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Sequel

Blade Runner 2: Written By Someone Who Probably Needs A Slap

by Stuart Heritage

We’ve never met Travis Wright, but we imagine that he hates you – otherwise he wouldn’t be deliberately provoking you like this.

You see, Travis Wright is one of the writers of Eagle Eye – the movie that’s top of the American box office despite looking like it was crapped out by a puppy with a gammy tummy – and for his next trick he says he’s working on a script for Blade Runner 2.

Obviously Travis Wright writing a Blade Runner 2 script is a terrible idea. Not because of the important cultural significance of the original or anything, though. No, we’re dead against the idea of Blade Runner 2 for one reason and one reason only – it’ll probably end up having bloody Shia LaBeouf in it, won’t it.

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Batman 3 is Coming Out Soon! No, Wait – ‘Not’ Soon.

by Ian Dransfield

It looks like there’s going to be a fair wait until Batman 3 pops its fat head out for us all to see. The sequel to the Best Film Ever(tm) that has made more money than the GDP of many African nations combined, The Dark Knight, will get a sequel at some point. On one [...]

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Lethal Weapon 5: They Really, Really Are Too Old For This… Stuff

by Ian Dransfield

Never let it be said that we of hecklerspray are ever anything but right all the time. ALL THE TIME*. Just as we say, non-stop, that Hollywood has run out of ideas – reporting on the Goonies sequel, The Smurfs movie (Lindsay Lohan‘s role as ‘Big Lesbian Smurf’ still unconfirmed) and the fear we all [...]

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The Goonies 2: Will it be Funny to See a Fully-Grown Man Truffle Shuffling?

by Ian Dransfield

Do we really need to see a grown man truffle shuffle? That’s the question that has been buzzing around in our heads for the past few hours after news that there’s a distinct chance that the Goonies 2 film, rumoured for so very long, is actually in the early stages of real, bona-fide production. And [...]

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Sex And The City Sequel Depressingly Confirmed

by Matthew Laidlow

When we heard that four bloodsucking zombie-like creatures were going to be involved in a film revolving around seducing men, you could say we were vaguely interested.

At first we assumed it would be a modern day version of the classic Greek myth about Medusa and her ability to turn anyone into stone. Making it all postmodern and setting in New York meant a whole host of terror could be inflicted on a city that King Kong and the Cloverfield monster had both already ravaged.

But we got the wrong end of the stick and were in for a shock when we discovered what the film was about. The wicked witches of New York – otherwise known as Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda from Sex And The City – had somehow slithered on to the big screen to torture cinemagoers everywhere. And, after just getting over this initial shitfest, our blood pressure has soared again – we’ve learnt that a sequel has just been commissioned.

When we heard that four bloodsucking zombie-like creatures were going to be involved in a film revolving around seducing men, you could say we were vaguely interested. At first we assumed it would be a modern day version of the classic Greek myth about Medusa and her ability to turn anyone into stone. Making it all postmodern and setting in New York meant a whole host of terror could be inflicted on a city that King Kong and the Cloverfield monster had both already ravaged. But we got the wrong end of the stick and were in for a shock when we discovered what the film was about. The wicked witches of New York - otherwise known as Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda from Sex And The City - had somehow slithered on to the big screen to torture cinemagoers everywhere. And, after just getting over this initial shitfest, our blood pressure has soared again - we’ve learnt that a sequel has just been commissioned.
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Michael Moore Throws Another Tantrum About Bush On Film

by Stuart Heritage

Michael Moore is getting ready to make another film about his favourite subject – no not cake, you horribly offensive fool, we mean President Bush.

According to reports, Michael Moore is preparing ground to make a sequel to his 2004 anti-George Bush documentary Fahrenheit 9/11. The new movie has a working title of Fahrenheit 9/11 1/2, although it’s expected that Michael Moore will formally change it to Fahrenheit 9/11: Nyer Nyer Nyer I Was Right All Along Let’s Hear It For Michael Moore I’m The Best I’m The Best nearer the release date.

Anyway, will this new Michael Moore documentary succeed where Fahrenheit 9/11 failed and push George Bush out of office for good? Even better than that – George Bush is going to stop being president about six months before Moore’s film is released. Hooray! Another righteous victory for Michael Moore!

Michael Moore is getting ready to make another film about his favourite subject - no not cake, you horribly offensive fool, we mean President Bush. According to reports, Michael Moore is preparing ground to make a sequel to his 2004 anti-George Bush documentary Fahrenheit 9/11. The new movie has a working title of Fahrenheit 9/11 1/2, although it's expected that Michael Moore will formally change it to Fahrenheit 9/11: Nyer Nyer Nyer I Was Right All Along Let's Hear It For Michael Moore I'm The Best I'm The Best nearer the release date. Anyway, will this new Michael Moore documentary succeed where Fahrenheit 9/11 failed and push George Bush out of office for good? Even better than that - George Bush is going to stop being president about six months before Moore's film is released. Hooray! Another righteous victory for Michael Moore!
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Iron Man 2: The Painfully Inevitable Sequel, Coming Soon

by Stuart Heritage

So by now everyone on the face of the planet, even those who are blind or can’t afford to eat, have seen Iron Man.

With an opening weekend box office tally of $100 million, the list of records that Iron Man has broken is either stupendous or utterly, utterly dull depending on if you’re a massive spod or not. And if you are, then the news that Iron Man 2 is coming out in April 2010 will probably make your balls catch on fire.

What? You’d already guessed that based on the fact that the plot of Iron Man deliberately set up a sequel and that the entire Iron Man cast has signed on for a sequel and that Iron Man’s a comic book movie and only really hopeless comic book movies about Ben Affleck being all blind and shit don’t get turned into sequels? Oh, suit yourselves.

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The Vaguest X-Files Sequel Talk You’ll Ever Hear

by Stuart Heritage

The first X-Files movie left all kinds of questions unanswered – questions like ‘what’s going on?’ ‘when can I go home?’ and ‘is this what my life has really come to?’.

So it was always inevitable that an X-Files sequel would be on the cards. And it just so happens that one’s coming out in a few months. But nobody has the foggiest clue about what it’ll actually be about.

But that’s where X-Files sequel director Chris Carter and screenwriter Frank Spotnitz come in. They’ve decided to spill the beans about the X-Files sequel without actually mentioning anything that’s going to happen in it at all. Still interested? Yes? Well that’s fairly depressing.

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Cloverfield: The Soul-Crushing Sequel Yammer

by Stuart Heritage

Now that Cloverfield – AKA The Blair Godzilla Project – has broken box office records, the time has inevitably come to talk sequels even though nobody really wants to see one.

Even though it’s only been out for less than a week, it’s been reported that a Cloverfield sequel is already in the works, with director Matt Reeves already brimming with ideas on how to gobble up every last penny explore every last creative avenue that a Cloverfield sequel would open.

However, if a Cloverfield sequel is made, let’s not forget the lesson that The Matrix taught us – that no sequel is complete without a lengthy underground slow-motion rave scene.

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All The Striking Mercifully Delays Da Vinci Code Sequel

by Stuart Heritage

Although the ongoing writers’ strike means that you’ll probably have to wait another year to see how crappy the new season of 24 is, it’s not all bad – the strike has meant that the sequel to The Da Vinci Code has been delayed.

Apparently Angels & Demons, the chronological prequel to last year’s clergy-enraging The Da Vinci Code, is the first big-name movie to be hit by the writers’ strike, and its release date of Christmas 2008 has now been pushed back to May 2009 at the earliest because the script isn’t good enough. But, hey, let’s not get glum because we have to wait to see Ron Howard grind out another tedious, tourist-baiting film about how rubbish it is to be a Catholic – in the intervening time, not only can Ron Howard try to make Angels & Demons look vaguely interesting, but Tom Hanks has gained an extra half-year to style his hair into a mullet that’s even more preposterous than the one from The Da Vinci Code.

Although the ongoing writers' strike means that you'll probably have to wait another year to see how crappy the new season of 24 is, it's not all bad - the strike has meant that the sequel to The Da Vinci Code has been delayed. Apparently Angels & Demons, the chronological prequel to last year's clergy-enraging The Da Vinci Code, is the first big-name movie to be hit by the writers' strike, and its release date of Christmas 2008 has now been pushed back to May 2009 at the earliest because the script isn't good enough. But, hey, let's not get glum because we have to wait to see Ron Howard grind out another tedious, tourist-baiting film about how rubbish it is to be a Catholic - in the intervening time, not only can Ron Howard try to make Angels & Demons look vaguely interesting, but Tom Hanks has gained an extra half-year to style his hair into a mullet that's even more preposterous than the one from The Da Vinci Code.
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