So we may have been a little sceptical about the whole ‘curse’ thing ever since the term started getting bandied around, but on this evidence it’s hard not to think that maybe, just maybe there are nefarious forces at work. Just days after having a serious car accident, Morgan Freeman and his wife of 24 years are to get a divorce.

According to a friend of Freeman, the divorce had been in the works for a while before the accident even occurred – so don’t go accusing Morgan of having a relationship with Demaris Meyer, the passenger in his car during the accident, that was anything beyond platonic friendship.

We thought about it – purely for comedy effect, of course – but libel is too big a word.

No, this is something that has been around for quite a while in the world of Morgan Freeman and his soon-to-be-ex wife Myrna Colley-Lee, who have been separated since December of 2007. So fortunately it does look like it may well be the work of our old friend coincindence and circumstance – or ‘real life’ as it’s sometimes called – and not the frankly ridiculous notion of a curse on a film Morgan starred in.

While he may have known it was coming for a while, it still can’t be good for the old man, who was hospitalised with a broken arm, a broken elbow and neck injuries, and had to undergo an operation to make sure things healed up properly. Sitting, recouperating in hospital and seeing the news splashed all over can’t be a good feeling – so hey, Morgan, if you’re reading – we’ll try and cheer you up!

Isn’t it strange how utterly awful the film Evan Almighty was?

No, that’s not going to work…

Hey – the narration on March of the Penguins was utter balls compared to David Attenborough’s!

Ah, he wouldn’t like that either…

Ah, screw it. Hecklerspray isn’t the greatest medicine for aching bones, we can admit that much.

But it’s not all bad for Morgan Freeman – as his friend and business partner Bill Luckett told the press:

“The doctors have said it will be six months to a year before he plays golf again.”

So… hmm… at least that means he won’t have to play golf again for a while. That could be considered a good thing, if you don’t like golf. What do you mean Luckett said more?

“He hates that.”

Ah.

So you’ve starred in one of the biggest movies of all time, but have seen a co-worker die, another arrested for allegedly threatening his family then you yourself have been in a serious car accident requiring surgery, and it’s become public knowledge that you’re getting a divorce.

At least… people like your freckles? Sorry Morgan, we just can’t do this cheering you up thing – it’s too hard.

There will be no more delightful Disney movies starring a girl with an awful lot of lesbian curiosity, there will be no more second-rate reality shows starring a mother with an awful lot of child-acting curiosity – and perhaps worst of all, a lot less to blog about.

All will be a memory.

But fear not – for there is one who could save us! It's another Lohan – a secret Lohan – conceived one night when a horny and separated Michael Lohan claims to have boned some old lady out of her head, but not in those words. Now this woman claims a child as a byproduct – and he thinks she might be telling the truth.

Michael Lohan's gentleman-juice is both potent and good. Not only can they navigate through ovarian tubes like a stereotypical Chinaman through a rice field, but once they reach the egg they know exactly what to do – they romance it.

Then, after several weeks of bringing flowers and lifting tiny boom-boxes way up over their little sperm-heads – they get in there and start drilling. This, dear reader, is where a Lohan comes from.

A Lohan, like say, this secret one that's just been revealed. The Male half of the parent-ish Lohans claims that about twelve years ago he was separated from his now ex-wife. He met a very lonely homeless woman who wanted a baby so bad she didn't even care if the father was a 'house-y.' Since Michael is the ultimate Samaritan he obliged her with seed, taking only the sweet smile and gratitude as a one-time payment.

All of that was heavily summarized and built upon. Except the separated-12-years ago-and-made-sweet-love-to-some-lady part.

In Michael Lohan's own words:

"Years later she contacted me convincing me that I was the only person she was with and that she had my child. My lawyers will sort this out."

No mention has yet been made of any DNA testing. No need, really. The kid was born with a Disney contract in its hand and the number of a chain-smoking short-haired homosexual in it's tiny little speed dial.

It's his all right.