If we were to believe Hollywood, we’d think cops are tough, wise-cracking, crazy bastards who would risk life and pension just to keep the streets safe from filthy criminals. If we were to believe Hollywood, we’d think cops are actually cool people. If we were to believe Hollywood, we would have faith in them to get the job done.

But this is not Hollywood, dammit! And cops are far from cool people who get the job done. In fact, in hecklerspray’s limited experience of dealing with the police, we generally find them obnoxious, pedantic, donut-munching, lazy, fat, pompous, pain-in-the arse, stupid, docile, boring motherfuckers. And that’s just the good ones.

So why do we like them so much? Is it because they’re generally the ones who ‘don’t play by the rules’. Not that anyone has ever explained what the goddamn game is, let alone what the stupid rules are.

Besides, we’d hate a cop who didn’t play by the rules in real life.

So it must be because they do what we all would love to do – deal out our own kind of rough justice on real ‘evil-doers’. Plus, they do it with a witty one-liner. Perfect! Maybe there’s a homicidal cop in all of us. What a frightening thought.

10. Axel Foley

Films: Beverley Hills Cop series (1984-1994)

Eddie Murphy is on top form as the wise-cracking Detroit cop who goes to LA to avenge the death of his friend. Along with Trading Places, without doubt, his best film

9. Frank Serpico (1973)

Film: Serpico

Al Pacino as the cop who could not be bought is simply brilliant

8. Popeye Doyle

Films: The French Connection series (1971-1975)

Gene Hackman’s New York cop is bigoted, aggressive, reckless and likes a drink. Actually, he’s just like the average policeman

7. Bullitt

Film: Bullitt (1968)

OK, if policemen drove around in that car and looked like Steve McQueen, they would be cool too.

6. Robocop

Film: Robocop series (1987-1993)

Now if cops really were gun-slinging robots the world would be a better place. I’d buy that for a dollar.

5. The Lieutenant

Film: Bad Lieutenant (1992)

Harvey Keitel is a compulsive gambler, snorts coke seconds after dropping his kids off at school and wanks off in front of teenage girls. Have cops ever been that interesting

4. Detective Lt. William Somerset

Film: Se7en (1995)

An intelligent and considered police officer who seems to know how to solve crimes – he should be bottled

3. Martin Riggs

Films: Lethal Weapon series (1987-1998)

Remember when Mel Gibson was normal? Great film.

2. John McClane

Films: Die Hard series (1988-2007)

Using a car to destroy a helicopter was taking the series a little bit too far, but the first three are real treats.

1. Harry Callahan

Film: Dirty Harry (1971)

There really can we be only one winner. No argument.