Articles tagged with: sell
Slumdog Millionaire was such a hit that everybody associated with it now earns an extra 17 zeros on the end of any paycheck they ever receive. Seriously - everyone's box office value has increased exponentially. Also their value in the black market slave trade slightly increased too. That's why when some potential daughter-buyers recently offered the father of Rubina Ali Qureshi $300,000 for his now somewhat famous daughter, he cut off a lock of Ali's hair for his wife's memory book and wished the child well in her new life cruising Nile river-ports. Or something along those lines.
As you may know, there's a Britney Spears sex tape - we'd have mentioned it earlier but, you know, we've just eaten and we like not being blind. Don't get too excited, though - the existence of the Britney Spears sex tape was allegedly confirmed by Adnan Ghalib, Britney's paparazzo ex-boyfriend. So, on the basis that at least 50% of the tape features a creepy dimwit with a funny accent and the world's worst beard, it's safe to say that nobody will ever ever form an erection while watching the Britney Spears sex tape. Or will they? It's been reported that Britney Spears is keen to pay whatever it takes to buy the master copy of this apparent Britney Spears sex tape from Adnan Ghalib. And you know what that means? It means that if Britney Spears is prepared to pay millions of dollars for a video of a mentally ill woman in a pink wig having squalid intercourse with one of the world's least likable men, it must be sexy! Where can we get a copy?
Sometimes the easiest way to get near your idol is to follow them everywhere they go and tell them how much you love them. Unfortunately, this has been called “stalking” by the police and it means that our attempt to make Avril Lavigne more then just our MySpace friend won’t come true for a while yet.
Whilst transatlantic relationships are clearly not the way forward, it may be better to turn towards our own glorious nation to find the thing known as a 'woman'. In the nineties, blokes across the land couldn’t leaf through a magazine without seeing melon-bosomed Jordan parading across the cover. Her boobs showed no sign of stopping until the day she realised she looked a bit like a monster from Gremlins.
And, after having surgery to reduce them, you can now own the implants!
