Rock God Cliff Richard has today admitted to pulling off the most incredible rock n’ roll stunt in history after throwing his secretary of 40 years from a jet cruising at 25,000 feet. The star of ‘Summer Holiday’ and ‘God, What A Terrible Calendar’ has been trying to shake off his ‘granny’s favourite’ tag by hanging out with Peaches Geldof & Ke$ha and was also spotted in a London nightspot challenging Daniel O’Donnell to a scrap.

It’s a sad decline for one of Britain’s best-loved celebrities. From the moment the last shutter sounded on the infamous calendar shoot of 2010, Sir Cliff decided he still “had it” and wanted to attempt to break the world record for shagging his way around an issue of Grazia. He started by seducing Kelly Osbourne using the “I used to know your dad angle” but quickly moved on when he realised that he could never replace her dead dog.

The former detrimental presence in front of The Shadows was recently interviewed in The Sun where he claimed that his life of worship and abstinence meant that he could spend his twilight years pretending to be “f**king Jesus Christ himself” if he wanted to.

After a coke-fuelled sex binge on his private jet, Cliff is reported to have become enraged when his secretary burst into the room with the intention of discussing his personal appearance at the Berlin Christian Hasselhoff Appreciation Gala. Supposedly the German bookers had realised that he wasn’t ‘The Hoff’s’ dad as Cliff’s latest PR material had suggested.

Upon interrupting his good time with up-and-coming ‘It’ girls Tamarah & Samarah Booth, Sir Cliff supposedly picked the woman up in what has been described as an ‘aroused bear-hug’ and threw her from the side door of the jet. Miraculously, Ms Snow happened to have a one-person parachute stowed in her handbag and survived the ordeal; her only injury being the psychological scarring of feeling the touch of a coke-addled Cliff’s engorged member against her.

The singer hired Gill Snow in the 1970s to help organise his hectic work schedule and she had been a constant presence in his team ever since. Confirming the news, Snow told the Daily Mail:

“It’s over and I’m on to a new phase of my life. The office is continuing. A new [Cliff Richard] tour has just been announced and a new album. I’m glad he threw me out of that plane. Really glad.”

All’s well that ends well, we suppose. hecklerspray would like to wish Ms Snow good luck in the future and Sir Cliff the speediest of rehabilitations.

Let's face it, we could all do with a bit more sex.

It's a beautiful thing – even if it is a quick knee-trembler around the back of the bar with that ugly girl/ guy from accounts. But sometimes getting your partner in the mood for a bit of loving can be difficult. Sometimes they are just too tired. There's never enough alcohol or Rohypnol when you need it.

Well, hecklerspray understands your pain, so we have come up with a list of films guaranteed to get them hornier than a dog with two cocks…

7. Secretary (2002)
Boss James Spader punishes his secretary Maggie Gyllenhaal's typos by giving her a good spank over his desk. We're just glad that rule has never been enforced at Hecklerspray Towers.

6. Bound (1996)
Wondered what the Wachowski brothers did before they did The Matrix? They made crime thrillers about two red-hot women (Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon) enjoying a steamy lesbian love affair while attempting to rip off the Mafia. The brothers even hired a 'sex consultant' to help with the lovemaking scenes. It certainly did the trick.

5. To Catch a Thief (1955)
Cary Grant and Grace Kelly swap sexual innuendos in Hitchcock's superb 1955 film.

4. Betty Blue (1986)
Beatrice Dalle became an overnight sensation and the favourite pin-up of many a university undergraduate after this stunning debut. Spotted by director Jean-Jacques Beineix walking down the street, Dalle is simply sensational as the beautiful but wild Betty. You know you are in for a treat from the opening scene.

3. Stealing Beauty (1996)
Liv Tyler goes to Italy after her mother commits suicide and pops her cherry in this steamy coming-of-age movie by Italian helmer Beranando Bertolucci. Granted, it does disappear up its own arse in some places, but the build-up to the scene when she loses her virginity is a masterclass in sexual tension. See, now we've disappeared up our own arse. Bloody Europeans.

2.  And God Created Woman (1956)
Brigitte Bardot became an international sex symbol after this superb performance. The very definition of a sex kitten.

1. Dangerous Liaisons (1988)
Heaving bosoms apart, Dangerous Liaisons proves brain is the biggest sexual organ of them all.