The things we were picking off them were typically ice cream, maraschino cherries and large dollops of whipped cream. Our father was a dinnerware-themed taxidermist, you see, and our mother’s passion was frozen dairy – the rarest of combinations.

Half the time we were eating milk products out of hollowed dead mice, we did so in front of Seinfeld, which was something we westerners like to call a ’sitcom.’

Speaking of which – it’s coming back you know.

Kinda.

Larry David is half the brains behind Seinfeld – a show that historians will one day probably refer to as the nineties answer to Melrose Place. We know this because we are a historian.

Anyway, when Seinfeld went off the air, it was no doubt to rivers of tears flowing anywhere typically regarded as downhill. When the show ended it seemed like the entire cast went underground for a bit, surfacing only to berate black audience members, stick their thoraxes into things and YouTube around in McDonald’s commercials.

Since the end the world has been anxiously waiting to see which new show would claim their soupy crown – and you know what we got? We got that Two Half Men program – which, although written terribly, has done wonders for the equal treatment of amputees.

But this is no time to worry and woe about the piss-poor state of most sitcoms today – not when the four major Seinfeld players are currently together filming a story arc set to appear on Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm.

No really – look what Entertainment Weekly said about it:

“EW has learned exclusively that the four stars of NBC’s long-running comedy [Seinfeld] — Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander, and Michael Richards — will be featured in a multiple-episode story arc on HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm this fall. The cameos will mark the first time that all four actors have appeared together in a scripted TV show since Seinfeld went off the air nearly 11 years ago.”

Plot points are being tightly guarded but we have a suspicion there’ll be a tie in to Seinfeld’s Bee Movie II, the sequel in which Barry has to go to ‘Nam to violently save all of his captured war buddies.

We think we speak for the entire free world when we say that is something we’d definitely pay to see.

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Still ranked by many as the ‘funniest thing ever’ and ‘really, really good’ and earning a hell of a lot of money for the people involved in it, Jerry Seinfeld obviously thought he could rest easy.

At least until a movie about a bee came about, which was clearly what he’d been waiting for all his life.

But now it seems the star of the sitcom with the bloke who drops the ‘N’ bomb on stage wants some more money – that has to be the reason, as agreeing to star in adverts for Microsoft isn’t something you do for integrity’s sake.

No, if reports are to be believed, agreeing to star in adverts for Microsoft is something you do for $10 million. The campaign is planned for the Fall (which is still called Autumn over here) and will see Seinfeld starring alongside the big man himself, Bill Gates.

No details have been confirmed beyond that, but we would wager the ads will be along the same vein – or a counter to – the awful, awful, awful Mac vs PC adverts of the other year. You know the ones – ‘oh, I use a computer to be cool, not for actual functionality – I’m a Mac!‘ and the rest of the bullshit they decided to cram down our poor, weak throats.

And lest we forget the British versions of the ads, which ruined the credibility of David Mitchell and Robert Webb.

Though, to be fair, they’ve now decided they’re happy to whore themselves out to any company that wants to sell anything ever, providing their stupid voices in exchange for cold, hard cash that they probably use to fund transport to their next recording studio, where they can then record another shitty advert that no one cares about.

Ahem…

Anyway, the hope is that Seiny-F will be able to slam some kind of ‘credibility’ into the ‘brand’ or some other marketing spiel. Speaking to CBS News, Brian Steinberg, television editor for Ad Age, said:

“Seinfeld does represent sort of a challenge. He’s not Dane Cook. He’s got a more sophisticated everyday take on things. He often comes across as a questioner of conventional wisdom but also can be kind of a crank. It’s a fine line to walk when you’re dealing with a younger person.”

A fine line to walk when dealing with a younger person would involve hitting them with a brick if they wanted to see Dane Cook in anything, ever – surely? Well, maybe not a ‘fine line’ – more ‘the right thing to do’.

Expect to see the credibility-destroying adverts aired towards the end of the year, and expect idiots to then believe that Microsoft are cool. These will be the same people that thought Macs were good, and not actually useless machines invented for particularly idiotic children. As we all know they are.

Plus didn’t Seinfeld have a Mac in his apartment in the show? And, in fact, we’ve just found (thanks to commercial-archive.com) out that Jerry Seinfeld once advertised Macs back in the early 90s. Look.

It’s a favourite word of ours, but still: integrity?