweets, maybe it’s ideas, maybe it’s top secret government documents, but everyone definitely has at one point or another stolen something. Us? We’ve got a nice little stationery-stealing racket going. Unfortunately, we only steal when we’re working from home, which means we’re basically just stealing from ourselves. Conversely, we’re going to give ourselves a final written notice if we ever catch ourselves doing it again, so we have to do it carefully when we’re not looking.

Anyway, if you were working for David and Victoria Beckham, you’d definitely steal something from them, wouldn’t you? They both earn enough to be able to replace whatever trinkets you took, and their home contents are bound to be covered by plenty of insurance. No, you’d definitely steal from David and Victoria Beckham. But you wouldn’t put the stolen goods on eBay where everyone can see them. Only the worst kind of dribble-skulled, honking dimwit would think about doing something as obviously stupid as that.

So let’s introduce you to Eric and June Emmett, two of the Beckhams’ servants who allegedly stole their stuff and sold it on eBay. E! Online reports:

Per U.K. reports, the purported thieves, 55-year-old Eric Emmett and his 56-year-old wife, June, have been working at the $22 million “Beckhingham Palace” for more a decade. The staffers supposedly swiped soccer jerseys and boots belonging to Becks, as well as designer dresses worn by the erstwhile Posh Spice. The memorabilia was then put up for sale on the auction site, raking in thousands of dollars.

According to reports, David and Victoria Beckham only got wise to this alleged pilfering when Victoria Beckham’s parents saw the items on eBay being sold by a seller called Posh & Becks.

The Emmetts deny all charges but, just to reiterate, they’re accused of stealing valuable and sentimental items from the home of David and Victoria Beckham and not just selling them on eBay where it’s easy to trace the seller, but selling them under the one name that anybody associated with the Beckhams would search eBay for if they were looking for stolen Beckham goods.

No wonder David and Victoria Beckham don’t want to employ the Emmetts any longer. It’s not because they’ve destroyed the bond of trust that exists between servant and master, but because – if these charges are true – it sounds like they’re so stupid that it’s only a matter of time before they take Romeo‘s eye out with a strimmer.

Rob Lowe will do just about anything to make people forget that he used to be an alcoholic who'd film himself shagging young girls.

So far these efforts have included an advert for the California tourist board and the TV show Brothers And Sisters, but neither worked – because a) he's not really very recognisable these days and b) it's Brothers And Sisters, for God's sake. Who'd watch that?

So instead Rob Lowe has tried a different tactic – he's suing all of his employees. And rightly so, because we know we'd rather go down in history as the man who sued people for having sex on our bed, finding us attractive and swearing at them for being the bloke from Brothers And Sisters.

Rob Lowe's decision-making process has long fascinated us, mostly because it's so flipping demented. Here's a man who, moments before having sex with an underage girl, thought "hold on, I'd better film this," a man who agreed to sing a toe-curling duet with Snow White at the Oscars, a man who – and this is just sick – is in Brother And Sisters.

However, it gets worse. Rob Lowe has got in a strop about two of his former nannies and an ex-chef. Fair enough – sometimes staff can be genuinely difficult, like when Robert De Niro's maid stole all his stuff – but that doesn't seem to be the case with Rob Lowe. Instead, Rob Lowe is suing them for a million dollars for all kind of reasons – vaguely involving extortion of some kind – with the main focus being on one former nanny in particular. People reports:

"In a 26-page complaint against the longtime former nanny, Lowe's lawyers say the woman claimed to have 'a personal and intimate relationship (with Lowe), and, in effect, accusing Rob Lowe of infidelity'. On at least one occasion, the nanny 'bragged' about giving Lowe a massage during a trip with the Lowe family, according to court papers. (The couple claims it never happened.) The woman also allegedly claimed that Lowe sexually harassed her and that Sheryl Lowe was an 'overly demanding' and 'abusive' employer, who made 'inappropriate comments of a sexual and racial nature' to her."

A million dollars for 'lying' about a massage? That's pretty heavy-going. However, if the claims are true then it sounds as if a million dollars is a fair price – because we'd imagine you'd have to crack on to Rob Lowe pretty heavily for him to stop rubbing oil into his own nipples while staring at himself in a mirror and winking long enough to actually notice you.

As for the other ex-nanny and the ex-chef, Rob Lowe alleges that one had sex on his bed, stole medicine from his bathroom and broke some security cameras, while the other one swore a bit sometimes.

Actually, whether or not Rob Lowe has a valid case against any of these people here isn't the most important question. The most important question is what a two-bit TV actor like Rob Lowe needs all these servants for. He's not exactly A-list, is he?

On the other hand, maybe Rob Lowe does need some extra help around the house. Those dishes aren't going to wash themselves, are they? Not while he spends all day pouting into the back of a spoon and imagining how great it'd be to kiss himself. 

Which is how we imagine Rob Lowe spends all his free time.

Read more:

Rob Lowe Sues Former Nanny, Claims She Had a Crush on Him – People