But that’s not enough for Hulk Hogan’s kids. First Hogan’s son Nick wrote off his car – and any chances of his passenger having a normal life – in a spectacular crash, and now it turns out that Hulk Hogan’s daughter Brooke has been in a car crash of her own.

Brooke Hogan getting into a car accident just days after her younger brother was sentenced to eight months in prison for his crash is just plainly irresponsible. If only Brooke had the foresight to make the news for something unrelated to an automobile accident – maybe stabbing a pensioner in the neck or becoming a prostitute – we’re sure her father would be sleeping much more easily at night.

Even for a retired professional wrestler with freakish sausagey arms, traditionally homosexual facial hair and a bandana constantly on his head forlornly trying to convince the world that he isn’t bald, Hulk Hogan’s had a particularly crappy year.

And it’s all thanks to his family. Hulk’s wife Linda decided to get a divorce, Hulk’s son Nick was sentenced to jail after getting arrested for a crash that’s left his friend in a nursing home for the rest of his life, and now even Hulk’s daughter Brooke has let him down.

No, Brooke Hogan hasn’t let her father down by continually clinging onto a dream of becoming a famous singer instead of getting a proper job, even though the public has proved time and time again that it’d rather buy a CD of Josef Fritzl whispering a number harrowing threats than a Brooke Hogan album. No, Brooke has let her father down by crashing her car.

Not that it was her fault, of course – according to reports, Brooke Hogan’s car was hit head-on by an out-of-control driver in Florida on Sunday. Although her car was pushed into a concrete wall, causing $3,000 of damage, Brooke Hogan and her passenger were left uninjured – something that Brooke puts down to her seatbelt. People reports:

“I don’t know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves . . . As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn’t have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us,” Boella wrote in a MySpace post. “It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight.”

Thank heavens for seatbelts, huh? If it wasn’t for Brooke Hogan ordering her stupid passenger to fasten her seatbelt, then chances are she’d have been flung through the windscreen, skidded for 50ft along the road on her face, hit by an oncoming convoy of juggernauts and spent the rest of her life in a vegetative state replaying the moment she chose not to wear her seatbelt over and over again. Truly, if anyone is the hero here, it’s the seatbelt. And Brooke Hogan.

Oh, did we mention that the Hogan family is being sued for millions of dollars by the family of John Graziano, the boy who sustained such serious injuries when Nick Hogan crashed his car that he’ll have to spend the rest of his life under constant care? And that the Hogans appear to have been passive-aggressively implying that Graziano’s injuries are all his fault because he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt?

We did mention that? Oh. Then we can’t for the life of us work out why we decided to point it out again now.

You'd be distraught, wouldn't you. Miley would have left this world leaving us with only two albums, a slightly annoying TV show and a 3D movie of a concert to remember her by. And that could have been the case after a scene from the Miley Cyrus movie clearly showed Miley Cyrus and her dad Billy Ray Cyrus riding around in a car without a seatbelt on.

But now Billy Ray Cyrus has publicly apologised for their lack of caution. That's not enough, though – we'll only rest when Billy Ray Cyrus wears a seatbelt all the time, even when he's walking around his house or going to the toilet. And if the belt could be wound around his mouth or neck, then that's even better.

Miley Cyrus is undoubtedly an influential person. Thanks to her show Hannah Montana, her pop albums and her latest box office-topping 3D movie, there's a vast army of tweens who hang on Miley's every word. If Miley Cyrus started wearing yellow shoes, her fans would all start wearing yellow shoes. If Miley Cyrus started swanning around in top hats and talking in an unconvincing Swiss accent, then her fans would do the same. Point is, Miley Cyrus is a massive role model.

And that means when Miley Cyrus is filmed not wearing a seatbelt, millions of young girls around the world will immediately think it's cool to unbuckle their seatbelts and pray for their parents swerve off the road and plough into a tree at 100mph. That's not an exaggeration – millions of young girls will literally do exactly that.

The outrage caused by the scene in the movie Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best Of Both Worlds Concert Tour showing Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus not wearing seatbelts has been so overwhelming that you'd think it showed the pair of them smoking crack through a hollowed-out endangered salamander, humping nuns and discussing how brilliant suicide terrorists are – but nevertheless it threatens to ruin everything that Miley Cyrus has achieved so far in her career.

To counter this, Billy Ray Cyrus himself has decided to apologise to the entire world through People magazine:

"We got caught up in the moment of filming, and we made a mistake and forgot to buckle our seatbelts," Billy Ray Cyrus tells PEOPLE about a gaffe in the hit 3-D movie Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour – one that's caused a head-on collision with controversy. "Seatbelt safety is extremely important," he adds.

In addition, Miley Cyrus is thought to be planning a seatbelt-awareness pop album to further make amends, entitled Seatbelts Like Totally Rule. The first single from that album – Oops! I Almost Got Mangled To Death – will be released shortly.

No, not really – and the fact that it was Billy Ray Cyrus and not Miley Cyrus who spoke out about the controversy speaks volumes about how much she regrets the mistake. Then again, if Billy Ray Cyrus was our dad, we'd probably encourage the likelihood of death as well.

Read more:

Billy Ray Apologizes for Not Buckling Up – People 

But one name has managed to rise above all the trouble like some sort of wonderful teenage angel from heaven - Miley Cyrus. But not any more.

Fans have caught Miley Cyrus doing something so disgusting, so downright immoral and depraved and – yes, we'll say it – evil that it's left her army of adoring supporters reeling in horror. That's right – someone saw Miley Cyrus riding in the back of a car without a seatbelt on. No, that's not a euphemism for unprotected sex – Miley Cyrus actually didn't wear a seatbelt in the back of a car once. What a bitch.

Make no mistake, Miley Cyrus rules the world at the moment. She's overcome all kinds of obstacles in her life to get there – like that body double scandal and the way she shares 50% of her genes with Billy Ray Cyrus – but that's just made her success all the more sweet.

So far in life Miley Cyrus has had two number one albums, a number one movie, a sensation of a TV show and she's helped make Britney Spears less mental, and she's still only about six years old. But perhaps Miley Cyrus' greatest success has been not to succumb to the evils that have befallen her tween-idol contemporaries.

Unlike Vanessa Hudgens, Miley Cyrus ha never taken a picture of her minge and put it on the internet. And unlike Jamie Lynn Spears, Miley Cyrus has never been knocked up by some bloke she met at church. But beneath that butter-wouldn't-melt smile there's a heart of darkness beating inside Miley Cyrus, if this new report is anything to go by.

Miley Cyrus didn't wear a seatbelt in a car once.

We know, we're just as shocked as you. So shocked that we'll let USA Today fill you in on the rest of the details:

In a blog item posted Monday, Consumer Reports magazine says 15-year-old superstar Miley Cyrus, who plays Hannah Montana on television, is seen in her new movie riding without a seat belt in the back seat of a Range Rover. So is her father, country music star Billy Ray Cyrus, the Yonkers-based magazine says… The magazine says 65% of the 13-to-15-year-olds killed in auto accidents in 2006 were not wearing seat belts. "It seems to us that Miley, her father and Disney had a perfect opportunity to help influence teens and counteract — rather than encourage — this trend," the blog item says.

Yeah, screw you Disney! We're cancelling that trip to Disneyland now, and returning our collection of porcelain Disney fairies, and we're never watching Lost again. Or The Geena Davis Show. And you know how much that last one stings. How dare you do this to us, Miley Cyrus. How dare you!

However, we're sure that the huge Miley Cyrus industry won't let her be damaged by this seatbelt accusation. We've seen how this works, and we can second guess that Miley will now do one of three things to make this up to her fans. She'll either go on Larry King and cry about the incident or she'll find a suitable rehab facility and hole up there for a few days. And if that seems a bit too much like hard work, we're sure that an apologetic letter to Al Sharpton has been drafted up just in case.

Read more:

Miley Cyrus, dad are so busted for not buckling up – USA Today