Articles tagged with: Secret
The outcome of the OJ Simpson trial rests on one thing - the lingering resentment of everyone who thought OJ Simpson killed his wife a decade ago. Only joking. That's got nothing to do with the outcome of OJ Simpson's trial at all. Well, technically it probably has got a bit to do with it, but let's not get into that. In actual fact, the whole OJ Simpson trial revolves around a secret tape of the whole shebang, recorded by an auctioneer. Sadly, though, as the court found out yesterday, the tape is just vague enough not to mean anything at all. Oh OJ Simpson, why couldn't you have stormed into the hotel and said, clearly and within earshot of the microphone "What-ho, I'm OJ Simpson and these gun-wielding chaps here - boys, say hello, there's no excuse for rudeness - are here to take these items which don't even belong to me. Pip pip!" or whatever the opposite of that is that proves you're innocent? You'd have saved us all a lot of time either way, you selfish git.
It takes a lot to upstage a video of a 13-year-old girl urinating for a grown man, but the R Kelly child pornography trial may have hit the jackpot. Because yesterday at the R Kelly child pornography trial... not much happened. Not much happened because the judge halted the trial for a day. And the judge halted the trial because a brand new ultra-mysterious secret witness for the defence has just descended onto the scene. According to R Kelly's defence, nobody knew this witness even existed until 9am yesterday morning when it received a phone call. It's exciting, dramatic stuff and not even the judge knows what's going on. We can't wait! We want to be profoundly disappointed by the inevitable anticlimax now!
Now that Britney Spears is under the protective care of her parents again, hints about just how ill she was pre-hospitalisation have started to creep out.
And it's worse than it ever seemed - forget the string of public meltdowns, there's a chance that Britney Spears secretly got married to her paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib last month.
Of course, nobody knows the truth and the marriage is void anyway because Adnan's already married, but getting married to Adnan Ghalib? Britney's lucky she only got sectioned after that - we'd have held her down and lobotomised her there and then if we'd have caught wind of it.
Paul McCartney might give off the impression of youth, what with his dyed moddish haircut and freakish predisposal to larking around with a mandolin like a little twit, but the fact is that Paul McCartney is getting on in years.
And with age comes inevitable health problems, which explains why Paul McCartney had a sly coronary angioplasty recently. According to reports, Paul McCartney had the routine heart operation in secret at a private London hospital in the autumn after consulting his doctor, and has since recovered well. That'll be good news to everyone except for Ringo Starr, who must accept that Paul McCartney's refusal to die means that he has to shelve his plans to remaster the life out of all the old Beatles albums until all that's left is some drumming and a 15-hour selection of out-takes from the seminal Octopus's Garden sessions.
It's becoming slightly traditional for rumours of a Jay-Z/ Beyonce marriage to surface every December, but this this time it looks like they might have been spot-on.
Reports are surfacing that Jay-Z and Beyonce properly went and got married during a trip to Paris last week. They're completely unconfirmed rumours, of course, but we'll soon see how true they are because apparently Jay-Z and Beyonce both got their fingers tattooed instead of swapping wedding rings. That doesn't necessarily mean we should all strain our eyes trying to look for infinitesimal markings on Jay-Z and Beyonce's fingers, though - the signs will be much more obvious than that. On the basis that they both let a Frenchman tattoo their fingers last week, we just need to look out for the 'Beyonce Has One Giant Septic Hand Covered In Pus' headlines to confirm everything we need to know.
